Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Me and my boyfriend have not had sex in 2 years. How can I change this?

Me and my boyfriend starting our relationship in late June 2019. I was 22, about to turn 23 and he was 27 and about to turn 28. We met on Tinder. I gave him my phone number after 2 hours of chatting, since i wasdone with Tinder after using it for 6 weeks. Me and him texted back and forth and while flirty never sexual. We started phone calls after 2 days, we talked legit for 8 hours about everything and anything. We met up for coffee a week after meeting on Tinder. We had dinner and after that we walked for a bit. I kissed him in the park and we found a quiet cornor where we made out for a few hours.

Fastforward 6 weeks later (early/mid August) and I kinda moved in with him. I officialy gave up my own apartment in November.

His apartment was the bigger one, but with 37m2 foe 2 people and 2 cats with no separate rooms it became crowded. We searched for a bigger aparment, but never got lucky.

Meanwhile we still had sex, but because I have a hormonal dissease I can not take hormonal birth control since I suffer severe and dangerous side effects from it. Add a latex allergy and sex can became less fun for him.

He never pushed me do anything I did not want or was uncomfortable with. He never liked wearing condoms (and who would tbh), also due his size. His penis would look like your skin dows when you wear too tigh jeans.

We had less and less sex because of that. I would ask him to mastrubate me, which he did for a while aswell. He would not let me touch him, if I did he would get super angry and push me of. I would research alternative bc methods, such as the female condom and lambskin condom and even offered him anal.

The last time we had actual sex was January 7th 2020.

I had made plans with my Gyno regarding a copper IUD. I had it before, but had it removed because it was placed wrong and hurt like hell. Due the pandemic, my appointment was postponed.

Me and my boyfriend got into fights about nothing in that tiny aparment due the lockdowns, but made up always after.
Updates:
+1 y
He came to a breaking point in September 2020 and dumped me. I left the aparment, moved in back with my parents and gave him space. I was a wreck. After 2 weeks, we were going to have dinner and I wrote him a letger about all the good moments we had and all the things I loved and admired about him. That made him cry and we made up and I inheired a lot of money in October of 2020 due a family member passing. I used that money to find nice house. He first said he did not want to move with me strai
+1 y
Straight away because he felt like it would be better for us to live apart for a while. I was upsett by this and postponed me moving out of his apartment for 2 months till he caved and said one day "f it, let's move the cats today to the new house and live there". I hoped that the extra space would help, but still no change. I got a copper a copper iud again, which he seemed really excited about at the time. He never took use of it and after 6 months during a check up it turned out it was plac
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Superb Opinion

  • If he has a latex allergy. You can use polyurethane, nitrile or lambskin. I'd suggest nitrile.

    You can use a diaphragm and spermicide. If an IUD won't take. There's even the sponge.

    You can get tubal ligation. He can get a vasectomy. If you want kids and are afraid reversal won't work. You can get eggs frozen or he can get sperm frozen. Also you two have been together long enough and are old enough. You can have kids or just roll the dice on getting pregnant earlier than ideal by using the rhythm method and pulling out.

    Basically, there are effective options to prevent pregnancy. Which will work for both of your problems. There's also the alternative of having kids. Anyways, whatever his issues are. They are not related to birth control. You have serious relationship issues. Which, if you want to save it, need the intervention of a medical professional.

    Go for couples counseling. He may also need to see a sex therapist or go together. You've already tried hoping you can fix it or that it will fix itself. It hasn't and it won't. It's time to bring out the professionals.

    • I have the latex allergy. Also he has a study debt that is about €80.000. If we have a child right now, i will become his taxpartner by default and my income and house will be taken into account in how much he has to pay every month, even if we sre not married. I do not want or finaces become combined this way and neither does he. Ofcourse, right now we both pay the bills for the house, the cats and the car etc but his student debt is something else. Combined with the fact that we are both too young/not even thinking aboht kids. I want to advance in my career, so does he. I do not want to become a part time worker with baby puke on my nice clothes because my baby puked on me begore an important meeting. I proposed going to a counselor a few times, he says we do not need it and I should just give him time and space

    • He’s had two years of time and space. The issue won’t resolve itself. While 80K is a lot. It’s nothing compared to a house. I’d suggest budgeting his spending. Then apply all remaining income to pay off the principal.

