Sexual history... how many is too many?

Question

In today's world there are people with huge variety in their sexual history. Some being virgins after 25 or more years. Others having sex from ages 15 even.

So my question to you is. If you were to date someone or to make it more generic. If you were just to meet someone. How many sexual partners is too many before you would start to judge them or maybe see them as some kind of sexual deviant.

I have sex a lot. I've had it with a lot of different woman and a few men. Personally I rarely judge. Now doesn't make me some angel. Nothing wrong if someone who has sex with over 100 people makes you feel awkward. If you haven't. Of course it would seem a lot to you.

If someone has never had sex would you judge them... Would you judge them if they in their 40s and have never had sex? 

If someone's only 18 and has had sex with over 30 people would you judge them. If they over 40 and have had sex with over 200 people would you judge them then?

At which point would it bother you or rarely make you see them differently. Or if it would never ever bother you. Explain why either way.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

At my age, meeting a virgin means I took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up at the convent. :)

For people who are sexually insecure, a larger number means that there are more people to whom they will be compared, and that makes the sexually insecure feel uncomfortable. They are afraid they will lose in the comparison.

People who are secure don't worry about the comparison. For them, the relevance of the number is not the size of the number itself (after all, what is a "large" number depends on the age we are talking about.) The relevance is in what it says about the potential partner's attitude about sex.

If you are just interested in casual sex and want to have fun tonight, the number is not too relevant unless you are getting into numbers that strongly suggest that this person might have a STD.

If you are interested in a long term relationship, sex is a way of becoming closer and expressing affection for your partner. Having sex with a woman and then having her say, "Well, that was fun, see you around," would be disheartening to me. So, if her number suggests that she is just a casual sex woman, I would probably keep looking (unless I was just feeling like I needed to have sex and she was an attractive partner, but at least I would know what I was - and was not - getting in to.)

If her attitude is, "We can have sex when we get to know each other better and have some trust established," then I am ready to spend some time getting to know her.

Is Your Partner’s “Number” Relevant? ↗

nightdrot · Accepted Answer

Honestly, I would never judge - though I topped out at 11, including a couple of one night stands, before I met my girlfriend and lived happily ever after.

That said, when you got to 100 I have to say, that would give me a thought or two. I still would not judge, but I would A) admire the stamina it must have take, and B) wonder how you managed MEETING that many people in a way that you could end up having sex with them.

It would not stop me from having sex with her - though I might be more inclined to use a condom (so maybe that IS a judgment of a sort) - but I have to say I would take note.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I've slept with 4 guys. The first, I was 22 and stupidly thought I needed to just lose my virginity, so I hooked up with a random guy. The second one, it started out as a sexual relationship, but I found out he was seeing other girls, so ended that. My third, it was my long term relationship with a guy I loved. We were together for 5 years. After our breakup, I had a friend with benefits with a guy because I was hurt and angry about my breakup, but felt ashamed after.

Now. I am waiting to fall in love again before having sex again. Hookups brought me nothing but shame, but I don't judge people who have them. As long as the guy truly wants a monogamous relationship, than his sexual past is irrelevant.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Every person has some sort of inbuilt moral code. They may not realise it until faced with the "How Many", but they do.

Sex, when young, is fun. Sex with different guys is fun. Go too high for that moral code, in the guy you want to settle down with, and he may not want you. It is the risk YOU have to take. Too high, and you cannot undo it!

Do not want to tell your SO how high it is? Are you really going to embark on a lifelong partnership with secrets?

All applies the other way round, too. Loads of girls have an in-built limit!

