Would you feel satisfied if a person didn't truly desire you sexually but was being sexual with you for other reasons?

[mistixs]

For example, could you be satisfied by paying a sex worker who wouldn't give you the time of day if not for your money? Could you be satisfied with a golddigger who learned to "grin and bear" having sex with you, just so they could drain your bank account?

Personally, if someone doesn't truly want sex with me, then that's a massive turn-off for me. I don't think I could enjoy it. How about you?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been in this position a few times.

1. I’ve dated women who would drop it not because they liked it, but didn’t want to lose the attention I was giving them. They also had a long game of using me against someone else or looking for financial support.

These are the second to worse kind of women. The worst are women who play dumb with the friendzone while exploiting me for their own ends.

2. I have had two women actually like me so much as a “friend” they let me do it just for my own gratification. They didn’t have any ulterior motives.

In retrospect this was extremely selfless of them. I later very carefully acknowledged what they did and thanked them. I told them they didn’t have to do that but I appreciated them giving me something precious without expectation of anything in return.

3. I confess I’ve been with a few prostitutes. Judge me all you want. But at these scenarios are the most honest. Nothing is hidden. She knows what I want and I know what she wants. But I felt like shit afterwards. But that decision was on me.

Bottom line is sex is obviously not as good when you don’t feel wanted.

[Jamie05rhs]

Hmm. I have thought about this before. ... Look- I know I'm not a 10. The way I see it, if I'm lucky enough to find someone that finds me acceptable enough to marry, even if they're not drooling when they look at my picture, then that is OK with me.

If she falls in love with me as a person, I don't really mind if she doesn't lust after my body. (She'll probably have to get off from my licking skills anyway.)

Or even if she doesn't necessarily fall in love with me but just tolerates me loving her, that is okay, too.

All I ask for is commitment and loyalty.

[Jamie05rhs]

Also, if my wife wasn't feeling necessarily close to me personally, but she wanted to use my body, I would probably still let her. She IS my wife, after all. It wouldn't be very nice to deny her sexual relief.

[Screenwriter]

Jamie, hold out for better than that. I think it's out there for you. I see mismatched looking couples ALL THE TIME. Gorgeous men with average looking women and vice versa. To me, this is a clear case of each person brings something to the relationship that satisfies the other and BOTH find each other HOT HOT HOT! If there is a GIANT emotional OR physical attraction gap, the relationship is doomed in the long haul. I knew a woman who LOVED her husband. He gained 100 lbs and she stayed with him for years afterward until she couldn't take it anymore. He didn't even look human! She'd talked it out with him. She wasn't looking for him to look like a teen ager, but to look and be healthy. THey stopped having sex. RED FLAG!!! There was nothing physically wrong with him It was his stressful JOB. Did he try to change jobs and get back into shape. No. She divorced him and became happier and met another person who faced his issues. Another guy loved this gal emotionally and mentally but she wasn't his physical type at all. He liked skinny blondes with giant tits! she had small tits was a brunette and was muscular. Just didn't jell! Finally found his physical type and dumped her unceremoniously. He could have bowed out gracefully and told her she just wasn't his cup of tea.. But he was a wuss. Hurt her feelings worse than if he'd have let her go! You have to have the WHOLE PACKAGE!!! Takes longer, but worth the wait.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Screenwriter That dude was a dumbass. (The guy who dumped the girl.). I personally think he was way too shallow to begin with; but having said that, he shouldn't have gotten into a relationship with someone he wasn't attracted to. As for the dude gaining a bunch of weight: that sounds like a communication problem to me. I think he was probably narcissistic and so he wouldn't listen to her when she begged him to lose weight (assuming she did.). They probably had never learned to truly listen to each other even prior to this becoming an issue. But, alternatively, he could have been facing depression. Maybe he wanted to get in shape but just didn't know how to. For whatever reasons, he wasn't getting the help he needed. (I will add, though, that she shouldn't have divorced him for that. "For better or for worse" and "in sickness and in health" means just that. It's a vow. It's a promise. You don't just give up on your spouse because they're having problems, no matter what it is.)

