Why do some guys only want a hook up but not a relationship? Is it because of the girls?

This guy I used to work with said guys will only boo up 10/10 girls and the ones below average they will just use for sex

is this true?

so for example will a girl like this ever be used for sex or will she always be seen as girlfriend material due to her looks?
Will guys always view her as girlfriend material and not a booty call?
Will guys always view her as girlfriend material and not a booty call?
surely guys don’t just go off looks? Surely it’s 50/50.. But I could be wrong
5 7

Superb Opinion

  • It's more complicated than that. But I will give you some generalizations.

    Some guys inherently value and want relationships - upbringing, taught values, and the relationships they see growing up plays a big role - and some guys just want the sex, and perhaps the status - without the hassle, limitations, and responsibilities of a relationship. Generally, the lower the moral expectations they learned growing up, the less likely they are to want a relationship.

    But the traits that most women find the most attractive tend to be associated with men who are NOT very moral. If you look at the men that most women find really attractive, they are usually good-looking, successful, confident, outgoing, and many (if not most) are also very self-centered, aggressive, and sexually promiscuous. "Moral" is just not a word that you would use to describe most such men, so it's no surprise that such men tend not to act morally.

    The guys who have reasonably high morals are considered to be boring and unexciting by most women, and tend to get overlooked unless they are also good-looking or really successful, which is rare. Morals are somewhat limiting and predictable, and women, especially in the social media age, tend to view those things about as desirable as pedophila.

    Women have never been more hypergamous than the last 20 years, with most women competing for the top 10% of men (based on Instagram Value), and feeling like she is "settling" if she has to drop down into the next 10% down to find a boyfriend - but that means she is only considering the men who are overwhelmingly driven by their own selfish desires rather than by morality (with only rare exceptions).

    And while being ultra pretty might get a girl in a relationship with one of those really desirable guys that normally wouldn't date an 8/10 girl, it won't change the kind of guy he is, and that kind of guy will still cheat on her. Look at Brad Pitt or Tiger Woods - Brad cheated on Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie (and every other girl he dated), and Tiger was married to a Swedish model. Being ultra desirable women got them a top man, but not fidelity.

    If a woman wants fidelity, she's almost always going to have to avoid those top 20% men, and she's going to have to choose the man based on his morals and values above other factors. Even more, she's going to have to be attractive to such men, by which I mean her own morals will need to be high, and that such men tend to be "traditional" and thus want traditional women, and not so much "modern", career-driven women.

Most Helpful Guy

  • That's just a picture. That doll could be anything underneath. While hookups are not the answer, some men believe the false notion that they have some obligation to be always screwing something.

    And a relationship has never been a more dangerous proposition; because we live in a society where the antics of crazy chicks has never been more tolerated / celebrated by Karens and Kevins.

    The doll could be a healthy candidate for best wife ever; and be rational, affectionate, smart, feminine, modest, love God, etc. Or, she could be just a facade, hiding a batshit crazy witch beneath that veneer of cute and beauty.

    Not all men know how to instantly read all the cues, to know which one they've wound up with. Not everyone has a fully functional red flag sensor, that can detect every kind of red flag.

    But after you've witnessed a few too many red flags in a few too many women, you begin to question your own judgment with them in particular. And to the formation and maintenance of healthy relationships, that lack of confidence is nuclear waste! The man neither trusts women at that point, nor does he entirely trust himself. After all: why should he trust himself, if he keeps falling for batshit crazy witches?

    No relationship can ever mature in an environment where there is no faith. And faith is hard to keep alive, when the objects of faith are worthless.

Most Helpful Girls

  • This is a key feature of the Western culture. The goal is to find someone you can have the best sex with. I can understand why women who live in those countries undergo plastic surgeries at a higher rate. It is because what you can control like your behaviour, education etc is not important at all. This also leads to a rise in the number of gold diggers, "sugar babies" etc. in such countries as they need money for surgeries and non surgical cosmetic treatments. These women are not at fault because they know that ultimately it's only their looks that are valued.
    In my country a man would never marry a girl simply because she looks good. She has to be a good person, virgin, highly educated etc. All these things are taken into consideration. I think women are extremely objectified in the Western countries and men have to be super rich to be considered important.
    It is always a good idea in such countries to stay a virgin instead of being used even though you'd literally be swimming against the current of the society. Finding a man who is ready to get married without having sex should be the goal.
    A woman is worth more than what she looks like. Hookup culture of the West is a disease that is spreading to other countries but at a slow rate. It needs to be stopped.

