Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Is slut shaming wrong?

I use to slut shame. Not go out of my way to call a promiscuous woman a slut, but would just look down on them. I considered the unclean and loose. I think after being in the military surrounded by guys, I have changed. I listen to the guys brag about cheating, sleeping around, and slut shaming women who engaged in sex. I started to think, I am being unfair. Why do I down these women when all these men do the same and get rewarded? Why am I making these girls feel bad about their sexuality? I don't think anyone should sleep around male or female but I can't call a woman a slut anymore. I feel bad. Some of these girls are sweet and are just experimenting at a young age. If men don't get shamed, I refuse to shame another woman. I think it also makes it hard for women to be in touch with their sexuality because they are always afraid of being called a slut. For example, I don't sleep around. I am actually engaged but I am still scared to share my sexual desires with my fiance because I fear he will think I am a slut. I have always fantasized about threesome with 2 or 3 guys but I won't date tell him because I am afraid of what he will think. We are both conservative. I have never even had an orgasm. Is it because I am afraid of being in touch with my sexuality? I am 31 years old. Sometimes I think maybe I should have experimented in my 20s, instead of being a good girl. Maybe I'd have an orgasm. Anyways back to slut shaming. Any other people start thinking slut shaming is wrong?
Updates:
+1 y
My definition of slut_ a person who sleeps with so many people in a short period of time they wouldn't be able to identify the father of pregnant. Or someone who has slept with 50% of the people you know. I still think it's careless and dangerous but it's their choice and I have no right to force my opinions on them. Afterall it isn't my life that's affected.
+1 y
A woman having sex doesn't make her a slut in my opinion. Women have sexual needs and will have sex. I looked down on those who had no standards and just slept with any and everything.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Depends. Thinking less of sluts aka promiscuous women is NOT wrong. Making it clear you dislike promiscuous behaviour is NOT wrong. Bullying and discriminating is though.

    Why is it ok to look down on promiscuity (this also accounts for promiscuous men) ?

    Promiscuous people have been linked again and again to...
    ... mental instability and higher rates of mental illness
    ... higher rates of STDs (It's a numbers game)
    ... be more likely to be a single parent (numbers game)
    ... have higher rates of abortion (numbers game)
    ... have less stable relationships and higher divorce rates
    ... have increased chances of having been in an abusive relationship
    ... be more likely to cheat
    ... be more likely to become addicted
    ... be more likely to come out of a broken household.

    Want some sources?

    cdn.freedomainradio.com/...iage_Partners_Study.pdf
    -> Page 19-25. Especially Page 24-25 is quite relevant.

    www.everydayhealth.com/.../...eaten-longevity.aspx

    medicalxpress.com/.../...partners-linked-drug.html

    news-releases.uiowa.edu/.../061411paik_study.html

    www.barbararisman.com/.../...earch_final_paper.pdf

    www.ideals.illinois.edu/.../Saroj_Hardit.pdf
    -> Promiscuity is linked to sexual aggression.
    -> Page 59. "The number of sexual partners was positively related to parental violence."
    -> Page 70. "As the number of sexual partners increased, so did the propensity to sexually aggression."

    https://www.bradley.edu/dotAsset/165862.pdf
    -> Page 4. "Perhaps the strongest personality correlate of risky sexual behaviour is impulsive sensation-seeking"
    -> Page 8. Promiscuous people are more likely to be impulsive, have low agreeableness, low conscientiousness, sensation-seeking and a higher level of sexual infidelity.
    -> Page 14. "People who describe themselves as more unfaithful tend to have personality traits linked to a lack of trust and empathy (i. e. low agreeableness)"

    • www.sociopathicstyle.com/psychopathic-traits/
      -> Point 11. Promiscuity is a common symptom of psychopathy. Goes hand in hand with the other study mentioning impulsiveness as it shows it here on point 14.

      ink.library.smu.edu.sg/.../viewcontent.cgi
      -> Page 8. Higher amount of sexual partners is directly linked to higher degrees of psychopathy, narcissism, machiavellianism and an increase of any combination of those 3.

      genepi.qimr.edu.au/.../CV262Bailey_UQ_Copy.pdf
      -> Page 4, Table 1. (Note: Sociosexuality = Parameter for willingness to engage in sexual activity outside of comitted relationships)

    • To put it into my own words: I think promiscuity is a symptom of mental instability and is a way of self-destructive behaviour, just like i. e. Obesity (not physical-health induced obesity). It's a huge red flag objectively, biologically and evolutionary for anyone who wants a comitted and successful relationship. Thus there is no logical argument to me that promiscuity is in any way to be seen as positive.

