SENSITIVE TOPIC: Would you be able to have sex like normal if your partner had been raped?

[just_a_potato]

Your partner is recovering from recent sexual violence, you hadn't had sex since before the assault. How would you get back into your sex lives? Would it ever be the same for you? And in all honesty, would you fear bringing up sex?

[kkirk4442]

It would all depend on what she needs. Some women would need to take it real slow, and be given a lot of time. Other women might want to fuck right away, to get beyond the rape, to some degree. The real issue, is to let her lead, be considerate of her needs, emotions and fears, but not to treat her like a China doll. Treat her like a warm caring, person that you love, and that you want to do the best for her that you can, without adding to her anxiety or concerns. I would not fear bringing up sex, but would bring it up in a context that connected it to considering her needs and timing. And yes, things can get back to normal, in her time, and in the way that she needs to get there.

[Leavesbound]

First, I once dated someone who had been raped prior to my meeting her. She told me that she needed to be in charge in bed and why. I agreed to any condition she could think of to make it more comfortable for her and told her if she preferred to abstain I would not be offended nor consider it grounds for rejecting her. It took a few attempts at intimacy on her part before she would stop freaking out about her past ordeal. It took a lot of patience and going along with what she needed but in the end it was wonderful. For me the key was patience and gentleness. I think she meant it as a compliment when she told me I made love like a lesbian.

[DizzyDesii]

I've been taken advantage of but I wouldn't call it rape. It was traumatizing but not to the point where i can't function properly if i had sex with a different person. A lot of rape victims can't function properly during sex with someone else and it often triggers their trauma again. So no i couldnt date someone who was raped UNLESS theyve learned to not let it control their life

[Agape93]

Talk to them and see their boundaries. Take my time and see what upsets them and to what degree. Either stop doing those things or help them slowly and gently push those boundaries until they no longer want me to.


Of course I could, do and will

[OlderAndWiser]

Since I am a heterosexual male, it would be my partner's right to decide how we proceeded. One of the facets of rape is that all control is exercised by the rapist and I think that one of the keys to recovery would be for a girl to regain a sense of control over her life. That in inconsistent with me telling her when and how we are going to have sex. So, the best I can do is to be a supportive partner and wait for her to be ready. . . with my assistance whenever she wants it.

[ohshee]

I would do whatever it takes to make her feel comfortable and to bring her back to her old self it's not about me it's about her and I would do whatever it took

[summiter]

It has never happened to me with any previous girlfriends. I would be caring and take things slow

[Jjpayne]

It's all about her. I'd miss her intimacy but it should look like this until she is ready

[exitseven]

I would go with her timetable and take as long as it takes. I would try to be supportive and understanding.

[just_a_potato]

Pretty compassionate of a highway exit

[exitseven]

You are pretty funny for a potato.

[just_a_potato]

I try 😉

[exitseven]

😉😉😉👍👍👍✔✔✔ You sort of made me laugh a little bit. Thanks for that.

[Ripper_E]

It's hard to know what I would do in that situation. First and foremost, I have to look out for myself, as every person should. But if she is a woman I love and want to be with, I would like to think I would be patient for her to open up to that. However long it takes. In the mean time, no sex. As hard as it may be.

[cth96190]

Love her, hold her and wait for her to tell me that she wanted me inside her.
Presenting her with the rapist’s testicles in a jar and a video of him being eaten alive by ants might cause her to feel better.

[genericname85]

i don't know. that does not really depend on me, does it? that depends on what implications that this traumatic event had on the person i am sexual with. not so much on me.

[FýrdracaDócincel]

That depends on her.

[Jamie05rhs]

Of course it wouldn't be normal. This would be something you both would have to talk about. A lot. And deeply and intensively. Preferably with a therapist.

[Wise4myage]

No way, but I would support her till she felt ready.

[yuviii2012]

Not at all... my partner was raped multiple times by her cousin in past and result was a PSTD and a lot of depression... She was too very fond of sex but couldn't ever keep it up due to that trauma... so when we used be in middle of it sometimes it happened like all things got black for her or she got panic attacks... or hitting me in the middle... after completing unusual guilt and urge to suicide as if she did crime.. so yes it happens to be tough not less than handling a depression patient

[just_a_potato]

That's awful..

[yuviii2012]

But true too

[COMMODOREII]

Probably not. It would have to require lots of patience.

[ConstantPain]

No I wouldn't be ok with having sex with her ever! so we would stick to non sexual romantic relationship.

[Twalli]

It would change, but I don't know how

[TallAnon]

I would start slow and ask whether she is comfortable more often

[7771999]

I'd be worried for her. Triggering her memories would make me feel awful

[JamieLoves]

I would , but she can’t...

[In_Trance]

probably not

[BUNroaster]

Depends how they felt. This effected my approach with someone I really liked we were in bed. But I knew she'd been raped. Also knew she was very much into sex bdsm and shit too but I couldn't like get my mind around how to approach it. We'd talked before and I knew she'd want to but it was just weird for me. So I see how the dynamic might change for sure but depends on the people.