Why would my husband choose to not wear protection but also say he doesn't want a baby?

[Anonymous]

Background: My husband and I have been together for 8 years. Married for 3. We have a 2 year old son. We decided we wanted a baby late March 2018. We immediately started trying and simultaneously started planning our wedding for a few months out (June 2018). Based on my tracking calendar, I got got pregnant on or around April 2nd. I found out on April 20.

Current issue: I want another baby. I feel like the time is right to expand our family. Furthermore, we are both 33 this year and I don't want to put that stress on my body of a later in life pregnancy. My husband says he wants to wait, which I respect, but his change in behavior has me confused.

I never got pregnant for the first 5 years of our relationship, despite not being on birth control, because he refused to touch me without a condom and always pulled out. I tried birth control twice, after the birth of our baby, and I had it out both times for different reasons.

After this second time of having it out, I explained to my husband that I regret the BC because I truly want a baby, but I also wasn't enjoying how the BC made me feel. He was supportive of me having it out.

Since then, he is still choosing to have sex without a condom, even though we have some left over from before. However, he is still pulling out.

I'm confused because I know this man well enough to know that he is fully aware of the risk of pregnancy, even with the pull out method. I've told him that if he doesn't want a baby then we need to use condoms. Also, I'm over here going crazy because my cycle hasn't returned to normal and so I'm taking pregnancy tests on a daily basis.

My husband is a man of few words, so, I can't really ask him. I wish I can be in his head. I will, at some point, sit down with him and tell him he needs to make a decision. But I want to be prepare with what he may be thinking. Any third party perspectives would be great.

[ebbyeb]

Honestly, to begin, I’m sorry you’re in this situation in which he’s purposefully leaving you in a stressful disposition like this. Not to third party in a disrespectful way but it’s extremely immature and inconsiderate for him to not consider your feelings here.. especially if you’ve been together that long.


It’s really tricky to pinpoint the situation for what it really is... but not using a condom could be his “compromise” to you in a really weird way. Since, of course, there’s always the risk of a pregnancy and you’ve mentioned that he use to always use condoms... so the sudden and contradictory change is definitely something to take note of. Considering that he’s a man of few words, again, maybe this is just some sort of gamble compromise? I’m not sure if he’s that type of person... but hopefully you can get some insight to what he’s thinking soon.


Hope this helps! :)

[Asker]

He is being extremely inconsiderate and immature. I think it's stemming from the fact that I have been vocal about my desire for another baby, but I'm not at like an ultimatum stage. I want a baby, but if he feels like we need to wait, then I'm not going to try to trick him or anything. I do wish he would see me testing daily since my cycle is off, and decide to either use protection or try to get me pregnant. Like sh*t or get off the pot husband. I think you may be right about the compromise. He doesn't think we're ready, at the same time he knows it's what I want. So, an "accident" would be welcomed. I just wish he would say this to me.

[Anonymous]

Obviously he’s not on board with having another baby. In a perfect world, you could have a conversation about it and come to a consensus. Has he given you his reasons for wanting to wait? Are they legitimate reasons? Does he want another child at all? Would you be satisfied if he was ready in a reasonable time frame, like a year or two? You’re going to have to pin him down and get him to open up to solve this. Another solution, and it’s a sneaky one, is to just wait and bide your time. He was supportive of you stopping your birth control and has decided he’s comfortable pulling out. Eventually he’s going to slip up and get you pregnant doing that. ... and he has to know this in his own mind.

[Caliguy88]

It feels better. I’ve used 0 protection more times than I could imagine. Mostly with partners... pulling out works...

[Anonymous]

Tell him to get a vasectomy. Or offer to do sixty-nine.

[Anonymous]

Because it feels too good to wear protection and amazing to just let loose and cum deep inside of you.

[Asker]

Well, he's still pulling out. He's just being a man then. And, I guess an accidental baby out of it is a good trade for him.

[Opinion Owner]

Aww yeah I wouldn’t pull out. Maybe find a way to act like ur getting close to cumming and hold him inside u close and cum when we does.