My husband gets turned of if I want sex or initiate it, what can I do?

[Anonymous]

* he has anxiety issues e. g. if he has bad day at work he can't have sex
* He always uses excuses like he's sick, tired, upset etc. I understand his work is stressful and long hours.
* He doesn't like it if I masturbate infront of him, it's a major turn off he said. He makes me feel like I'm a monster for doing that.
* He finds it annoying if I ask for sex
* He finds it a turn of if I seduce him
* He is 32m, I am 29f, been living together for 6 years
* What I find the most weird is he has a erection and he still doesn't really want to have sex sometimes
* He has rarely initiated
* I am always initiating but he does give me sex eventually but it's like pity sex when I ask. Like here you go, have it, kind of thing.

It seems like some kind of control issue, I really don't know what to do, any advice would be helpful, thanks x

[CrazyGirl2]

That’s tough! He may truly just be tired, or he may just be tired of you! How is the relationship otherwise? It seems you are not married, and don’t have kids, so... have you ever thought of just leaving? I just cannot imagine being totally in love with someone and NOT wanting to have sex, not wanting to watch them masturbate, guilting the person if they DO masturbate, or having an erection which, jet’s face it is a biological indicator of arousal, and not wanting you to (at least) touch it! Have you thought of maybe doing just that... touch it (well, touch him)? He may tell you he’s not in the mood, but act shocked, like “why would you think I want sex?” And hell him you just like the feel of his cock in your hand. Kinda like an organic fidget spinner! Just lay (or sit) next to him on the couch, and caress his cock lightly. Don’t jerk him off! If he asks you to tell him you'd rather have sex! Because if a man is “working” all the time, and although he’s horny he just isn’t “in the mood”, it could be because he may be cheating on you! This happened to a friend of mine, her b/f was acting the same as yours is. One day she managed to get him to agree to sex, but he DID NOT want a blow job, now bear in mind this was after like 30 minutes or her badgering him for sex, and now he doesn’t want a BJ, and he LOVED BJ’s... anyway she kinda said “why don’t you want me to suck it”? And managed to get close enough to his cock, where she suddenly realized that his cock ALREADY smelled like pussy! So, YEAH! That nasty bastard didn’t even wash afterwards!
Just be careful. Guys love sex, if he is “always working” and he’s never interested, it may just be because he really is always working, and never interested. But...

[EmmaMary]

I'm so sorry to ask if you've ever considered it possible that he may be getting "it" somewhere else.

[ZZed5]

:( that's really sad

[EmmaMary]

@ZZed5 I know, but it does need to be asked and considered.

[ZZed5]

Thank for bringing it up. I could have never think about it. I'll keep this un my mind. @EmmaMary

[Asker]

When men cheat on their wife, does it mean they stop having sex with the wife?

[ZZed5]

She means if he's getting it somewhere then he'd definitely be tired.. so he might skip it with you sometime.

[EmmaMary]

@Asker This sadly is very often the case and the signs are very obviously there.

[Asker]

I can't force him to tell me the truth or make him stop. All I can do is win him over. How I do that?

[Asker]

@ZZed5 how do I even know he is cheating, I never noticed anything odd.

[Asker]

@ZZed5 it says I can't

[EmmaMary]

You definitely do need to sit down with him and gently ask him what and where you are going wrong, and although sadly I can't see him being honest, you need to ask him if there's someone else, hopefully your woman's intuition should be able to tell you if he's lying or not.

[Asker]

It can be possible but I don't think he is due to the fact he is with me 24/7 or either at work.

[EmmaMary]

Do you know precisely what he's doing at work, or indeed if he's actually at work?

[Asker]

Well it seems like he does a lot at work. He would text me if he has time for lunch. The only time he can do anything is the one hour he goes early to work and leaves one hour late. So those are the times he could do something. Is 2 hours enough for cheating?

[EmmaMary]

Oh come on, what do you think? Two hours is enough for any man.

[Asker]

I don't know then it may be possible he's cheating. What do I do without any evidence? I can't confront.

[EmmaMary]

Of course you can confront, have you actually ever asked him outright if there is someone else? If not, do so, at least this might just put him a little uneasy.

[Asker]

He's not going to confess unless I have solid proof. And walking away from a marriage is hard, especially with all these restrictions. I just don't know what to do.

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHGirl.

[integrale77]

First of all sorry to hear about your situation sounds like seeing a therapist is going to help.

From the sound of things any plans on sex have to come from him.
Sadly it sounds like you might have to slip into a stereotypical housewife roll to appeal to him doing things like wanting him to hug you and hold you in his strong arms, snuggle up to him watching a film head on his chest.

Subconsciously make suggestions of sex to him like do the washing and leave some sexy undies on view for him or when wearing some sexy undies let him catch a glimpse they are there but cover up when he looks.
Maybe slip some underwear into his pocket for him to find when he's out if he texts you about them just say "I was wondering where they got to I thought the washing machine gobbled them up" or text him to say you think the washing machine has broken and eaten your underwear, either way he's thinking about looking after them for you all day.