    • I’m seeing more real relationships than hooks up. Look how many happy couples there are in public

    • Hookups are still more common in the West. Aren't they? I also thought men want perfect looking women for a short-term relationship as shown my many scientific studies and basic looking girls for a real relationship.

    • That one guy probably can't speak for all of them. I think it could also be the opposite.

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  • see, this is where you're wrong. your first half of the question was enough. you didn't have to put in accusing women for it
    women use men as hookups too. its not something sexist.
    maybe because they dont want to be in an actual relationship with that person but find them extremely attractive enough just for sex. maybe they're not looking for a relationship. there could be so many reasons.
    you sound like someone did that to you, or youve seen it happen and got upset. other than that i have no idea why youd ask such a question

    • Maybe because guys only seem to bring up sex with me and the guys who don’t want a relationship with me are not my type or too clingy. My other friends who are white blonde blue eyed all have boyfriends who love them so I was wondering if it was because of my looks (black girl)

    • no no ma'am. im sure you're pretty af. but if you're not getting a guy for a relationship, its because those guys aren't good enough for you. the thing here is, you're looking for one. I've generally found this so common that when a woman is just being herself, focusing on herself, loving herself, being a better version of herself, and is happy genuinely enjoying life, thats when the guys come wanting to have that positivity in their lives too (sometimes, ends up just ruining her life) so you need to know your self worth and that you're important and you can do so much better even being alone, you shouldn't depend on a person to give you all the happiness in the world or anything really. becoming independent will only help you get better and when the right man comes along, he will treat you right. if not, your self love and worth will show you he's not worth your time.

    • you're 17, you haven't "found" anything out about what guys do. Plus you dress like a slut

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What Girls & Guys Said

25 109
  • Cost of everyone wanting friends with benefits tbh.

  • A stiff prick has no conscious!

    Guys only want to shoot cum and not have to deal with feelings or emotions.

    it is why some guys go to massage parlors to get a Happy Ending..

  • (holy shit the girl is beautiful)

    If she has a shitty personality, only sex otherwise i would be flattered if she is interested in me.

  • Couldn't say for those guys, I'd love to find a relationship but so far no luck whatsoever. Right now, mutual attraction, no current kids but wanting them, and not a vegan/vegetarian, and I'd be trying to become everything she wanted so I can escape the dating world.

  • It isn't just a guy thing, girls have some people that will be hook ups and some which will be husband material

    • stupid bitches*

  • You've gotta understand and know why he/she is in a relationship with you. If it's for sex, you'll know no matter how the guy is after a month or two or if you are critical tho, you would see some advances in his relation with you.
    A guy who is with a lady for sex can be friendly and flirty, tryna touch you or demands/possessive for kisses even when it's obvious you ain't in the mood.

  • Don't listen to any guy who uses the term 'boo up'... ugh...

  • Yes.

    • What are the girls doing wrong?

  • No that´s not true. I think it totally depends on the guy and how he values his chances with women. The guy you were talking is probably very confident.
    But many guys out there aren´t. I´m one of those who isn´t very confident. I don´t take a woman´s look for what I want to do with her.
    For me the character is more important because a relationship is a mixture of emotional and physical connection.
    If a feel like we share the similar interests, the same values and have a similar sense of humor that would be a good fundament for a relationship, looks alone are not enough to answer that question.

