Why do men want to have sex first and then decide if they want to be in a relationship?

Are all men like this? They want to have sex first and then "see where things will go" or "decide if the woman/girl is good enough for a relationship"? Is it like strategic thing or they just use that as an excuse to have sex and avoid the "what are we?" question?

Ps. It happened to me long ago that guy never got the opportunity to have actual sex with me. And he ended up having a child from another woman and still wanting sex with me in the meantime.

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Superb Opinion
  • I’m the opposite. I want emotional connection and a real relationship before I want to have sex. I become possessive with who I have sex with, so I don’t participate in it unless I know they are exclusively mine.


    So no, it’s not all men.


    But, if a girl is casually hooking up with guys, men tend to want to experience that with her too, before taking things further.


    Now, if a girl is not casually hooking up with guys, then the guy won’t have a reason to feel jealous or insecure for not receiving that treatment themselves, because that girl is not giving anyone casual sex.


    Guys don’t want to be treated as inferior to other guys — which may happen if a girl is having casual sex with other men but not them.


    I’ve heard that from guys.


    It’s going to be difficult to find a guy who doesn’t just want casual sex, if you’re having casual sex yourself.


    But, if you hold yourself to a standard where you don’t put out for anyone unless they’re in an exclusive and committed relationship with you first, you can hold men to that standard, since you’ll be practicing what you preach and they’ll have no room to argue.

Most Helpful Guy

  • As @MrOracle noted, your complaint does not apply to all men, and you shouldn't generalize. Yes, there are SOME guys who are players, who will say whatever they think you want to hear, just for the opportunity to have sex with you, and then you'll probably never hear from them again. Those guys are a minority.

    For the rest - the majority - of men, we generally want sex sooner than women want sex. Women mistakenly believe that means we ONLY want sex but that is not true.

    For most women, they want to wait until they know a guy, feel they can trust him, and be confident that the guy isn't simply using them. And some women feel insecure about their body and they are afraid that a guy will laugh or even reject them when he sees her naked. So, they don't want to have sex until they feel close to a guy.

    I understand all of those concerns, BUT. . . most guys don't have those same concerns. For us, aside from the obvious physical pleasure, sex is a way of becoming closer to a woman, showing her that we value her and that she can trust us. And even without an orgasm, the physical closeness feels good to us. So we want sex sooner, but that doesn't mean that we don't want a relationship.

Most Helpful Girls

  • 1. Not all men are like that. My ex wasn't. He never pressured me to get into his bed at any time during the relationship so that's one thing was good about him. If anything, I made a lot of the bold moves on him!

    2. Some men, stupidly want to see if you guys are "sexually compatible". I used to think this was when I was young and more fertile. But then I graduated and realized that relationships is more that that! You will be SEXUALLY COMPATIBLE if you love one another and probably are the same age. Hormones fluctuate a lot when you go thorugh life. When you have a lot of sex hormones, you tend to want it more, as compared to when you're older. It's just as simple as that. But also, yeah, hormones, pregnancy status, health, age, stress levels, job duties, parenting duties, etc. ALL affect that.

  • A lot of men seem to be like this in this day and age. Modern day dating isn’t great. Like other comments said, not ALL guys are like this — but it seems like they’re unicorns these days haha.

    I mainly attribute this to the Western society’s modern day dating, people mainly relying on dating apps to meet people. Theses usually one expectation when it comes to dating apps — or at least they have a bad rep for it, and in my experience, guys have only wanted one thing. I read an article about how online dating encourages a vicious cycle of constantly getting back to the apps to see who’s next, if there’s better, etc.

    People aren’t meeting each other out in the world and getting to know each other anymore. I feel like this is the main issue with todays dating world and most men jumping right into bed.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • You meant to say SOME men. Because it's not ALL men.

    Essentially, this guy's priority was sex, not relationships. And, yeah, there are plenty of guys like that - usually they're guys who are handsome and successful and thus have tons of women who think they're attractive, which means they have LOTS of opportunities with women. The most desirable men are the ones least likely to be interested in a relationship. Women HATE hearing that, but it's the truth.