BlueCoyote · Answer

I'm generally not a judgmental person and that's particularly true when it comes to sex. For example I've always hated slut-shaming because I genuinely can't see the problem with being promiscuous. I mean, sex is fun and as long as you stay healthy, you can't really have too much of it. I certainly don't think "easiness" is a bad trait.
However, I probably wouldn't date a person with a long sexual history. The reason for this isn't any kind of prejudice but rather my desire for mutual compatibility. Basically, I'm almost 30 and I've only ever had sex with one girl. From this, you can probably tell what type of person I am. For one, I'm REALLY big on serious relationships. Even when I was a teenager, I was looking for something long-term. I never took much interest in 2-month relationships. Hence, a promiscuous girl would probably not really fit to me. And I'm not even talking about sex here - cuz we could just have an open (or-half-open) relationship. I'm talking about a person's "relationship ability". This is a German word that doesn't really sound good when translated to English. Basically, it means how capable you are to form lasting, romantic relationships. This includes many factors, such as: are you enduring or do you break up at the slightest bump in your relationship? This is something unrelated to sex... it's usually impacted by how you were raised and how loving/trustful/caring the environment was in which you grew up. However, sexual habits can be a good indicator of how you tick in this regard. For example I'm extremely loyal and when I am in love, I'm in it with every fiber of my being. And I want my partner to be the same.

In the case of virgins, I would say it depends. If the person had some kind of disadvantage that would obviously hinder them in finding sex partners, I would fully understand. For example I was born almost completely blind. With this kind of physical disability, finding girls for sex has always been incredibly difficult for me. I've suffered a great deal from this. So, my low number isn't entirely voluntary. In fact, I've always dreamt of making more experiences but nobody ever gave me a chance. And I'm sure there are other people like me out there.
On the other hand, there's probably also some people who remain virgins because they're simply very awkward or weird in some way. There, I might judge them a bit.

Lily_Pi · Answer

I'd like someone with a similar count as me, which is pretty low (2 to be exact). It doesn't have to be that low but I'd want to know that they are more about commitment than spreading the love so to speak. I don't judge others for what they choose to do with their bodies and their lives, I think everyone should have the right to live how they like as long as they aren't hurting anyone else (who doesn't want to be hurt S&M style ;). But I a serious committed type and I'd like my partner to be the same.

ItsKayDuh · Answer

In total , I have only slept with 8 men in a course of 9 years. 3 of those men, I stayed and slept with for quite some time and the other 5 were just sex. I regret the other 5 but not the 3 I absolutey loved. So of 37% of that time I could say I really did love them and the other 63% were seriously just sex, or one night stands. Though it's a quite high percentage for those I didn't love, you would expect that, sleeping with over 50 men? I think it just tells me, you have no respect or love for your own body, it's just not right to me, but like sleeping with 25, is like the average of how many sex partners you would have through out life.

djmzes · Answer

Look
Judging someone is subconscious, which means you have no control. of it happening.

And also it is. not judging but comparing those.

Do. not underestimate the power of subconscious mind.

It is way beyond ur capacity

AustinMan · Answer

I voted A but my actual opinion is that when it comes to sexual history, don't ask, don't tell.

WritingHeart01 · Answer

I don't really care how many sexual relationships my partners have had. No matter the number, I'm getting their updated medical history and blood work. It only takes one person anyway to cause a lifetime of consequence, s so it's good to be sure to check on each others health. And of course I'm giving them mine as well to be fair. But it's better to be safe than sorry in the world today, some diseases won't even show symptoms right away.. and I'm not some germaphobe or anything lol just cautionary.

DigitalArchon · Answer

Me and my Wife first met when we were 14, had sex with eachother. split up (I Moved away) and then by the time we were 19. we got back together.

She has had sex with 3 people and myself (4 Total)
I have only ever been with her.

Honestly I think the Minimum age should be 13, anything younger is way to much. and anything over 10 in my opinion is a bit much, but if I am remembering correctly the average number of sexual partners for women is 4, and 7 for men. so I think 10 or less isn't that bad.

lostgirl_searching · Answer

I don't really judge anyone when it comes to how many people they had sex with in the past, as long they were safe, other than that it's not really my business to know.

Vyxzuw · Answer

Your number shows your views on sex. Which if they don't match your views, do matter. At least from a compatility standpoint.

