Sexual Relationships
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My boyfriend is a receiver but not a giver?

I struggle with blowjobs because of my hyperactive gag reflex so even with the tip I am gagging. It is really uncomfortable and I always end up with a headache. My boyfriend expects blowjobs often but will rarely go down on me. He says that he never went down on his exes so I should feel lucky that he will with me. I blow him probably about 3-4 times a week and he will go down on me maybe once a month. I have told him that I don't see it as fair but he just ignored it and changed the subject. Am I overreacting thinking that it is unfair?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • You're not overreacting. It is unfair. You should be doing him whenever he needs it AND he should be doing you whenever you need it. You should be able to tell each other when you need it too. It's that simple. Frequencies of need don't matter either. You can need it more than him or he can need it more than you. Both are okay. That's one of the great things about oral sex! Talk to him about it again. Don't accept non answers, changed subjects or being ignored! (By the way, always wash up with plain water in the shower first so that you smell and taste good.)

    • I do wash up well and I keep everything neat down there. That's the only reason that he does go down when he does.

  • You're not overreacting. He's being an entitled jerk in this and may be in other areas of your relationship.

    About your gag reflex: I have it too. A good way to circumvent it is to use your hand and tongue - so basically be giving him a handjob while licking the tip and getting your tongue under the foreskin and also you can kiss and lick down the veins that are visible on the dick. Take it in your mouth rarely but when you do, use your lips to clamp down near the top and keep giving a handjob. Trust me.

    • That's what I usually do but he still coaxes it into my mouth and takes control every once and awhile.

    • Ok... I think you should put your foot down and tell him that it is upsetting you. Listen, I've been in a relationship with a guy like this. You know what the worst thing was? Afterwards any guy I slept with said that he didn't even feel like I was in the bed. And the relationships fizzled out. The guy who messed me up had even hated when I tried to get involved in the sex except to just lie there while he made decisions about how I ought to lie. I remember one guy telling me 'you barely touch me or move unless it's to give me head - why don't you want to connect with me?' I was young back then so very impressionable, but you might not realise how this is affecting you mentally and emotionally.

  • Tit for Tat... If he is demanding BJ's then he should be rewarding you, specially if doing it make you that uncomfortable. Now you don't have any obligation to do it if you really don't want to. Just stop and maybe just then he will stop avoiding the conversation and get down to business :) .

    • I told someone else how I tried stopping but he stopped have sex with me. I have a higher drive than he does and I think he knew I couldn't last too long.

    • Sex is a very important thing in a relationship, you really can only pretend to ignore or deal with things you don't like for some time. It is important as all the other things to care and value in your relationship, if you think you can deal with it for the rest of the time then try to manage it, if not you may want to start putting things on a scale and see if he is even the ONE for you. Time is the only thing you can never get back. Don't forget that. Good luck

Most Helpful Guys

  • God these type of men piss me off.. If I had a girlfriend who was uncomfortable giving me head I'd be bummed out but completely understand, I would still give her oral whenever she wanted without hesitation. To me her enjoying my effort is enough of a reward, and it's not even effort I'd probably enjoy it. He's a selfish dick and you don't need that...

    • But can you at least understand why he would still want me to even though I'm uncomfortable?

    • Of course I would like it, but I don't expect it all.

    • Especially if it bothered her...

  • Oh woman.
    You always find yourself falling for dicks... okay... that kinda makes sense.

    Oh woman... you always find yourself falling for pretentious selfish dicks instead of the marvelous golden cock and balls ain't it.
    prepostourist.com/.../Golden-Penis-669x1024.jpg

    So nah , you ain't overreacting , you're reacting.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Maybe that's WHY they are his exes...

  • No, he's actually not a good guy, despite what you keep telling everyone here. A good guy is not selfish and is willing to satisfy you sexually no matter what. A good guy doesn't use sex to manipulate you. A good guy would realize thay giving blowjobs actually hurts you and wouldn't EXPECT them. Your boyfriend is NOT a good guy and that's all. You should find someone who cares about your needs.