[bowenw]

I'm sure he works hard at his job, but most guys can always find time and energy for sex - and it's a fantastic stress relief. Perhaps if the sex is always at the same time of day, in same place, in same position, etc., it's not as exciting as it was when it was new. Try different things, for example some toys from a sex shop, role playing, sex games, or watching porn for inspiration. Think about having sex in different locations such as in the shower, kitchen, outdoors, watching TV, in a vehicle, etc. Try tying him up and having your way with him and vice versa. If you have a bush, shave it or trim it. If you usually have intercourse, give him a hand job or blowjob. Swallow his cum if you don't usually do that provided you're both okay with it. Invite him to eat you to orgasm. Be open with what you want him to do. If he still isn't interested it could be he is cheating, masturbating a lot, needs counselling, or has a medical issue.

[MrOracle]

I definitely recommend some therapy together, but if I had to guess, he's worried about being able to perform, or being able to perform long enough to finish. If he's under stress from work or whatever, it can be difficult to maintain arousal, and I think that not being able to finish is making him feel like less of a man, so he's avoiding sex rather than risk failure and looking emasculated in front of you.

[AustinMan]

You two really, really need to see a good couple's therapist and work through this.

[Honesttguy]

Almost seems his anoyed to get sexually turned on, cus then something "painful" happens. Not sure what caused him pain be it physical or emotional. Thats why he have decided to avoid sex all together. And seems communication is not happening as well. Is he refusing blowjobs as well?

[JPrez]

Geez. Sorry you are going through this. For something like, I'd say you guys need couples therapy.

[boggboss]

And you two have spoken about it

[Asker]

Yes many times

[boggboss]

And what was the conclusion

[Asker]

He said it's like a control issue and can't pin point it. We are both trying to compromise.

[boggboss]

Maybe he is in need of therapy

[Wade8888]

No you don't need compromise, you need to be fucked properly at least twice a week. Your husband might be a closet homosexual. This happened to one of my female cousins in her first marriage. This is a shame. I feel sorry for you. I will also pray for you. I've seen God fix some pretty screwed up situations, but this is headed for Divorce.

[Angelo75]

Maybe he has a fetish. Maybe you could try to go into some master/slave kinda roleplay?
And try to find out the dirtiest sexiest (for him) thing he'd want to do to a woman, and start giving that to him?

[Floppy2112]

This is a huge red flag that your relationship is falling apart.
I was the guy in a situation like you presented. I almost never wanted to get intimate because she was a bad person and I resented her and the way she treated me. She would treat me like crap, talk to me like I am garbage and then want to get intimate.
I am going to guess that, unless he was always like that, which I doubt, he is harboring some deep-seeded resentment of you. If you want this marriage to last you better find out why and see what can be done to fix it or your going to be talking to lawyers pretty soon.

Not being one to sugar coat things I am going to put this to you plain, your marriage is in trouble.

[Massageman]

He may have had some sort of "shameful" thing happen in his childhood, etc. He can call 1-800-A-FAMILY for a counseling referral.

[ZZed5]

Masturbating in front of him should turn him on, & invite him for intercourse. Not sure what is going wrong here

[ZZed5]

Do he get horny around you?

[Asker]

Yes he does

[genericname85]

sounds like he just has a way lower drive than you do.

[Iknowbestgirls]

That's weird because sex received anxiety... Maybe you should do all the work, or just suck his dick so he can relax more. Sit him down give him a beer and just get in your knees and swollow his load. He will love it and release so much stress and you will get brownie points with him so it's a win win

[Jamie05rhs]

Wow wtf.

[oncpl]

But I love it extremely.

[Wise4myage]

Have you considered asking him to see a therapist? You are in your prime, so I think you should consider leaving him.

[Wiredone]

If he's getting hard around you but still doesn't want sex then I think he might be seeing someone else. If he's going to work an hour early and staying an hour late it's possible that his lunch hour is actually a 3 hour lunch and that's when he gets together with someone else.

[Meldrum]

You could sit him down and explain your concerns. It sounds like there's more going on than just tired or sick.

[robertKugler]

Awhh.. plan it ... wake up early ten minute get him one his day off n make it good masterbate next to him my girl used watch me sleep and go at her self like crazy.. In
Show up at work go out to the car or truck.. take him to lunch n fuck him where ever your at... do some thing Soo slutty... like threaten to fuck a co worker while he watched... do a web cam with a stranger while in bed.. be so fuck dirty he has no choice but put out your fire..

[bklynbadboy1]

I'm sorry but he might be cheating I can do a double and when I get home I still want to fuck. This doesn't make sense to me

[In_Trance]

Have sex with someone else

[OddBeMe]

So even if he’s stressed, you still can’t turn him on?