  • I'm very simple - I don't slut shame. A woman can be my classmate and be a slut at the same time and so long as she performs well, I don't care. She could be my coworker and even if she sucked a dick on lunch break, I still wouldn't care so long as did her job well didn't impede my progress. I could even be a friend of a slut, so long as she doesn't cause me any trouble. Heck, maybe even a best friend.

    But I would not date her, much less marry her. Have sex.. maybe. If she was tested. But not date or marry. I don't have to shame or hate a person to not find them as an appealing potential partner. I don't prefer sluts much like I wouldn't prefer little girls or old grannies. They're not dating game for me.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I think it's amazing you stopped slut shaming. I think Im one of the girls you'd shame. Im 18 but look a lot younger due to my round cheeks, braces and shyness. Im generally making safre and sane decisions and am a bit of a prude when it comes to provoking clothing.
    However, I also am a curious person and like to try out things. I've had a boyfriend, I had two one night stands of which one was with a guy and one with a girl, I had a threeway and since I have needs I have a friends with benefits now which goes fine. I kissed 2 people at one once, done body shots... all only one time, to try. I want to settle down with a loving partner as soon as I find one. In daily life Im just a normal medicine student who tutors kids and paints to get by. I consider myself honest and caring and my sexual experiences shouldn't define who I am.

    • Actually no. I wouldn't have thought you were a slut. I mainly looked down on men and women who slept with so many people in a short period of time they wouldn't be able to determine the father of their child If they got pregnant. Or those who slept with so many they didn't even know their names. Like the ones who bring home a different guy every weekend night. I don't really consider you a slut.

  • It is most definitely wrong. There is nothing wrong with sex and if someone wants to have sex with a hundred different girls or guys they should be able to do so with no comment made on them.
    Everyone needs to stop it.

    Also just talk to your guy. Explore and have fun. It may be scary at first but trust me you will have a lot of fun.

  • yeah i think slut shaming is wrong, i can't deny i used to do it too, but after thinking about it all more i realized that even the word "slut" is a harsh one. i mean i still dont agree with sleeping around like bringing a new guy home every night, but its none of my business and it isn't my body so i just dont care.

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What Girls & Guys Said

8 14

  • I'm glad you've had a change of heart and I think you're right. Girls has just as much desire for sex as guys do, so I don't really understand why one gender gets shamed for it and the other doesn't.

  • Slut shaming is wrong. The term is wrong. The words are wrong. And if you don't go around answering the question - "How many men have you slept with?" No one will know how many people you've slept with. IT"S NO ONES BUSINESS

  • Sure. But dude, if you a ho, then you a ho. Doesn't matter if you're a guy or a girl. No ones telling you to stop, but that's what you are. If you don't wanna be called that, then you shouldn't have done what the word entails.

    • Exactly, if the definition of a word applies to your behavior, then you can't complain when people call you that word. It's like if a person laughs at other people's misfortunes, and then cries because they call them an asshole.

    • ohmygod. AMEN

  • I think 90% of the time it's done when the girl wasn't even acting like a slut. A girl that is a nympho isn't a slut... she just likes sex.

    Guys getting rewarded for cheating? Being a Slut (male or female) isn't a good thing and isn't something to be proud off. Sluts usually have an emotional/sexual abuse in their past that they are using sex to feel better.

  • Shaming is wrong, unless the actions of that person affect negatively other people. Sleeping around isn't wrong unless obviously not taking any precautions, so slut shaming, both men and women, is wrong.
    BUT, calling someone a slut doesn't mean you're shaming them, you're just describing them. If they don't want to be seen as sluts, then they shouldn't sleep around.

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