A bachelor party is not a free pass to do whatever you want. He was still in a relationship with you, and he should have discussed limits and boundaries prior to the party. That said, YOU should have discussed it as well. You both should have addressed that issue. Still, he's the one who crossed a line, and he's responsible for that.
It was wrong for him to do that without ensuring that you were comfortable with it first. You have every right to feel shocked and upset. However, it doesn't necessarily need to ruin your relationship. Talk to him about how you feel, and see what he has to say. It's likely that he never intended to hurt you, and if he's been a good and faithful husband since, it probably isn't worth letting this get you too bent out of shape. Hopefully with some communication, you two can work through it. And next time you find yourself in a similar type of position, you'll know to lay the ground rules ahead of time.
Clubs are pretty rulesy. Pretty low-risk, as these things go.
Uh, how'd you "find out", after 3 years?
Three years! That's such a long time. I mean, Jesus, even the IRS only has a 3-year statute of limitations to audit. LOL
But, in all seriousness, what's yr source, and how did this possibly take 36 months to surface?
In any case -- Yes, I'm fully aware that people have differing standards of where boundaries lie. But, even taking that into account, I just can't imagine the calculus by which it's worth throwing away an entire marriage over something like this. Literally, can't imagine it.
Unless you've already decided to throw the marriage away for other reasons, and this is just a retroactive rationale... Is that the case?
i'm not really considering a divorce. I just don't know how to feel about it. One of his friends, who was at the party, just casually mentioned it. I pressed him for details and he told me what happened.
I think this was 1.5 forevers ago, and ultimately nothing of any consequence happened. Also, I'm betting that whatever yr imagining is a lot worse than the reality -- again, gentlemen's clubs tend to be very rulesy. Private parties are another animal entirely, but, as I understand it, this wasn't one of those. There may even have been significant pressure on him, to do whatever small amount of grabbing and groping the club would actually allow. You never know. Crowds of boys can be absolutely fucking relentless, when it comes to pushing peers toward sexual activity. It's that way when they are 13, and it's still that way when they are twice that age. It's very easily possible that he participated only reluctantly. VERY easily possible. Especially once the alcohol started to flow, that pressure could get even worse. Srsly, babes, this is one you should definitely let go.
Thanks for your advice
I would have a party with girlfriends, hire a sexy male stripper. Stroke his cock a bit and not tell my hubby for exactly 3 years. Then once that 3 years is up I would tell him. "you mad honey?" Mwahaha
In all seriousness though, I'd be really upset, 3 years or not. If you told him you stroked some guys cock before you were married I'm sure he'd be mad too. Time doesn't dismiss his actions. That really sucks he never respected you enough not to finger a stripper. Divorce is extreme, but he's got some apologizing to do. How is he reacting? Is he sorry or is he downplaying it?
He says he's "sorry that I'm reacting this way" but he claims that it's normal and all men do it. I don't know. It just hurts, you know?
If that's normal by his standards I'd be worried. I've never dated a guy that thought that was normal. I'm not even a prude and have gone to the strippers lots and had lap dances but there's a line and he crossed it.
So what do I do? I don't think he's sorry at all, really
I've heard of girls doing worse at their bachelorette parties.
It seems like people just use bachelor and bachelorette to do things they know their partner wouldn't be ok with. I think if there's something you know your partner wouldn't be ok with you doing right in front of them, then you shouldn't do it behind their back either.
Yes they do
lets say he's been the perfect husband... u gonna throw all that away over a grope at a bachelor party 3 years ago?
if ur marriage is on the rocks then toss it on the current pile of problems if ud like.
seems petty regardless of your current situation.
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!Years ago? Why the hell do you care. He wasn't your husband then. It was a party. Let it go.
He was ABOUT to be her husband.
It was his stag night, i guess the yanks call it bachelor night.
@samhradh_leannan So he groped the girl. If he's fucked her, I might see that as a problem but it sounds like he's been true blue ever since so I can't believe she won't let it go and move on to the present.
I didn't think that strippers allowed people touch usually unless if it was a lap dance, but yes, I do think that's common place in bachelor parties.
And "cheating" depends on you. Just because he was at a bachelor doesn't give him leeway. He's using that as an excuse to me. I wouldn't be uncomfortable though because I would have groped my male stripper...
You did have male strippers right? :D
I didn't have any but I didn't want any, so it's kind of different
This is why I never want to get married, because he'd want a bachelor party and I don't want him touching other women, not even strippers. No lap dance or nothing from no one else.
not all men are like that, some are old fashioned.
@Sabretooth this type of shit went on back in the days too though lol
i suppose, but i'm referring to the old fashioned ideals. physical attraction is an important trait, but a spiritual connection is even more so.
It was 3 years ago.
Between what happened at his bachelor party to now, has he ever been unfaithful? Has he ever cheated on you in the last 3 years?
If the answer is no, why are you stressing out about it?
If the answer is yes, leave him.
It's rather common.. and now, it's old news. Sure, you just found out.. but.. it's ancient history.
3 days ago.. how was the relationship?
Make all judgments based off of that.
If things were good 3 days ago, tell him how this news makes you feel, but honestly try to just let it go. Don't make him "make it right"
If things were already bad or shaky.. well.. here's another bullet for the chamber.
Lmao. Normal. Expected. He's right. It's fine. My husband and I went to a strip club and the girls aggressively made the patrons touch them. Hell my husband bought me a lap dance and she sucked my nipples and motorboated my pussy. Like pulled my shorts over and it was full contact. My husband sees girl on girl action as cheating as much as girl on guy but he didn't get mad. Why? Because we were at a strip club and that's what happens there.
That you found out? No. That it happened, yeah.
i wouldn't be okay with that at all...
that would not sit well with me. nope. i don't think i could get over that.
What did you think happens at bachelor parties?
"Normal" and "acceptable" are two differetnt things.
Is it "normal?" Eh, it's not something *all* grooms do, but it happens.
Is it acceptable? That's up to you to decide.
For what it's worth, if I found out my girl did something like this I'd be absolutely livid. Perhaps even to the point of breaking up. I know that's a big reaction, but cheating is a big action.
Hmmm I wouldn't leave him for it but you have a right to be mad. Just not worth throwing away a marriage. So feel free to make him feel guilty or give him a bit of hell just know where to draw the line. But weather it's cheating or not is kind of a gray area. Like I wouldn't call it cheating but it's not an okay think either
It's always the intent that determines cheating, not always the act itself. This guys feels up a random women's coochie, then lies about it, then justifies it as being faithful.
Uh huh
Personally, I wouldn't be happy with that.
You shouldn't think anything of it.
You married him. If you can't excuse and forgive him for doing stupid shit the one night in his life where he is expected to do some stupid shit, then the problem is with you, and not with him.
That's kind of a douchey move.
He was gonna be married...
I don't consider that cheating because he was still a bachelor but it was extremely disrespectful. Not that I believe in bachelor parties but if it HAD to happen, he said hv kept his hands to himself.
So you're saying that boyfriends/girlfriend and fiancee's cannot 'cheat' on each other because they aren't married?
You two should break up you deserve better.
haha
What happened at your bachelorette party?
We played games and ate and drank
Cool. In hindsight you should have laid out the ground rules before the parties. My Ex and I didn't do Bachelor and Bachelorette parties and if I would ever get married again I still wouldn't do it.
It was 3 years ago. Let it go
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