Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Women do all the work during sex. Feeling resentful, help please?

I've only ever been with my boyfriend so I can't compare it to anything else. But we've been together for almost 4 years and I've always been told that I have to do the work.

As in, I have to initiate, I have to dress up, I give him blowjobs, I have to seduce, I have to fuck him even if I'm not wet. What does he do? Play games on his phone and I'm suppose to be turned on by that.

I told him multiple times that I want him to make some effort as well. He always responds with it's not the guys' job, guys don't do stuff like that. It's up to the girl.

But that can't be true can it? I'm growing more and more resentful everyday. I don't enjoy sex, I actually dread it. I see it as a chore that must be done so I can move on with my day.

If it matters, he's been with many girls in the past, he's had previous long term relationships, he's in his late 30's.

Tell me this isn't what sex is suppose to be like! Cause I'm dreading it //
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Most Helpful Girls

  • It's not supposed to be like that.
    Sometimes you do the work, sometimes he does the work.
    If he is not making you feel the way a woman should feel in bed then it's not worth it... You deserve a better partner.
    Love feels amazing when done with the right person and he is obviously not the right person. If I were in your situation I would rather have one-night-stands every weekend at least those one nights are exiting and epic... (don't forget protection lol)
    And you never had anyone else? Really? Gather your belongings and go experience life a little bit, have some fun! Meet someone who makes you feel loved and appreciated and makes effort to pleasure you...
    Or try to pick up the pieces and "fix" your partner but be careful, don't cut yourself.

    Good Luck,

  • That is definitely not what sex is supposed to be like.
    I mean, in respect to giving blowjobs/dressing up/initiating/seducing and such, that's fine to do once in a while. However, nothing, especially if it's sexual, should ever feel like you're being forced to do it.

    Especially regarding the part where you said you 'have' to fuck him, even if you're not wet? Girl, that's ridiculous and straight up abusive on his part. Next time he tells you it's 'not a guy's job' while he plays on his phone or whatever, tell him he can fuck himself in that case.

  • What you are describing happens in 90% of relationships. The female usually do more work in the relationship versus the guy. Thats one of the reasons why I am single. Got sick and tired of being the one doing all of the work in the relationship and the guy is doing nothing to make me happy. I slowly became depressed and overwhelmed. I prefer for a man to take care of me and care about my feelings also.

Most Helpful Guys

  • You are with a partner that has a wrong mind set of what relationship should be. If you would get with a younger or the same age as you guy they would probably do all the work and try to please you. His age and the fact he has been with a lot of girls makes him think he does need to do any thing.

  • You've lasted 4 years with this douche? Wow! You are the definition of perseverance. Get out while you still can! The world is filled to the brim with interesting and amazing people. You found the exception. XD

    • Sex is two things... 1- an additional way to connect with someone that you already are in love with and the feeling of being that close makes you stronger as a team And... 2- an awesome way to feel amazing. Guys will literally put their dick in anything if there's the possibility it will feel pretty cool. Sex is NOT a chore. You're better than that. Everyone is.

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What Girls & Guys Said

9 21

  • That's not right...

    Especially the "i have to fuck him even if I'm not wet", that's almost abusive.
    If you don't want to, you don't have to !

  • It shouldn't be that way. Just stop giving it up, and see how long it takes him to try. Especially if it's not enjoyable to you.

  • definitely not what sex is supposed to be like. My girlfriend and I take turns or just whichever one of us happens to be really horny at that time. You should never dread having sex, that is a huge red flag.

  • You serious?
    my boyfriend is nothing like this..
    i can assure you he's a idiot please leave..

  • Sounds like the ultimate beta male to me... real men know how to please their woman... not act like a child and demand this and that... ICK... move on before it's too late!

  • You have experience with 1 guy and you can generaliise this to 'women do all the work.'
    Wow.
    The guy is spoiled rotten, and I don't care how old he is, he acts like a selfish little boy, so he's not a man.

  • omg you are with a total asshole. a lazy one too.

    both people should be working. but it would be nice to have a woman that can take control when SHE wants to. but most women do not do "the work", the fact that's works to begin with means something is seriously wrong. WTF!

  • Sounds like this relationship is one sided

  • Head for the exit. Dont try to fix this.

  • Uh no this is not what sex is supposed to be like. Dump him. You gave him chances and his lazy ass keeps coming up with excuses. End it and end your pain.

  • You're with a selfish asshole. Find someone else will you that pleases you.

  • You are with a man child and not a real man! Dump this guy and find yourself a real man...

  • besides when they're on top, how on earth do u thing women do all the work? i literally am huffing and puffing and like sweating bullets from how much work i do during sex and i've yet to be with a girl who did the same

  • Spoiler alert: your boyfriend sucks at sex

  • Uhhhh wha? From my experience it's 50/50 or the guy does more work

  • It's time to kick him to the curb.

  • sex should be enjoyed by both of you. not what your doing.

  • your partner is so wrong it's suppose to be team effort in fact in my relationships I do most of the work and my partners feel bad because they do think they do much

  • Do it with another guy then punish your boyfriend.

  • Both men and women seem to complain that there doing all the work.

  • Show More (10)

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