    • True to the first part. In our country (Holland) student debts and taxes are really weird. Right now he is paying back the lowest amount, but due having such a gigh student debt his salary gets taxed differently whoch means he gets more salary on his bank account. This can go on for 13 more years, then it has to be payed of in total

Most Helpful Guy

  • Get married, then I'll answer your question.

    You people are so confused about what "goodness" really is. IN spite of real poll data confirming that cohabitating couples are less happy than married couples, you all especially on these liberal websites like this one, you all insist on living like little whore and man-whore wannabes.

    Anyway, you're never going to be happy when you define happiness in terms of how often you have sex anyway.

    also, be glad you aren't n African American in the U. S. here these people have 3 or 4 illegitimate children because of sex outside marriage. Maybe that's what you want for yourself? If not, w hy are you living the same lifestyle?

    grow up, and find Godly counsel. And no, that doesn't mean Joel Osteen, that means someone like me who'll rebuke you to your face.

    Not only are you and people like you never going to be happy cohabitating with your illegitimate relationships, but you're honestly on your way to Hell...

    I dont know what the deal is with all these whores aand man-whores on this website and the rest of the internet, but I could never have sex with a woman without a complete blood test being done, not just the 10 worst STD... I want a complete workup done for whatever my friend caught in Vegas that time too.

    It probably doesn't do you any good writing to you. You people ignore Godly counsel with or without evidence, and you ignore Earthly counsel with or without evidence. Have it your way.

    I'm not telling you how to get more sex. Get married and grow up and stop acting like a 14 years old with your imbalanced hormones BS.

Most Helpful Girls

  • First I’m sorry it seems you have been through quite a lot. I hope things calm down a bit for you you deserve some peace.

    Before I’m able to process the rest of like to ask you about the “He became very angry when I tried to touch him”

    Do you have any insight as to this erratic behavior? I found it troubling on many levels but maybe I misunderstood something.

    • I will give an example; Me and him are laying in the bed, kind of in a cuddle. I have my hand on his stomach (covered by his shirt). We cuddle, kiss abit and move our arms over eachother. After a while I move my hand a bit lower, which he does not react to. More of this untill I am with my hand on his crotch, which he then notices. He gets angry, pushes my hand of and says something allong the lines of "not now", which I ask him "then when" which he says "I dont know, just not now" he then turns his back to me and ignores me for a few minutes and then just talks like nothing happends. When I ask him what that is about, wheter it is in the moment or sometime after, he just responds with that he did not feel like it

  • A romantic relationship requires emotional love/connection. Something is missing here, then it leads to less to no sex.
    Can you work on that to rebuild the love? or was there any?

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 32

  • You moved in with somebody you only knew for 6 weeks. The odds of that working out are very low. Yeah, it can work but it's like winning the lottery. Most people don't win the lottery & you didn't either.

    You're very focused on sex. I bet there's 50 other problems in your relationship that you didn't even mention. Most likely your boyfriend is getting sex from somebody else and just using you to help pay rent. Weird but it happens.

    • My other observation is that your boyfriend is exactly the kind of guy feminists say they want: passive, harmless, mute, practically a mindless child. A real man would have let you know this relationship isn't going to work... 2 years ago. You should get better life goals than just having a boyfriend, an apartment and sex. You'll be better off for it.

  • If u guys love each other then work on it and do what It takes. If not then move on. Why waste time

  • You know when you love somebody you make it work you will go to the ends of the Earth to find out what you can do to make it work that's all there is to it there's no reason to get upset or pissed off I mean I can show you ways or tell you ways how you can have sex without any penetration and have the best orgasm you've ever had in your life there are ways to do this send me a message I will tell you how also how come he's not on now birth control or whatever and believe me due to size there are some very good condoms out there they're hard to find but there are out there but you guys need to do is not think about what you can't have what you're missing out on look at it as what you do have and how you're going to make it better

  • Wow, that's terrible. You really need to get into a clinic to have an IUD properly placed. No need to deprive yourself of intimacy.

