My man doesn't like me reading novels with sex scenes?

[Anonymous]

Been dating this man for almost a year now, I'm 24 and he's 26. I've known that he watches porn since before we got together, and even though I don't like it and i don't watch it, I've tried to pretend I don't care and whatever. But anyway, I read a lot, and plenty of the books I like have sex scenes in them. They're not actually like erotica or anything. I don't even read them to get turned on. But my man brought up the other day that it doesn't make him feel comfortable. He says he feels like I connect more with the male love interests than him and that I might be comparing them to him. I said that wasn't fair because he watches porn and I don't make a problem out of that, even if it makes me insecure. He said it's different. Is it fair for him to be complaining about this?

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, that doesn't really seem fair to me. A few thoughts:

- Reading fiction isn't the same as watching actual porn. There's no emotional connection forming to characters.

- You've expressed being uncomfortable with his porn use too, so it's hypocritical for him to now police what books you read.

- Unless the sex scenes are super explicit/graphic, I doubt you're connecting more to fictional guys than your real boyfriend! That's kinda insecure of him to think.

- Banning certain books sets a weird controlling precedent. What if next he says no romance novels at all?

I'd have another talk with him. Explain you're allowed to enjoy literature without it meaning anything about your relationship. Ask how he'd feel if you tried limiting his porn. Compromise by skipping particularly steamy parts if it bothers him THAT much.

But don't give in to unfair double standards, girl! Your reading habits really aren't something he should be policing like that. Stand your ground - you've been more than cool about his porn use!

[bowenw]

It's hypocritical and controlling behavior. It could be a harbinger of him planning to control you in other ways, like what you can wear, who you can be friends with, etc. If it doesn't stop I would be planning my exit strategy.

[Asker]

I have been thinking about it. tbh if he offered to stop watching porn I'd be open to not reading novels with really descript sex scenes, but he hasn't offered that.

[bowenw]

He believes it's different so he likely won't offer.

[bowenw]

Thank you for the MHO. 😊

[avery58]

No it's not he's being a hypocrite and super controlling. Who the hell gets jealous of a fictional character?

[SweetDripp]

It sounds like he’s way too insecure to be in a serious relationship.

[MrOracle]

It's not fair IF he's not willing to give up porn. He can't have it both ways.

[Lliam]

He sounds like a complete ass. Not only is he a chauvinistic hypocrite, he is also insecure and controlling.
You'll eventually discover that you deserve better.

[TommyMountainFigure]

No of course it isn't fair.. Honestly I don't know how you haven't dumped him after that!

[TommyMountainFigure]

Just out of curiosity, if you had to read sexually explicit literature for example as part of an English Literature Class you were taking, would he expect you to quit the class whilst he sat at home watching porn? If that be the case and you choose to stay with him long term? You would be treated no better than a caged animal under his complete control!

[Asker]

Yeah, I don't know. He hasn't outwardly told me he wants me to stop, but it's more than implied.

[Summeroflove]

Reading about sex isn’t much better. But I also think he has double standards. He’s holding you to something he won’t hold himself to. Maybe you aren’t meant to be… and are wanting different things.

[slatyb]

Dump him, find someone reasonable.

[Bricealan]

Sounds like a very insecure man

[HighValue]

Each person having some control of what is and isn't acceptable in a relationship is fine, but being hypocritical isn't. If he doesn't want you reading that kind of content, he should agree to stop watching porn too. It is important to have fair expectations in a relationship for it to be successful long term.

[dreamstar72]

Tell “but it’s ok for you to choose porn over me. You cut porn out and start reading my kind of books.”

[TheSpaceGnome]

No, he's being a hypocrite.
He's also being stupid, erotica books and porn are often good for couples to get ideas of things to do with eachother.

[Madlc]

From my personal view, I wouldn’t feel comfortable knowing my girlfriend is looking at other men.

as for the Novel and reading that is completely fine and I would have joined in to know what she likes and maybe we would try to implant them to our sex life.

[DrPepper12]

He needs to slow his roll. You both like different erotic media. Viva la difference!

[mistershy94]

He's insecure.

[MisterWack]

Maybe act out a sexy scene from his favorite porn then ask him if he could read your novel and pick out a sex scene worth trying out…

I just don’t see it as an issue and he should allow you to read whatever you like just like how you allow him to jerk off to porn all he likes.

[jahaims]

He set a boundary you disagree with. Decide to respect it and be with him or move on.

[Asker]

What about my boundaries though?

[Chris2769]

Take emotion out of it - what would you tell your bestie if she asked you this question?

[Straight2thepoint]

Jealousy over a hypothetical... that's no bueno.

[DrewJohnson]

Reading your books is not an issue. Sorry he's making a big deal of it.

[Twalli]

Romance novels do the same thing for girls that porn does for men, psychologically.

[Asker]

It actually doesn't. Only for some girls. I can read a graphic sex scene and not even blush. It's literally just more literature for me.

[Twalli]

Most guys don't blush watching porn

[Asker]

No, but I mean, it doesn't turn me on. Like I don't use it for self-pleasure.

[Twalli]

Okay, it's just that men get turned on and cum from poorn because they are a lot more visual. Women are a lot more mental and the wooing followed by loving sex in a novel turns them on in the same way porn does for men. Granted a guy can get off with other things if they have a good imagination. Erotica is just as good as actually as l porn for me because I have a very goid imagination. Unlike porn I can't fast forward through things I don't like or that don't excite me, but enough does.

[Asker]

I get that. I'm just saying, I'm not using novels for porn. And plenty of other women don't either.

[Twalli]

They're not using it for porn in the way I think you're describing. It gives them the same pleasure that guys get from watching porn even if you aren't masturbating.

[Asker]

Sometimes, but not always

[RedInnocent69]

Um, does he like having sex?

[CubaPirate]

WTF is wrong with him