  • Simple, only give when you're guaranteed to receive. That's the only way to cure his selfishness.

    • I tried and he stopped having sex with me for about a week or two until I broke and gave in.

    • Are you serious? This guy is just manipulative and selfish. I would actually reconsider your relationship with him.

    • Yeah I'm serious. I was trying to initiate but he would brush me off and when I offered a blowjob finally we started back up. I don't really want to dump him because he is actually a good guy.

    • Show All

  • it is definitely unfair, you should go on strike and not do it until he can return the favour

  • You are not overreacting. He can have but you can not have? This is not fair.
    He tells you; you are luckyy? Because he does once in a month?
    This boy needs a lesson. lol

    Just stop any sexual acitivity with him. Tell him he needs to change. His attitude is selfish. If he does not change, just leave him.

    • He knows that I have a higher sex drive than him and he plays it against me.

    • This is not cool, girl. He is playing with you. I would not be comfortable. So you need to control your desires. It is not impossible. You deserve a respectful relationship. Respect is earned. If he plays with you, so do not give it either.

  • Your boyfriend is a selfish lover.

    He'll either change because he wants to, or he won't do it at all. My money is on the latter.

    • We have been together for five months do you still think that he could change?

    • I mean, it's possible, but he's already brushing off your feelings and it's only five months in? These are really bad signs.

  • This isn't fair! I gag easily too :(

  • Omg, what a selfish dick. You are in no way overreacting. A guy like that is someone I would never want to have as a partner, I'd rather be single tbh... You're lucky that he goes down on you once a month? Wtf, the most fucked up logic ever. Who does he think he is? Some kind of king that needs to be worshipped? I don't know how you've been able to survive being in a relationship with such a selfish and delusional dude. If I was you I'd break up, fucking hate selfish people.

    • well put and I totally concur @MissNowhere She needs to get a better more caring one

  • It's totally unfair. Time for a new boyfriend.

    • I probably won't be able to find one that will tolerate me 😂

    • Don't sell yourself short. It sounds like you are a generous lover. If you are as giving in other things, then you are a terrific girlfriend.

    • I'm a crazy one though.

    • Show All

  • You told us this now.. Time to sweet revenge him back... Ignore, refuse his calls and disconnect sexually. A fucking dickhead deserves nothing from u.

  • I'm a giver. Let's trade.

  • Tell him that you will only do swapsies... one for one and he can go first... lol

    • take your panties off and throw them to him telling him to put them on and when he does tell him that that is the only way he's getting into your panties until he changes his attitude. Just cut off his sex altogether until he toes the line. Either that or dump him and get a guy that is better behaved

  • "Suck your own dick then bitch" -you, to your ass boyfriend

    • LOL ditto

  • Not everyone likes going down on a woman. You don't have to give him so many bjs though if you don't want to.

    • He expects them. I have said that I have too much discomfort and his response was that I should like seeing him happy and that he suffers through discomfort when he goes down on me.

    • Then dump that asshole he's treating you like crap.

    • I hate dumping people and he is usually nice in our relationship...

  • He probably just doesn't like it.

    • I don't like giving blowjobs either.

    • But I still suffer through it.

    • Does he do things for you at all like take you out or anything buy you stuff or dinner?

    • Show All

  • Reduce fellatio on once a month. Create balance. That will fix his behavior.

    • Like I told someone else, I tried that but he stopped having sex with me until I gave in.

    • The new guy will more understand your need is a solution.

    • Tnx for MHG.

  • He's a selfish pos and you should dump him.

    • I have never dumped anyone and he is a nice guy outside of the bedroom.

    • You sound like a punching bag wife.

  • bite his dick once... he won't ask for bj next tym :P

    • Oh god 😂

    • :P.. he will always remember that!!

  • Stop giving blow jobs or just accept the reality, it will not change

    • We would stop having sex if I stopped the blowjobs. I probably just have to except the reality.

  • I put mine on pussy punishment until he learned to love going down on me. No sex till you work for it

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