If a girl gives a guy blue balls, is it justified for him to be angry/ upset with her?

There have been a few occasions when I have made out with a guy until he was really turned on, but I didn't let him have sex with me. Nor did I give him a hand job or a blow job so he could come. Mainly because I wasn't ready to take it to that level. Sometimes the men have reacted quite badly. One got really angry. Another got cold on me, and never asked me out on another date. My question is, is it considered in bad taste or inconsiderate to do this to a guy? How would you react to the situation? Girls, has this happened to you before?
Updates:
+1 y
Thanks everyone for the overwhelming response. These answers were a real eye opener. I think I might have to reconsider my behvaiour... A lot of guys here are saying I should tell the guy before hand that I wasn't intending to have sex with them. I would like to clarify that I had done just that. I also explained to them why. Also on both these occasions where it went bad, it was the first time we were making out...
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Keep in mind, I have refrained from reading any other responces until I offer my ywo cents.

    First of all, I think making out is super hot! I thoroughly enjoy passionate kissing where our arms and hands embrace one another while keeping it clean at the same time. It's another form of eroticism all together and totally sexy.

    Secondly a man never has a right to assume he is getting sex no matter what signals he feels he is recieving. A girl has every right to limit herself in how far she goes, especially with a new partner. To expect sex is taking her for granted.

    Now, I am responding to what you described above. The vibe I got from your personal experience shared is that you wanted to enjoy a passionate but restrained encounter with those prospective partners and their presumptuous and even forceful nature cost them future opportunities with them.

    However if this was a cruel game for a girl, or even an inconsiderate or self centered act, I have an example of how I have handled such an occurance in the past. It is not the same as your story but there are similarities.

    I dated this girl for around a year. We were both looking to find a serious possible spouse. We also both wanted to abstain from sex until marriage to hopefully strengthen our future union.

    About six months in it got to be extrememly difficult to honor that commitment for her. I was also turned on with our end of the night make out sessions in the car but she was absolutely on fire. Several times she threw herself at me, peeling off her top.

    I tried hard to honor our goal and calmed her down in those moments. Eventually I did end up giving in to her cries for relief and provided her with oral pleasure. I was always disappointed when she refused to reciprocate.

    I tried to understand for a while, but began to feel taken advantage of. I devised a wickedly delicious plan after several weeks of frustration.

    I intentionally got her to the point she was practically begging for relief even before I began any real physical stimulation. This is where I dropped the bomb.

    I told her that she was very selfish and if she wanted satisfaction without it being mutual, she would have to pay for her selfishness.

    I told her that she would have to accept a spanking for her behavior before she would be provided with an orgasm. She tried to ask how it would gomand I told her that she would simply have to find out. She embarrasingly agreed.

    If you figure out who I am I will give you all the juicy details

    • This opinion sure had a surprise ending. Thanks for the erotic story, but actually not too many similarities with me... The girl in this story was being selfish and serving her own needs without caring for the guy's. I on the other hand, was trying to do the opposite. I mean yes granted, with both of these guys I was quite attracted to them and I took pleasure in making out with them. But my actions were driven by wanting to pleasure them too. It was my way of showing appreciation for them and showing them that I was starting to trust them. I couldn't offer them sex, because I wasn't ready. Nor was I ready for a hand job or blow job. So I gave them what I thought was the next best thing... My intentions were far from selfish. That's an interesting story about you though and yes of course I know who you are. 😉

  • I dont think its justified or unjustified, but its definitely understandable if they get frustrated because of it. Like if you are making out extremely passionately, doing very sexual things I would definitely expect that to go somewhere so if she out of nowhere says that she's not ready to do anything at all, that can be very frustrating and a huge turn off from wanting to date you in the future. You should try subtly telling them beforehand that Its not gonna go further than making out for today or something like that. And trying to avoid making him too horny can help too.

    • Actually I did tell them I didn't want to take it that far before hand...

    • Ok then its unjustifiable for them to get mad about it. I guess they still thought something like "Oh, she's going this far with me, I guess she changed her mind" or something like that. It honestly sounds like it wasn't your fault at all, you warned them and everything. But if the girl didn't say anything like that before to the guy, and she started like stroking his cock through his pants, letting him grab her crotch and getting really intimate, and then suddenly saying that nothing can happen, you can understand how guys could get upset because of that.