Sorathevilone · Answer

Sex is sacred and i for one am a virgin at 25. I feel as if today's world strip the connection with sex and god (a practice meditative masturbation) for my own reason's i will lose it when a ready and i will sleep with how many lovers i want. If that makes me a bad person the so be it, it is at the end off the i wish only to impress my gods and no man nor woman will ever be able to tell me otherwise sex is good, sex is great, sex is holy and the purest form off magic only because it is done in love.

Bxtchcraft · Answer

I'm a virgin, and I personally hope for my future partner to be the same.  If they weren't a virgin, I wouldn't want to be with them had they slept with over 3 people. That's just the way I am.

I_Do_Mind · Answer

Most of those who hold this kind of history usually have a history. Something could have happened in their past, they could have seen something at a young age, they could have been raised in an abusive home, they could have been taught about sex from acquaintances rather than family or close to not raised at all, could have been in the system and was passed from home to home, could have had parents that put drugs above the surveillance, safety and protection of their children, boyfriends/girlfriends, boyfriends/girlfriends to fit in, people you thought were friends, manipulative people who fake like they are your friends, want to be part of the crowd, did not have anybody so they were your everything, they could have not known (12, 13 year olds, younger much younger) what they were engaged in, guardian could have subject them to prostitution, trafficking, someone they trusted took advantage of their trust, no consent but they weren't strong enough to fight away the individual. All these things can change a person and can result in this. They need people's compassion and understanding not judgement. No one is better than no one.

DizzyDesii · Answer

Call me shallow but over 3-5 is too much for me. Im not expecting them to be virgins but it would be nice to be eachothers 2nd and last

Qwertsy · Answer

I have never judged anybody based on how many people they’ve slept with. I hang out with virgins, and a few people who have slept with over 50. It doesn’t change my view on what kind of person they are.

It might change if it I would date them. I’ve never asked a number before sleeping with someone, but if I was interested in choosing a partner with a certain number, I guess I’d want a number closer to mine. Not too far under or over.

Shiraa · Answer

I would go "wow you serious?" at 25+, but I wouldn't mind it a whole lot. I know guys who go out, find a nice girl, go home with her do her and then go out again the next day. That way it's pretty easy to get a high number, and being a student it's not that atypical. But I don't think there would be a number that will turn me off. As long as they don't sleep around when they're in a relationship with me

brocklee · Answer

It varies. But I kind of figure that a normal woman will realistically have a number that averages about 2 per year of being sexually active. So a woman that starts having sex at 15, if she is 25, 10 years x 2 equals 20 partners. Yes, she will have years of being with one guy, but also those exploratory periods where the numbers get beefed up.

Excessive to me would be someone that averages more than 5 a year.

Death-of-rats · Answer

my only concern is if she has any diseases. we all have a past but if she's riddled with std's then that shit doesn't fly with me.

I dont want to blow my own horn (actually, i would if i could :p ) but I've had a lot of sexual partners, however I've always worn protection, unless its been with a long term partner and we have both been tested that is.

long story short. I dont care how many men she's been with so long as she doesn't have warts, or any other type of std.

VonDamme · Answer

I just don't care man... Sex isn't the absolute most important thing. As long as you're clean and you don't have any kids then we're fine. Some people just like sex and they decided to be single and have a lot of sex. Whatever. Are you honest? Were you careful? That's what's important.

DonRomeo · Answer

I've decided to be vague if girls ask. Just 'yeah I've been with many people' or even better 'I enjoy getting to know women who I feel comfortable with'. As for women - no preference.

hemadesouza · Answer

It's a beautiful world and a beautiful life out there, Why would anyone even wanna keep count of something that's a bliss? ;) Keep doing and keep rocking. Its all about being loyal and sticking to the relationship guidelines post marriage/serious relationship that matters.

Sexual history... how many is too many?

Most Helpful Guys

Most Helpful Girls

Related Questions

What Girls & Guys Said

Latest Questions