Is getting a happy ending from a massage, cheating?

[Anonymous]

husband straight up told me he went to Asian massage parlor and got a hand job. When I asked him if that was what he went in there looking for, he said yes that he had hoped it would happen. I asked him how many times and he said 2 total. He said he would never do it again. I'm not sure why he told me? I just found by checking out bank statement that he went again recently just the other day. This is off course after he had told me he had gone before. So now he is lying. What bothers me more is I was with him that day and most of the day in fact. He only left for an hour or two to go run some errands. We had sex the night before so she not be needing to have sex again already I wouldn't think. It really bothers me more that he is lyning more anything. Not sure if I should make it a big deal or not? looking for advice from others. Does every guy want happy ending even though they are in a committed long term relationship

[blackwaterhattie]

Um, yeah, I would call that cheating. A handjob is a sex act- I mean, it's his DICK in someone else's hand. Also- he pretty much went to a prostitue. Massage therapists don't jack people off, they just, you know, give 'em a massage. My first thought when I read your question is that I bet he's going to hookers, and you just don't know about it because while happy-ending massage parlors take plastic, hookers do not. My advice to you is go get one hell of a physical and make sure your doctor does lab tests... and a pelvic. You can and maybe should get tested for everything from Hepatitis to herpes (they have to do a blood test for that and specifically look for it) to HPV and HIV. I'm not trying to scare you or make a judgement call about your husband, but I think you might need to think about the possibility of real consequences for you, for your health. Good luck, girl.

[btzbabe]

oh my god, I'd be furious. You should make it a big deal because obviously it's affecting your trust and feelings with him.

[3336PS]

Agree to all below answers. As well as lying to you.

It is something you have to talk to him about.

[islands7]

In the old days, many men preached that orgasm with someone outside their marriage was not cheating, so long as it was not intercourse, so BJ's, HJ's were OK. Perhaps this is where he may have learned it and started him down a slippery slope into dissolving a marriage.

Society today judges cheating outside a marriage as any orgasm with another outside that marriage. I leave it to others to further parse this definition as it can raise questions about phone sex (no touching) with another, then stretch this to p*rn masterbation, et al.

Enough said that not only did he cheat & must quit to salvage his marriage, but this business might be raided on a phone tip and closed down for selling sex.

That said, if I was a single guy - the idea is very titillating but obviously the craving would lead to something more illegal & of course health risky.

[DutchAtheist]

Of course it is cheating. And even though it might feel like a "less severe kind" of cheating you still have to make clear to him that you are upset and don't want this (if indeed that is how you feel). He's looking elsewhere for sexual pleasure and I'm pretty sure it is illegal if it is not a registered brothel.

If you react "pretty cool" about it, like the way you ask this question makes me think you did, he'll probably figure you don't mind that much.

It's not normal to get a handjob after a massage, in or out of a relationship!

[USGrant]

Red flag, tell him if you got a personal trainer and asked him for soemthing similar to a happy ending how he'd feel about that. Completely unacceptable and, yes, it is cheating.

[temptationfalls]

At least he's honest and communicating with you?

[MakeLoveNotWar]

Yeah, that's cheating.

[Rick912]

Sex is intercourse. Intercourse is cheating. Everything else is a form of petting and should not be a big issue. he might want you to get a massage that ends in an orgasm. It could be fun for both of you.

[007James007]

Yes yes and yes

Yes he cheated, yes he lied to you, and yes every man would love to have that done but as long as it doesn't affect our partners feelings. If it was was me and i was in love with you and in a relationship then NO, I WOULDN'T HAVE DONE WHAT HE DID.

[Buddie]

Given you fell cheated (I think?) and he is trying to hide it from you, then it seems you both know it is cheating. It's not on par with sleeping with your best friend but he still knows it is wrong.
Does every guy want happy ending even though they are in a committed long term relationship? - yes lots do, most choose not to out of respect for their partner and their own conscience.

[Anonymous]

You should be worried about it.

It seems that he'll start cheating if he starts enjoying the handjob.