Sexual Relationships
1 y

My wife’s sex drive does not match mine?

This is becoming unbearable. I’m an attractive dude. I workout and have a great body. I have a very high sex drive. Im also very generous in the bedroom and makes sure she gets off every time. Once we got married, all of a sudden my wife discovers her sex drive isn’t as high. I’m horny literally all the time. I’m staring at girls at the gym. I’m watching a ton of porn. I’m getting random erections in public. Once or twice a week isn’t enough for me. I don’t want to cheat, but I know I’m heading down that path. What do I do? The conversation of sex always leads to a fight.
2 4

Superb Opinion

  • Here's a sad fact: Often, people are very excited to be together but when the ring gets on the finger, things change. It's time to be serious. We can't fuck like rabbits anymore... There are people who feel this way.

    You need to find out if your wife is in this camp;. NO COUPLE HAS THE SAME SEX DRIVE. Someone is always on the higher libido end.

    You can masturbate more. But don't do it to porn, which offers completely unrealistic expectations for sex in a real relationship. These people are actors and they're acting out a SCRIPT written to GET you horny and to want to see more of the same to make the director and actors MONEY.

    So stop feeding THOSE people and THAT FANTASY. Remember, you can't always get waht you WANT, but if you try, you can get what you NEED...

    You have to discuss compromise that will satisfy you and works out for her. This is reasonable. If you need to, GO TO A THERAPIST to have someone objective to referee for you. Air out the problem.

    Is everything ELSE in your relationship good? If sex is the ONLY issue, fine.

    Here's the caveat: If your wife says she will not budge on this issue, you will have to move on. This is very sad, but true. Better to leave now than to cheat, because that will end your marriage just as surely. Good luck.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Unfortunately this is all too common (for both men and women) when they remove sex from compatibility when dating... theyre gambling on intimacy for the remainder of the relationship. "sex isn't important blah blah blah, i just want your cute personality..." ... nope that doesn't cut it, both are large factors of a healthy lasting relationship. Being on the same page is a MUST.

    You can like someone and be sexually incompatible and unfortunately its near impossible to fix. The only time i did not want a guy to touch me was when i was not aroused by him or we liked completely opposite things in the bedroom. Such as some people treat s*x like a gym marathon while others like things slow and gentle. Or people that like random bold quickies versus those who like to slowly build up temptation. Even bedroom roles where one person likes to be dominated in bed, what happenss if you both like to be dominated and neither likes to take charge?

    Every person on earth has different bedroom interests. And those who place s*x as not important when getting to know each other, fail to see this until theyre stuck in a stale non-intimate union. Its not always hormones that cause this. Even so, forcing or shaming someone into staying in a relationship without physical intimacy is selfish. And yes id breakup if it was a regular occurrence to go mmmonths without sex with 0 medical excuses or appointments. I can handle temporary blips but habitual is grounds for breakup.

    • Do you think twice a week is an average amount? Am I being ridiculous by wanting in everyday?

    • Its her average but its not yours. There are happy long term couples who have sex daily. It doesn't die out for everyone. you're not being ridiculous but at the same time you can't shame or force her into having sex with you. You can either masturbate to her liking or determime that its grounds to end the relationship and find someone who's on your level sexually. Its not impossible because a lot if women complain about the same thing. Men not wanting sex as much as they do etc. I broke up with an ex for this. Just incompatible.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Crap, man. I hate to hear that, unfortunately, I've gone through that with more than one wife.

    Let me tell you what the answer is: First off, STAY CALM. Don't off on her. You will need lots of calm accusing or aggravating talks before you can understand each other.

    I seriously want to lead you to a marriage counselor. It will cost $$, but your marriage will benefit—I'm speaking from knowledge here. If this relationship should blow up, your next marriage would need even MORE counseling because you will have taken up too many suspicions and unhealthy attitudes toward the next one, too.

    Seriously, take my words as gospel.

  • I completely understand your position because I was in it with my ex not too long ago. My suggestion is to communicate with her in a very patient way, because she will not like what she hears most likely. Sexual compatibility is an important aspect of any healthy relationship and if your partner's sex drive doesn't match yours and she denies sex all the time and doesn't want to fulfill desires or kinks that you have, then it's not the right relationship for you. Sadly a lot of people get married without understanding that and end up regretting it.

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What Girls & Guys Said

7 25

  • It can work, but relies on talking and compromise. Me and my b/f have exactly the same issue, but have lived together very happily for 3 years. His sex drive is WAY higher than mine. But maybe the difference is, we both knew this before we moved in together and got serious. He knew he probably wasn't going to get as much sex has he would like, and I knew I'd have to do my bit to keep him satisfied as much as I could. I'm in the mood for sex around 4 or 5 times a week, so we both really enjoy that. We agreed that at other times when he needed it and I wasn't in the mood for sex, I would give him a hand job (usually another 4 or 5 times a week). It's easy, it takes a few minutes, I don't really have to be "into it", and it just really sorts him out. Plus, it's only fair as I my usual dress-style involves a lot of short skirts and dresses, and I'm not going to be a bitch and sit or wander around the flat with my thighs on full show and leave the poor guy staring at me with a massive hard on. If I'm really not in the mood for anything, he'll wank himself off (this happens maybe once every couple of months), and we agreed he can do this in the same room as me if he wants so he can look at me while doing it. Also, if I'm working away (which I do for a few days every few months), I'm quite happy for him to find some porn he likes and knock himself out to that. But the key is, we discussed all this quite early on in the relationship, and made sure we were on the same page as it all. Talking and compromise is everything in this situation.