    • I didn't touch his cock at all. And when he touched me down there, I gently moved his hand away. He tried to take off my bra a couple of times, but I didn't allow it. But I did allow some dry humping...

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Most Helpful Girls

  • I know that you should have total control over whether you want to do it or not. But to be honest, there's always this question that a girl has to deal with "let him fuck, or not?". I'm not saying it's a good thing but it's always the girl who has to LET the guy fuck. Guys want to fuck really bad, and the girl has to give it up as a reward. Especially outside a relationship. It gets difficult for a guy when he's really nice, the girl clearly likes him, but he has to wait. Meanwhile (not saying you do that or not) so many girls have have let some douche fuck their brains out the same night they met, or given their boss a BJ cause he has a superior status. So to be honest, I tend to let a nice guy fuck, even if I'm not 100% into it. If we're at the stage you are in, I wouldn't take away what he is expecting and usually it tuns into a fun night.

    • Thanks for your opinion. That was really helpful... 😊

    • Truth is I can't though... I have vaginismus, which makes it complicated for me to have sex. I have to be totally comfortable to be able to relax and have sex with him. Plus I can't use condoms, so I need us both to be tested... So it's not as easy for me to let him fuck... I could have helped him come though... That's true.

  • If a girl gives a guy blue balls, is it justified for him to be angry/ upset with her?
    In my opinion people are justified in feeling however they want excluding harm towards animals/children.

    My question is, is it considered in bad taste or inconsiderate to do this to a guy?
    I don't consider it in bad taste or inconsiderate. I mean society doesn't seem to think it is bad taste or inconsiderate for a gal not to orgasm every time from sex so I see no bad taste/inconsiderateness in guys not orgasming when they are aroused.

    Blue balls to me is just male whining. Until guys ensure gals orgasm every time during sex I see no reason for gals to ensure a guy gets sexual relief when she 'winds him up'.

    To me just like a gal is responsible for her own orgasm so is a guy. He can easily wank off.

  • Yeah it's happened and I usually apologized but just told him I wasn't ready to go further. If they are a jerk about it then they're not worth another date. One guy actually said "well, if your not going to take care of me, I'll do it myself" and started to take it out to jerk it. I left.

    • That sounds like douche for sure. Sorry you had that experience.

    • Your reaction seems very reasonable. Theirs don't.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • It really comes down to you, how you and your man have communicated your intentions when you are making out. If you have specifically said, you don't want sex, then they should understand that. That's not your fault.

    But if you have not said anything to the guys you are making with, and deliberately making then sexually excited to the point of wanting to burst their load, then you are playing with their feelings (cock tease), which is disgusting behaviour.

  • I think that a little bit of making out is OK... But after a certain point the guy your with may get worked up anticipating the next level... I think it's good to be upfront about your intentions... Otherwise yes, you may be considered a dick tease. I can understand the frustration of blue balls... But I don't think this qualifies a guy to get mad or upset in anger... it might be different if you two were already in a sexual relationship and you just felt like working him up for nothing... But that if that's not the case then he should have no expectation of getting any in the first place.

    • Boy, are you wrong ! It's perfectly justified for a man to get angry about this. I'd have thrown her ass out and never talk her again. She's beneath the vilest contempt !

    • @Marinepilot ... I'm sorry, your an idiot. A man that cannot control his temper towards a woman out of sexual frustration, he is nothing but a simple primate... Evolve a little! However, your are right in the context of choice... If a woman works you up in a way in which causes undesirable emotion, you don't have to subject yourself to her further. Is it necessary to get mad angry or upset as if she mortally wounded you?

    • I disagree with you completely. It's justified to get angry in this instance.

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  • you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. and unless both his hands are broken, he can fix this problem himself.

  • Yes, it's justified.

    It's not that you owe the guy sex when you aren't ready for it - that's totally okay - it's that you wound him up to the point where he needed a release when you had no intention of giving him one.

    What I'm saying is that, if you aren't going to finish what you start, then don't start in the first place. If you want to kiss him or make out for a minute, fine, but an extended make-out session gets a man's body "in gear" for sex, and then not having it is literally painful and makes him feel like he got played.

    • What's interesting is the difference of the meaning of the phrase 'getting played' by men and us women. Lol. But thanks for your opinion.

    • He wound himself up to the point where he needed a release.