    • I had it placed the second time by a top gyno in the country (Holland). Still placed wrong, something with the shape of my uterus causes it to not hook in properly

    • Did they recommend another option for you?

    • No, sadly with my hormonal dissease that prevents me from having hormonal birth control this and condoms are the only options. There is something about the shape of my uterus that prevents the iud from hooking in properly, theh told me

    • Show All

  • This gonna need more than 1000 words opinion. When i started reading about people breaking up while in lockdown, o thought it was funny. It is in a way that people's mentality is weak but the communication part between partners was really bad and them discovering it then breaking up instead of learning how to communicate is really fascinating, not in a good way. But! When two people beeak up, the happy ones about it are the least causing the break. You are happy, which means it's not all your fault, you always have a part in the break up, but at the same time you did yoir part and yet the relationship became toxic. Not having sex is psychological stress for both. What to do? Communicate or go to therapy, read about it and acknowledge it.
    Best of luck.

  • Get a new boyfriend. How many more years are you going to wait?

  • No sex until marriage, that's how it has to work. Sex before marriage, no real belief in Jesus no purpose in even getting together in the first place.

  • Why is sex so important? I’ll never understand

    • After being in a relationship for 2,5 years and not having had sex at all for 2 years, sex would be nice to have again

  • This is sad that it's been 2 years no sex for you both I feel there needs to be more communication

  • Find a new boyfriend, From what I am reading. One of you two or both of you is not happy, time to move on.

    • We communicate and he has been saying how happy he is since we moved to this bigver house that I bought. I am alose happy beside the sex part

    • Well, then you get a side piece or flick the bean. It's because everyone needs a sexual release. People say they can live without it, They are lying.

  • It seems like he may have issues that have manifested in him not being willing to have sex with you. Perhaps he is denying sex as a way to punish you. I suggest you think about seeing a professional couple's therapist.

  • You need a new guy. He's just not into you.

  • fairly obvious to me that you two do not work as a couple. one or both of you are trying to force it to work which only winds up pushing you both further apart phsycologically. his getting angry at you trying to pleasure him comes across as either some sort of resentment or shame. am thinking somewhere along the journey he has had some sort of sexual disfunction happen (such as ED, guilt from sleeping withsomeone else, or lack of sex lead to some sort of porn addiction) .

  • Never EVER EVER move in!
    Monogamy is bad enough but the MOVING IN part ruins the whole fuuckin deal! But since you're deciding to be in this mess, I'd suggest losing weight if you're overweight now (that will really turn a guy off) and start wearing more sexy clothes.

  • You need a new boyfriend

    • Why would that be the only solution?

    • Because it's not a healthy dynamic. Either he can't give you what you need or he can't get what he needs from you. This doesn't go anywhere but down. I'm so sorry, and I hope you can find some solace and begin healing as soon as you can.

  • One you need to connect more on emotional level like do a trip somewhere where there is less technology.

    Ho camping or something.

    Consult a sexologist and have counselling because you both have some health issues and no one on here could suggest something great that will magically solve problem.

    But kudos i really appreciate the decision of being together inspite of these problems.

    He looks like a good person so i would suggest you fight yo problems together.

    Many will breakup for no reason at all without knowing why just a little inconvinience and bye bye don't be like them you are doing good

    You both need to consult the same Doctor

  • Seems like he’s feeling super insecure on top of all the other issues. If he’s not even willing to let you touch him, I’m not sure what you can do to fix that. I have been inthat position and it sucks.

    If it wasn’t for his reluctance to do anything I would think you could still do oral on each other, rim, use toys, etc and still have some intimacy. But if he’s unwilling I think it would be better for both of you to move on. I get the sense he’s using you for the comfortable living arrangement, in which case you’re just rommates.

  • Sorry, but I think the only way to change it is to change your boyfriend. I just get the feeling you'll always be a sexual inconvenience to him, and there might not be enough love to overcome this.

  • 2 years? there is something wrong then

  • The end of your second update got cut off.

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