  • That guy is a fool you can find something wrong with everyone if you look hard enough so you would never find that 10/10. People should understand that it's okay for either sex to hook up. There just needs to be communication and be safe about it. I've had more hook ups than I will admit. Most of them were just physical and alright. I learned a few things got better at certain things and came to the conclusion that somethings are not meant for me. It all led me to who I'm with now. I didn't expect it or plan for it, it just happened. The best trick I learned during those hookups was so simple. I learned how to communicate what it was that I liked and made sure she knew that it was important that she was comfortable and free to tell me show me what she knew she liked or thought she might like. It all clicked and it continues to get better and better. I think sex is important in all relationships but it takes more than running through the motions to make it and your relationship rewarding. For me relationship sex is the best. I'll put it like this traveling around can be fun a exciting. It's worth the experience not saying it's not. At some point you will realize that coming home when things are organized and maintained the way you like it is special and hard to beat. If you get the urge to travel again talk it over there is nothing wrong with traveling together.

  • Lots of guys are more interested in breasts and a vagina than they are a relationship.

    • In other words, they want a vagina to have sex with and ejaculate into. The vagina happens to be attached to a woman.

    • But why not have that as well as a girlfriend?

  • To the extent that this is very true, I’ll say it is evolutionary biology.


    The need or inclination to procreate with as many women as possible to ensure one’s genes spreads far and wide is intrinsic within men’s DNA where it is not in women’s.


    Women have a different software running within them, that is similar to men’s but also quite different.

  • I wouldn't see that kind if girl for either, she looks like a damn Barbie doll.
    Average or normal girls are a much better choice for long term relationships, but I guess guys need to reach a certain maturity to see that.

  • Yes because of the girl. If she supports his purpose %100, and gives him peace then why would he leave? Most women are chaotic, hence the divorce rate.

  • I’ll tell you a secret.

    man whores tend to raise their sons to become man whores. Just be careful who you procreate with

  • Its down to what the guy wants himself many dont want to settle so they just have fun dont matter how good looking she is there is always someone else

  • I would say that girl will still be seen as both hookup and girlfriend material by men, although she is not particularly my type.

    As crazy as this may sound, I feel like many more women than men are the ones interested in the hookup lifestyle these days. You will find many men who do want an actual girlfriend.

    • I agree her personality would have to match. It takes more than a hot girl to decide if she is relationship material. If she was hypothetically perfect there aren't many guys out there at her age that would be mature enough to handle the kind of attention that would come with that. If she was perfect people she was close to would think she was too good for you. Some guys would go out of there way to throw shade and sabotage you. It would take maturity and confidence and faith that she was in fact perfect and would weed through the bullshit and make the right decisions. I made Soo many mistakes when I was younger I fucked off some good women and ruined my chances of having any relationship as well as covnersations. I probably wouldn't have even approached her back then

    • @virtue2332 Dude, this is all so fucking true. This was pretty interesting: "there aren't many guys out there at her age that would be mature enough to handle the kind of attention that would come with that."

    • Yeah I wish it was different. I just don't like being the focus of attention and that would definitely turn heads. I went out with a fairly famous musicians daughter when I came back from over seas and separated from the millitary. Her aunt and grandmother were very famous actually. You would definitely know them. I didn't find out until like the second time we were out and she asked me if I wanted to go over to her house for a function. She basically told me to prepare me for what it was going to be like and who to expect to see there. She was the baby of the family. Now that the cat was out of the bag she showed me pictures of another event that was similar. everyone looks trendy and then I see a picture of her and Dre chatting it up as well as other industry people and her Dad is famous but different genres and quite a bit older. There's people from a certain space movie that someone her family had a lead role in. I just felt out of my league ended up bailing on the event and then her mom got sick and had a long battle with cancer and that was that. She ended up marrying an older gentleman probably has money she definitely has money and in the fashion industry so I get to see all the great places they visit as well as the properties they own. it is what it is

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  • I wouldn’t be surprised if it were because of the women 🤷🏻‍♂️

  • This form of objectification is unflattering for everyone involved, even peripherally

  • It's not because of the girls.

    Many guys are not ready for a commitment... at least not yet. Yet, their body desires teh release that sex gives. Hence, a hookup.

    I was kind of like that in my mid-20s. Not ready for a relationship because I was more interested in my career. I didn't date that much but when I did it was more for teh sex than companionship.

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