Why do guys who lost their virginity at a young age, perhaps 13/14/15/yo boy to an older woman/girl insist that they were not sexually assaulted?

I have encountered a vast majority of guys who brag about loosing their virginity during their early teens sometimes even sooner to older girls or women.

Is it because they truly wanted to have sex or is it that most guys don't know that rape has to be aggressive, it could be guilt tripping or making someone do something that they might second guess doing if they were a lot more educated about it.

Is it because now that they're older and realised what happened they try to down play it as a minor thing because they fear facing it as it is. Is it because they think admitting to getting raped by a woman or girl makes them look "weak", which is not true by the way.

Updates:
9 mo
Paragraph 2, line 3 *has* - doesn't have
9 mo
Or maybe they don't think that anyone will believe them and see it as sexual assault 🤔
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Most Helpful Guys

  • First time I did a girl, she was a 16 and I was 14, I was sorta seeing her for 3 months prior where I would do oral sex on her, sometimes play with her boobs, kissed and we sorta agreed it won't go all the way. It was an everyday event that I would perform oral on her and she 2 months on she would perform oral on me as well.

    It wasn't any special day, I had removed my clothes and her clothes, first to cuddle while playing with her boobs, kissed and had a long make out, then I performed oral on her and she had 2 strong orgasms and I laid on her. I moved my penis to touch her vulva and she said no, we kissed a bit more and she kept moving her hips so her vulva would tease my penis, I tried it again and it was a good aim but she moved her hips to dislodge while shaking her head, then she kept teasing, used her feet to lock my feet to move me closer to her and then it happened, placed my elbows down, knees by her knees, kissed her and moved my penis to be by her vulva and I simply counted in my head till 10 and stopped the kiss, then immediately pushed my penis into her vagina and it was that moment on neither of us were a virgin. Yes it did hurt her and yes I enjoyed it. Rape? Maybe I raped her but we both put it that it just went too far. Regret? Neither of us regretted it.

    After her, I had several other older women before turning 18, 5 of them to be exact, all 5 of them were mom's of friends from school or from church.

    Rape? Nah. I wanted it.

  • There are several reasons- you've listed some of them- but the biggest part of it is that they WOULD have consented, had they been able to. Not everyone who's a sexual assault victim is horribly traumatized by it, and frankly, there's a point beyond which it's kind of immoral to insist that they should've been. What happened between them and their assailant isn't ABOUT you or me; it's about each of them. This is a hard thing to accept, but it's true. Now, sometimes of course they ARE traumatized, and that they wouldn't be taken seriously IS a serious problem, but the harm is in the trauma and its infliction, not in the sex itself (not that there's a clear border).

    Of course, the same is true with female victims; teenage girls get horny, too. But our society- our species, actually- empathizes with women, not men, and respects men, not women. This specific situation is a two-sided double whammy: a male victim has not only succeeded in "getting" sex, and getting it without the resources a full adult would have, but the female perpetrator is a woman, and thus not respected as a threat. Meanwhile, the girl is seen as even more incapable than a woman (barely capable of even KNOWING what she wants), and the male perpetrator is INHERENTLY taking advantage of that.

Most Helpful Girls

  • It’s only rape if he’s coerced or pressured into doing it, but you could make a good argument that the power dynamic arising from their age difference makes it inherently coercive. And a lawyer once explained it to me that child support is for the best interests of the child, so a court’s not gonna take into consideration stuff like was he pressured into it. Though in my opinion a 13 yr olds not gonna have much money to pay child support, so probably the court will let him wait till he graduates and gets a job before he has to start doing that.

    • You understand the solemnity of the situation.

    • Actually I just remembered. Legally it is statutory rape cause the guy is a minor and she’ll get prosecuted for that. It’s just not rape rape unless he was coerced or pressured.

  • I lost my virginity to an older man, and I enjoyed it. So I didn't consider it rape.

    It's probably the same reason most men don't consider it rape, they liked it.

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What Girls & Guys Said

5 18
  • Yea their ego is overlooking the bigger picture. Because her ass was def a predator/pedo

    • Especially teachers grooming their students

    • Yup, They don't allow themselves to recognise the situation and heal from it.

    • One of my exes was molested by his babysitter aka his moms best friend. He wanted to tell at first and she told him she’d claim he raped her despite him being like 11 and her being in her 30s or 40s. So they kept doing it until he finally liked it. And now he's just as rapey as her. He blames it on his experience but theyre both just fcked up

    • Show All
  • “is it that most guys don't know that rape has to be aggressive”

    Rape has to be aggressive to be rape?

    • Check the update and get back to me

    • This is tough. Remove the predatory age element and what remains is how the young men was left feeling. Did he feel taken advantage of? That is what he has to live with.

    • So is it a question of, If he doesn't fully understand the gravity of the situation then the truth doesn't exist?🤔

    • Show All
  • Double standard: rape, female on male trope.

  • I've wondered this as well

  • Recognising that you were manipulated is not easy, especially when sex is seen as a big step from boyhood to manhood. Being desired by an older woman when you are young is a plus, but these guys might take some time before they realise what happened. It could also show in how they proceed with relationships and sex.

  • It's what they wanted.

  • I first had sex at 14 with a 16yr old girl. Later at 16 with a 37yr old women. It was all good, consensual and I never felt violated. I would do it again if I could. I think there's to much BS around this these days that makes people feel guilty about what is essentially nature at work. If force or violence was involved then sure it's different.

  • Bc guys don't buy into the fable of virginity as a treasured value.

    • The point isn't necessarily about the guys virgity but rather that the power dynamic between the two due to the age difference makes the sexual exchange inherently coercive. The question is why do boys not think that it's rape when a fully grown woman has sex with them. Or is it an ego thing where guys think that it's impossible to be groomed by a female, that females simply don't have the power or that no one would take him seriously if he were to paint here as the predator she is.

    • Paragraph 1 *makes* making

    • *virgity* virginity

  • The assumption is that guys can't get raped. In other words, they got what they wanted and didn't feel pressured.

  • I did at 15 my body was ready but mentally wasn't emotional mature enough

  • I didn't give mine to a woman until i was in my 20s and I do not regret it

  • because they enjoyed it and think that rape is something that shouldn't be enjoyable

  • Being one of those. It's the fantasy of every young man. Problem is boys brag and word gets out and that's how older women get caught.

  • I think there are many factors, including male pride, desire on the part of both persons, consent (or lack thereof as, legally, a child is unable to give consent to a sexual act), and the influence of any older person, being the seducer (or predator)

  • i had sex at 13 but we were the same age 🤷‍♂️ just two horny kids having fun.

  • Their wished were granted, they do not feel like victims

  • I'm 27 yr still vrigin

  • This is one of those teachers. It is probably a memory her victims will cherish forever.
    This is one of those teachers. It is probably a memory her victims will cherish forever.

    I’ve seen women feel victimized because they feel guilty after the fact. In college, women who would flatten a Penn State linebacker if he got between her and a keg would say “they got me drunk.”
    Rob Lowe, at the age of 24, video taped himself having sex with a sixteen-year-old. She was aware of the video camera. He met her in a bar that had a uniformed, off-duty cop checking IDs. Was that girl victimized?

  • I only did boys those ages when I was that age.

  • Because I accepted an invitation.

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