    You did the smart thing by not giving it to him - most women will sleep with the guy and then are surprised when she never gets the relationship she was hoping for, and yet they do this again and again.

  • Yea its some backwards ass thinking that some men and women have. They’re all about the test drive. Im fine with relationship first and then teaching/learning to like it

  • Because sex is extremely important to most men. We are HARD WIRED for it. SO if the sex is bad, things are going to be miserable. Most men are NATURALLY built for sex. Try before you buy. Always. I never get into anything serious unless the sex is good and the woman is as sexual as I am.

  • Some, for sure, are just looking for easy sex, but not all of them.

  • Definitely not all men and there are woman like this too. I am mostly like this. Sex 1st then if its good sex, maybe look at a relationship. It's very shallow and I'm not proud of it. Iv rejected fit, nice guys because the sex was not good. I would not be with an asshole that was good in bed either.

  • Not all men wants to have sex first and then decide to be relationship or not. Just the fact is that nowadays girls/womens like toxic boys/mens. They don't like good, innocent, hardworking, struggling guys. They don't want to be in relationship with genuine person. They like fake sugar coated ones over straightforward ones. N these fake guys wants outer body over ur inner feelings.
    So such womens gets trap into same situation like boy/men ask for sex or have sex n then he decide whether to stay in relationship or not.
    Sorry if any women got offended by reading this. My intension was not to hurt anyone. I just share my opinion

  • Don't put up with a man like that. There are good ones willing to date and have a relationship before having sex.

  • Some just want sex but some men actually want to know if you're sexually compatible.

  • i guess the first time at 18 he did other order, say relationship, did it, dump her, she angry, so now learned to switch order.

  • Not all men are like this.

    Sometimes men know they want a connection and relationship right away and sometimes they don't know it yet and need to be coaxed into accepting a relationship. And sometimes they just want to plow your pussy until you're leaking cum.

    All 3 are good for different times

  • male sexuality is not biologically monogamous like woman (one offspring a year from 1 male no matter how many she breeds with), it is polygynous, we want to spread our genes as much as possible while not wanting other guys to.

    we want the sex and can only decide after that if we want to keep the woman we had sex with enough to gave up on the rest, most guys do it out of not having much opportunity so they settle for the best they can find to secure it.

  • Men? When I was dating women were taking me to bed after three dates.

  • The people that do that are just using someone. They don't care about them or a relationship.

  • What’s wrong with having sex? Sex is enjoyable for women as well as men

  • Not all guys are like this, only the scumbags are. When they do this they don't actually into you, they are just trying to manipulate you into being used by them.

    • *aren't actually into you

  • If having sex is a condition for continuing a relationship, I don’t want that guy. If he needs a sex interview to determine if I’m worthy of his companionship, he’s not worthy of mine.

  • Not all men are like that, but you must remember that humans are meant to procreate... that's how Mother Nature built us.

    For men, the male body is built to have sex... lots of it. Males can ejaculate millions of sperm several times every day, throughout their entire lives (60 years or more), once they pass puberty. Each ejaculate is capable of getting a woman pregnant.

    Women, on the other hand, have one egg per month, fertile for only a few days each month, and only between puberty and menopause, only about 30 years.

    • I wish that meant that people actually had sex more for procreation rather than pleasure

  • I think it has already been said in other comments but I'll chime in, for me. The sexual chemistry is what makes a difference between the relationship and a friendship with a girl. I have great talks with girls that are friends. I laugh with girls that are friends, I bond with girls that are friends, the lovers come from the sex. The other part is that I am pretty damn kinky, I would hate for a girl to get really attached to me, and then we find out we are not sexually compatible. That's why I tried to figure out sexual compatibility sooner rather than later.

  • It's like buying a used car: you wanna try it before you buy it.

  • Sex is fun. It's enjoyable. Why would you not want to be having fun when it's possible

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