[Screenwriter]

Jamie, I KNEW this woman well. She was very kind and helpful. Had two beautiful children, lovely home. She spoke to me in detail about her husband and how he ate compulsively because of his job stress and no matter how kind she was about his weight gain, which took years, he ignored her. It's not for better or for worse FOREVER! If you have a partner who will not address their issues, will not hear what you're saying about your concerns and won't change any of their behavior, it's time to get out. They were married for 15 years. The last five were miserable. All he did was come home and eat. They went nowhere. Did nothing. Had no sex life or intimacy at all. When I say intimacy, I mean simply taking and sharing. Their marriage was kaput a long time before the divorce. He was eating himself into an early grave. I've seen this countless times: women and men. They don't handle their stresses and shut out their families and spouses. If they refuse help, you get YOURSELF help and move on.

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes, it IS forever. You don't seem to understand the concept of marriage. I don't care how nice she was. In the end, she failed him. She gave up on him.

[Screenwriter]

HE failed. He did not take care of himself and did not address his issues. You are obligated to take care of yourself in your relationship. You bring your BEST self to your marriage. Sure, we all have problems. But not for six years!!! She kept TRYING TO HELP him and he didn't respond. WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR OURSELVES. You cannot solve anyone else's problems. You can offer HELP. If they refuse the help, you must move on. I'm not saying right away. I stayed with an abusive man for 17 years and went to counseling with him. He finally refused to do anything and kept hitting me. I left. Marriage is NOT forever. It is a contract. If one of the parties REFUSES to hold up their end, the contract is broken.

[Jamie05rhs]

Sure, he failed. But she also failed. No; it's not a contract. It's a vow. Unconditional love is not conditional. Your example is a valid one to back up your point of view. But it doesn't apply to her situation. He wasn't hitting her.

[Jamie05rhs]

I know this is personal for you because you're trying to defend your friend. But the fact is she was wrong.

[Screenwriter]

I can't persuade you of the fact that you are wrong. But continue to believe as you do. I hope you find the perfect partner who never has an insoluable problem and believes you are perfect and accepts everything you do, even things that are abhorrent to them. I certainly didn't have one. Just like her. My marriage wasn't forever and many people make mistakes and marry the wrong person because of inexperience or other factors. Her husband decided to not care about himself and ended up not caring about his children or his marriage or the fact that he was miserable at his job. All he did was work and eat. WHo wants to live with this? She proposed counseling. He refused. She stood by him until she couldn't stand being in a loveless, sexless marriage. She also didn't want her children witnessing their father eating himself to death. But in ALL relationships, if there is no flexibility, as you seem to be touting, there will likely be failure.

[Jamie05rhs]

Come on now, @Screenwriter. You don't have to get catty. Obviously no one is perfect and there may be issues that come up. What you do is you address them and you work through them. I understand that mistakes were made. People in your situation can't go back and change what has already been done. It's up to those of us in my generation to have the foresight to see potential red flags and avoid bad relationships. I already told you he was wrong. No matter what you say, you are not going to convince me that she was not also wrong. She lost her resolve. She gave up. She failed. I am a very flexible person. But if you want me to entertain the idea of giving up on my wife and leaving her, then you had better brace yourself for disappointment. Because it's not happening. Ever.

[Screenwriter]

Hitting your head against a brick wall is not losing your resolve. Eventually, you get bloody. You are still of the impression that you can change someone else. Sure, marriage is a vow. But sometimes vows have to be broken. You try hard and it doesn't work out. I am a born and raised Catholic. I didn't believe in divorce either, until I ran up against that wall. It was a relief to end my marriage. I was sad about it, but I was no failure. It was the proper stance to take in the face of a person who was not invested in doing his best. You cannot change another person. You can only do so much. Stopping a bad investment is a success.