  • I’m noting your age, still in your 20s. I’m sad to hear that this is happened with your wife already. I had libido issues about a year and a half ago, and my husband was certainly a bit neglected in the bedroom. You sound like a younger version of him. Things are much better now after some outside help as well as us communicating our needs a little bit better.
    I would urge you to bring the subject up with her in a kind and mature way before divorce or cheating.

    • Perhaps explore some external factors that might be affecting her as well. That was part of my problem. It wasn’t him, we all are bombarded by external events and forces all the time!

    • Thanks for the like @prettypriya Hope you are well!

    • @emiliamazing Of course! Yes, all is well thanks. 🙂

    • Show All

  • I dated someone with a different sex drive.
    mine was super high comparatively. We started fighting constantly because of sex.
    i never cheated ( lots of masturbation) but we broke it off because it was crazy to fight all the time about sex , it made us unhappy.
    see if u can work it out. Maybe she should ask a doctor if her sex drive suddenly changed

  • First, most couples have sex drives that don't exactly match, and they compromise and accommodate each other. If she is willing, you and she should speak to your family doctor about this because this could be a hormonal problem, or some other problem which is susceptible to medical treatment. Instead of wasting your time and energy fighting about it, work on it constructively together.

  • Ask her this,

    If you want to go out to eat or see a movie and I don't.. would you go with your friends instead? If she says yes, . Well I don't want the same thing to happen with our sex lives!

  • Not much u can do at the end of the day if u have spoken abkht it and still noting may e start to consider if this ie the relationship for you

    • Marriage I mean as cheating essentuly gets you the same thing so might aswrll end it

  • No children? You cut your losses, end it, and move on.

  • Get a side chick

    • We all know you're a horny dude pretending to be a female. Every answer you give on here is stupid af and motivated by horniness.

    • You wish

    • You wish what? That literally makes 0 sense to what I just said 😂😂 imagine being that stupid.

  • first, low sex drive doesn't mean 'not interested." it often means, not spontaneous. Ask your wife if the two of you could schedule sex three a week at a certain time of day. Ask her if she would give your "quickies." She can get mentally prepared for it. Second, if she isn't helping, explain to her that she has a responsibility to provide sex in a marriage as you have the same responsibility to her. If that doesn't help, just cheat. It can be fun. it will give you more choices. If you can arrange, fly to Germany three or four times a year for one week. Lots of inexpensive brothel with great women to fuck for low prices.

  • Therapy therapy therapy. Please don’t cheat. Go to therapy and work through it

  • You need to have a conversation with your wife that doesn't lead to a fight. Tell her honestly how you feel and ask her what would be acceptable to her. Don't attack her or tell her that she's inadequate. Don't suggest anything or lead her, let her come up with suggestions. You might be surprised.

  • People who are active, and workout tend to have a high sex driver.
    You could ask her to start going to the gym with you. 🤪

  • Maybe you see a therapist. That could help. Have you tried talking peacefully to her about these urges?

    • We’ve had 100s of conversations about it. Some peaceful and others not so much. At the end of the day I can’t force someone to want to have sex with me. Sex isn’t enjoyable if she doesn’t want it.

    • We’ve also tried therapy

    • Then i don't see any solution to it. Non-monogamous relationship would only be a solution to your urges if you both agree to it. Also you can control your urges for the sake of your relationship

  • Just divorce her. It isn't going to get better and you cheating is the worst possible thing you could do. I can PROMISE you this, she'd rather you just divorce her than cheat on her.

  • Mastubate a lot, don’t cheat on her

  • Tell her "I'm not happy, this is why & if it doesn't change I'm leaving you & finding someone else". I'm sorry you had to find out afterwards:(

  • Cheat on her It’s fine it’s your body your choice. Just don’t get caught
    Book a Hotel with cash 💵 don’t do it with Card as for any text messages delete your text messages right after each conversation with the girl your hooking up with.
    Whatever you do don’t get caught Fucking another Girl.
    Females tend to trip over that shit.

  • If you are even considering cheating you shouldn't be in a relationship. There is no excuse for cheating. Just lies you tell yourself to justify behavior you know is wrong. Talk to your wife and let her know your needs aren't being met. It will take compromise on both ends.

  • U and i bud. Not so different. Look Into ur state laws on post prenuptial. Present it without words. If she questions it. Just say , "it's that we seem to be fading apart." It work for me. For a while.

    Then the second stage came. I didn't waste a cent on her. never mind I can't say the rest here. females are watching and I will ruin it.

  • it's called marriage. it sucks.
    those of us who have been duped into/by this "institution" cannot be easily counted.
    consider yourself lucky if there are no kids involved.
    if it's bad enough, discuss it with her. if it doesn't improve, file for divorce.
    hint: it does NOT get better with age.

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