Sexual Relationships
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My boyfriend is never in the mood for sex. Help?

Hello everyone, me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 8 years and recently, starting in about March this year he hasn't seemed too interested in having sex with me anymore. We used to do it at least once a week but now it seems like once every 2 months. He'll stop wanting to do stuff for a few weeks at a time and then randomly it'll be okay again for us and then it'll go downhill again. I tried talking to him about this but he just gets super mad at me. He always has an excuse like "I'm not in the mood" "I'm too tired" "I didn't know you were in the mood" "Maybe I'm stressed", etc. He is still super lovey with me and says he wants to have kids and get married still one day. I have suggested him go see someone about this because maybe he's low on something but he will not go. Everytime I mention this issue to him he says for me to stop talking about it. I even asked him if he could go months without doing anything and he said yes. What can I do? I am going insane! He even called me a sex addict for wanting to have sex at least once a week like we used to.
Updates:
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I don't want to break up either, I lovw him way too much. I just want to know what I can do, I have tried spicing things up also too.
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Also, I do get him hard still. He does get turned on still but he won't act on it, I notice that he gets turned on when I try to do stuff to him but he won't do anything about it
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Most Helpful Girls

  • women love to talk. men won't talk unless they trust you. unfortunately he's been with you for 8 years and he knows you well enough to know that whatever is on his mind- if you knew what it was- you'd be angry. it's his attempt to shield either you or himself- or both- of the pain of you knowing what's on his heart. it could lead to cheating, but the most likely scenario is that you really get under his skin and it's normal to not want to have sex with someone you have a beef with. it may lead to cheating because he may have sex with someone else to take care of his blue balls. he doesn't want to tell you because you're probably very good at taking his complaints and turning it to make it seem like it's his fault. so he can't win. his feelings aren't validated. so rather than get into a nuclear war that he can't win- he just sits in a cold war with a cold shoulder.

  • You started dating as kids (15yo?) and now maybe the stresses of adulthood are taking over. Does he eat well, excersise regularly and get a good nights rest each day? All those things can either help or hinder a good sex life.

  • That happened to me too, and he was cheating on me. I really hope that's not the case for you. It's worth just asking him about it. Get down to why he's not interested... good luck!

Most Helpful Guys

  • "We need to talk about this, this is important to me, and up until recently you were fine with how things were and now you're not. I am not happy with "that's how it is now, I'm not explaining", couples talk and compromise but I can't if every time I bring it up you shut me down"

  • You will have to make him talk about it more with you. He has to be able to talk to you about anything and be open or it will only get worse. You can tuck it away or blame it on something, it can be fixed but he has to be willing to try.

    • Finally a decent answer. Thank you.

    • Relationships are based on communication so he is going to have to work on that if he wants to keep you around. He also has to make sure he is meeting all of your needs.

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 27

  • Biologically speaking, he's been having sex with you for years, and it hasn't produced any offspring.
    So, biologically, his body is telling him to move on.

  • If he doesn't fight you back, lay him down and ride him like you mean it.

  • You have to sit down with him like the previous person said and discuss it with him. Only he can tell you what he is truly feeling. If he truly loves you he will be open and honest with you.

  • It won't change so you have a decision

  • gonna be devils advocate here... have you gained any substantial weight or changed in a way he maybe didn't like it but doesn't say so as not to hurt your feelings

    • that's what I was thinking too

  • him getting angry is a natural defense technique to keep your mind away from the main fact which is that he's cheating on you, look from my experience (and by that I don't mean only me) sometimes a man fall in love with a woman as a person not a female, which means he thinks she will be the best life partner for him, so if he lost interest in her sexually especially after a long time relationship and taking her as granted, he won't bother discussing it or even think to leave you rather than searching for sex partners, so he would be enjoying being with the perfect partner on one side and enjoy the passion life on the other side no strings attached !
    breaking up is not the best direct solution for you, you have to focus on your self more, get into sport or other activities and keep your self busy and your mind away from your man, start loving your self more and get far from him and you'll see everything more clearly...

  • He probably got bored or maybe there is really stuff going on. He could be insecure I don't know
    he might be cheating on you too.
    there just are many reasons to why he is acting like that.

  • Things are bound to slow down a bit after 8 years. And you're both pretty young.
    However, asking him to look into it with a doctor when you still get him hard could be insulting to his masculinity.

    But that's just my perspective as a guy.

  • try to get him to sleep earlier to get his testosterone up

  • i understand your point, my girlfriend is also like that. we have been dating for almost 2 years but we had sex for 4 time in this period

  • he sounds lazy. give him wake up dome then bang his brains out. if he pushes you off him he may be gay.

  • If the gender roles were reversed it would seem normal. Chillax and leave him alone. Jeez.

  • try some roleplay or wear sexy Lingerie
    tease him with objects
    if he is tired then let him sleep
    it's not compulsory that you should have sex only at night
    try in the morning
    and if nothing works visit a sexpert

  • It's supposed to fade out after 8 years. What did you expect? Jumping in the bed every two minutes?

  • Do you ever just go down on him?

  • maybe he's gay now

  • You now know how most guys feel

  • y all have been together 8 years. he might be bored

  • Maybe he is bored?

  • Have him see a doctor sounds like a testosterone problem

  • Show More (9)

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