    • @jacquesvol "He wound himself up tot he point where he needed a release." Without any help from her whatsoever? Does she have ANY responsibility at all for his arousal? Any at all? Or is it just as if she wasn't even in the same room?

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  • I read in a comment that you'd told the guys ahead of time that you didn't want to take it that far.

    That tells me everything I need to know. Their reactions are not justified and you have no reason to feel bad.

    • Is there any point at all at which it would be understandable that he would be frustrated? Any point whatsoever? Please note before you answer I didn't say anything about if she owes him anything. I'm simply wondering if there is any point at all at which his being frustrated would be understandable.

    • @Bluemax Well sure, if he was under the impression that he was getting sex (like if she hadn't told them before) then I'd understand him being frustrated. Heck, I've been there before. But it's still not okay to react angrily to that.

    • Agreed.

  • i mean, if you're doing it intentionally to play him, then it's a bit shit of you, but if you're just getting caught up but then realize you're not ready, then i mean, if he's annoyed, okay, but he shouldn't *blame* you.

    • Is there any age at which she should have known better? Any age at all? I would say what you are saying is correct for someone your age. However, the asker is in her thirties.

    • @Bluemax it's not about knowing better - if you aren't able to acknowledge that it's just complicated, thigns can change, and you might simply not know yourself or your own emotions well enough until the moment is coming, then i don't know what to tell you. a lot of the guys in this thread are seem so exceptionally, personally offended about getting blue-balled - just masturbate it off. it's okay to be a bit disappointed, maybe a little annoyed, but i see so many guys take it as a personal insult for them to get aggressive about. it doesn't give you an excuse to stop being understanding or whatever about it. and if you aren't, and you're just disappointed, because you thought you were going to have sex and now you aren't, then, whatever. but there's reasons a girl will be like this - if she's not intentionally playing you, then it's something complicated, and certainly nothing to be upset at her about. she'd like to know as much as you would, probably.

  • guys are too busy whining about themselves they don't realize girl parts fill with blood too and when it has nowhere to go it hurts too.

    • Thats true upto a point, but we fill up with semen as well hour by hour, day by day, you dont have the same fluid build up or "need" for release, men have to orgasm to reproduce, women dont. Like we get in moods to, but I would never try and compare that to having a period.

  • I can understand him being frustrated from it but that doesn't mean you owe him a damn thing. It is your body so you are free to do with it what you want and have no obligation to do anything else unless you yourself want it.

  • i dunno, i mean i get the guy's perspective, but at the same time, a guy shouldn't treat every make out session like a lead up to sex. i find that ridiculous.

  • You owe him nothing in my opinion. Except maybe if he is really turned on you could let him help himself right then and there. But only if you are comfortable with it.

    • Agreed she owes him nothing. However her question wasn't about what she owed him. Her question was about if he was justified in feeling angry and upset with her.

    • @Bluemax i guess that is true, but i say he is only justified in being upset if it is past a certain point and she changes her mind. Or she didn't say beforehand something like i definitely do not want to have sex and it will go no further than kissing and if you are not cool with that, that is ok.

    • Agreed

  • Some girls try to do this on purpose. Making the guy crazy and then reject sex. It's not nice play with people in such a way. So if it was such a case it was justified.

    If you were just being normal with him then it is unjustified.

    • Thanks for your opinion. No I certainly didn't do it on purpose. Actually a bit upset now that he hasn't asked me out since. And thinking it maybe because of me being unknowingly inconsiderate in this way... 😞

    • Don't worry. Guys shouldn't do that. I had girls do this to me on purpose and I would not get angry. He didn't ask you out because he doesn't want to get his hopes up and then left with his balls being blue and all. Right now he just doesn't understand what is going on and thinks he is being payed. Try to be upfront. Although guys can still react not in a desired manner he will appreciate the honesty. Just say something like "look, I'm not ready to have sex just yet" Form then on he can decide what he wants and not get his hopes up (too much).

    • I think it's too late to make amends now. It's been over a month since that date. I only just figured out this might be the reason. You live and learn I Guess...

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  • So you are doing it regularly? I'm not sure I would get angry but I'll probably wouldn't call again. It's your body and nobody can force you to do anything but I personally have no time for teen behavior like that. You can explain to a guy that you need some time before you can have sex with him but just giving him blue balls is not the way to do it.

    • No I don't do it regularly with the same guy. It's just the way I have progressed in relationships before. A couple of dates in, I allow the first kiss. Then make out, dry hump. Then hand jobs... Sometimes blow jobs... Then sex...

