Is it normal to fantasize over someone we dont have?

So I was in love with a used to be friends with benefits, but still fantasising over him and every aspect of my life almost
Updates:
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What helps you?
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What would be your advice and suggestion to not do it so much?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • If you had a chance at a relationship with him (you friends with benefits) and it didn't work out then at least the fantasy won't be like a temptation to leave your husband.
    Fantasize all you want.
    From what I've read your marriage is miserable. I don't know if it was an arranged marriage. I don't know if he was really smooth and lied to you about who he was but if you're so miserable now, if things don't improve before you have kids... you're in for a lifetime of misery.

    This is typically what has happened that I've seen:
    You're miserable now but you don't feel justified in leaving him or even suggesting counseling. If you leave just because he's a coward and a selfish ass you will be the one with a bad reputation in your cultural circle. So you stay and hope.
    You finally have kids, still hoping that things will get better. They won't. With kids things are worse.
    You finally see how miserable your kids are too and you can no longer sit by and watch your husband be a jerk to your kids. They deserve better. So that's when you'll finally have the courage to stand up to him and try to leave with the kids. You'll be struggling to support your kids, a selfish dad typically doesn't provide child support easily, I don't know how things work in Canada. And now you're alone, raising your kids, your kids have an asshole for a dad. And if you ever have a boyfriend you will have to worry about him ever being inappropriate with your kids.
    This is typical human behavior. I'm not saying it's going to happen but I've seen this happen too often.
    #1 cause of divorce is marriage. A marriage that never should have happened.
    Now you're married, you seem like a very considerate and thoughtful woman. I don't know all the cultural influences you have to deal with. If his behavior doesn't change before you have kids you're going to be fucking miserable for a long time and your kids are going to suffer.
    Are you muslim? Do you have the option of divorce? Can you stand up to him without being abused?
    I can suggest options all day long. I don't have to deal with your consequences. I don't know what you're going through. It was different for me when I got divorced, twice.
    If you can't suggest counseling or divorce then have all the fantasies you want because that's as good as it's going to get for you... I'm sorry...😞

    • Thanks for your answer. by the way, no it's not arranged marriage & I'm not Muslim

    • I'd just hate to know that you were miserable and that he's the asshole your kids would have for a dad. Honestly I wish you the best

    • Thank you

  • Is this sexual fantasizing or even deeper like being in a relationship?

    • Both, but more relationship

    • Right, that was my assumption. I think our human nature will always want what we cannot have. And considering you both were just friends with benefits and never persued anything more or tried to see where it might lead as a more serious relationship, your mind is keeps going back to that "what if". If you're serious about him I'd say hit him up and see if you can test the waters somehow about where he is with you. Otherwise you could go throughout your life and grow old to never know because you never tried. If you're not serious... well since there's more to it I'll get into that if you actual say you're not and you want to move on. Anyway, it is completely normal in your case.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Sound like you need to focus on the pain he caused you.

  • It is because we want them in our life so bad it almost makes our life a little easier.

  • I think I do that as I see other women in public. I look and imagine us dating. All you can do is distraction or simply taking the leap if they are truly available. Other than that, focusing on other people to date, hanging out with other friends and family and distraction

  • Yeah I would that's fairly normal.

    I personally don't really fantasize about other people really, I actually fantasize stuff with a woman that I'm already with. In other words I just really only fantasize when I'm in romantic love.

    That's just how my mind works.

    • Yeah I would say that's fairly normal€

    • ****

    • Typos🤦

  • Nah def not.. You wouldn’t have to fantasize if you could slip your panties down and have him inside you

    • What do you mean?

    • Sorry I answered the question as if it were worded differently.. It’s normal to fantasize about someone you’re not with because you wouldn’t need to fantasize if you could easily just go and have yourself satisfied by the person you’re imagining being with... Ya get me?

    • Message me and I’ll explain... I’d message you first but I had to create a new account and I’m not able yet

  • I think so

  • Yes, and its harmless.

  • Yes, for me it is but no friends with benefits

  • It's quite normal to want what you don't have, can not get, or can't have.

  • Yes it is

  • Absolutely! I still fantasize about crushes from over a decade ago, imagining "if only". No need to feel guilty :)

    • UPDATE: If you really want to stop, just make a list of their negative qualities. But honestly, I don't see why it's a bad thing

  • Not to be rude, but this is why I will only marry a virgin.

    • To answer your question, though, my advice to you is to focus on your current relationship and work to improve that.

    • Ok lol to each their own.

    • @nazgol You're a cool person, and I care about you. I don't mean any offense personally, so please don't take my comment the wrong way.

    • Show All
  • I have to that I fantasize about. One I could do without, but I screwed up not marrying the other one.

  • Yeah, otherwise it wouldn't be a fantasy, but reality 🤔

  • Yeah it’s very normal. If you shame yourself for doing it you’ll only do it more

  • Find someone new to replace that memory.

    • I feel like he will never be replaceable...

    • If it was me, I definitely would take your mind off of him.

    • Haha

  • if you "Have" them, you don't need to fantasize

  • Igs healthy and normal. Everyone fantasizes about something. My wife fantasizes about her step sister and she finally invited her to bed with us and had a great time.

  • Of course

    who doesn't fantasize about celebs. for example

  • diy would help

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