    • So with this guy, it was the first ever time we made out.

  • He has just as much ability to stop it before it gets to that point as you do. It's not solely your fault. If you don't plan on taking it that far, it may be a bit of a "tease" move. However, I've gotten blueballs countless times and not gotten pissed because I was fine with the fact that the girl wasn't quite ready yet. That's life.

    • If a girl gets me hot and bothered and doesn't give up the pussy, she just bought herself a long walk home. If she says before that we can make out but no sex, same deal. I will not date a woman who won't put out. I don't have to.

    • @Marinepilot Some dudes like the easy booty that everyone can get, others don't.

    • @Tacticious ha ha! Well said! That should put marinepilot in his place. Thanks.

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  • Yes it is totally justified. You need to be careful. If you keep this up, then you might meet a guy who was so angry because of you giving him blue balls that he will rape you.

    • I hope that's sarcasm...

    • I hope you never had children

    • abc3643. That is aweful!!

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  • Oh, not at all. Contrary to popular belief, guys *need* to be teased and frustrated regularly, and any woman who is skilled enough to make me miserable with her prick teasing technique deserves praise, not animosity;)

  • That's extremely inconsiderate. Don't start what you won't finish.

  • I think the risk of blue balls is just part of dating. If he wants to jerk off, he can do it at his leisure. Don't let it force you into things you aren't ready for.

    However, I appreciate that you are sensitive to the issue, and going out of your way to excite a man without being willing to follow through is unfair as well.

    • Sorry, I didn't quite understand your second paragraph. Are you saying it was unfair of me to let it go so far that he got so excited?

    • I would say it depends on the relationship. A few times early in a relationship are totally understandable. If you keep doing it over and over again, at some point it becomes unfair of you. Still doesn't give him the right to be angry at you.

    • It was definitely early in the relationship and the first time we had gotten intimate in that way.

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  • Blue balls is a real thing for some men, and yes, it can actually hurt a lot

    That said, you've done nothing wrong. I'd take blue balls any day if it meant physically advancing with a woman that I really like.

    • Thank you. That is a wonderful attitude in my opinion. And I now understanding the issue with blue balls, will try my best to land Myself and any guy I'm with in this situation, even if it means advancing slower physically...

    • Thanks. I personally feel like you should just do what you're comfortable doing, but don't hold yourself back either. I mean, if a dude whines because you're not ready to sleep with him, is that the kinda guy you want anyway?

  • Although he's not entitled to sex and you are under no obligation to do anything you don't want to, I would say it's understandable he was frustrated. However, even in frustration, people can and should remain civil and respectful to one another. Is he justified in feeling frustrated? I think so. Is he justified in taking his anger out on you? No, I don't think so.

    Asker, if you could replay this moment in your life again, what (if anything) would you do differently?

    • The first guy, the one who got angry, I wouldn't change anything. Because I hadn't even kissed him, he got turned on just by me allowing him to hold my hand and hug me. And since he got angry, I think it was just reflective of a spoilt arrogant character. So good riddance... The second guy I allowed him to go further. We kissed, let him feel my body (over clothes) and dry humped a bit. Even though I told him I wasn't ready for Sex before hand, hearing the guys opinions here, I think I understand he got frustrated. So if I had a do over, I would not have let it go as far. I was rather inebriated at the time, and while it's no excuse, I think that is what let me do something like that, which is out of character for a third for me. I Guess in future I will avoid getting this intimate so fast. Or if I somehow end up in the situation, I would give him a hand job to relieve him.

    • Never do anything you don't want to do.

    • @jacquesvol "He's 100% responsible for not letting his right hand take care of it when things get too hot for his comfort." Agreed he is responsible for how he handles it. I didn't if he's responsible for how he handles it. I asked, "Without any help from her whatsoever? Does she have ANY responsibility at all for his arousal? Any at all? Or is it just as if she wasn't even in the same room?"

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  • Gee you get around don't you?
    Your making out with all these guys but not putting out?
    Your just like they say ,,,, a cock tease.
    Most girls don't make out like that with many random guys.

    • This has been my cumulative experience over 12 to 13 years of dating... I dpnt make out with guys on the first date. Only if it starts getting a bit serious and there is a possibility of sleeping together in the future. I see it as the next step before having sex...

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