[Jamie05rhs]

No. A vow is a vow. You DO NOT break a vow. No; I never said I could change anyone. Only God can change people. What you did was not wrong. Please don't conflate your friend's situation with yours. You were completely justified, and I'm GLAD you left him!

[Screenwriter]

jamie, there is absolutely NO DIFFERENCE between my friend's situation and my own. He was abusive to himself AND to his marriage and children. You take a vow to love and honor each other in sickness and in health. This does not mean if someone is mentally ill and gets no help for that illness (his depression and stress eating) and also CHOOSES TO REMAIN SICK, as in obese, that that is not abusing the marriage. It is. He broke his vows. IF SICK, you do everything in your power to get healthy. HE DID NOTHING. IF depressed you do everything in your power to get help. HE DID NOTHING. He also did not parent his children. HE LEFT EVERYTHING TO DO WITH EVERYTHING UP TO HER. He brought home a paycheck and did nothing else. He had no energy or desire to do anything else because he was always tired and he drank to ease his pain too. HE BROKE HIS VOWS and she could do nothing to make him attend to them. NO ADULT IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY OTHER ADULT or their choices. Parents are responsible for their minor children. That is where that shit ends. When a partner NEGLECTS their part of the marriage contract, as this guy clearly did on so many levels it was distressing to watch him come home from work. (I saw this on many occasions and how he went to his office, didn't interact with his children or met someone for golf or drinks after work.) He also made no effort to change his job to something less stressful. Maybe they'd have to have gotten along on less money. But I bet anything she would've chosen a happy, healthy husband with more time at home and with his family than this absentee Zeppelin she ended up with. It seems like this all started happening after they had children and she had to devote more time to playdates, taking kids to and from school and doing all the extra duties parents have to do to run a household. I asked her in great detail, which she was open about talking to me. You should've seen their wedding pictures. He was unrecognizable.

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes, there is very much a difference. Mental illness is illness. None of the new information you have added proves that she had a right to leave him.

[Jamie05rhs]

No offense, but this is why divorced women are toxic. They get together with other divorced women and have their "I'm divorced" pity parties. Which would be okay; I think support groups are great. But the problem is that they have no discretion or moral judgment. In some divorce cases, it's the man's fault; in others, it's the woman's fault. But that distinction isn't made. Unfortunately, women just aren't able to call other women out on their bullshit. So here we have you, a true victim of abuse, making excuses for a woman who left her husband because of a weight problem. Sad.

[Screenwriter]

James, this man's WEIGHT problem was simply a manifestation of his OTHER problems. He did not address ANY of them. He had a job that was too stressful for him, so he overate to reduce his stress. Because he overate, he ballooned up 100 lbs and more. Because he ballooned up, he was tired all the time and no longer interested in sex. Their sex life ended. Because he ballooned up and was tired all the time, he didn't interact with his children and left the household, child care , homework and everything else o his wife to do. He WITHDREW from every responsibility except bringing home a paycheck. HE also added alcohol to his list of problems. This was no pity party. We genuinely spoke to each other about what was going on with him. At the time we began being friends, she was not contemplating divorce. I didn't do anything but support her supporting him to get healthy. She listed the many efforts she had made. He was UNWILLING TO MAKE ANY CHANGES to live a happy life with his wife and family. It wasn't about his weight. It was about what that weight signified.

[Jamie05rhs]

Yada yada yada. You still did not mention one single thing that qualifies for divorce.

[Screenwriter]

If I have been suggesting help you can get as my husband because you're struggling under too much stress in your job, you're overweight by a long shot and unhealthy, you're drinking too much, you've checked out on our sex life and the family, I'm doing everything and you're not sharing the homelife burdens, and you are doing nothing to address all these shortfalls and it has not been weeks or months but many years of this behavior, and I'm exhausted and DONE with you, that is a reason for divorce. There's only so much any one person can take, then there's the straw that breaks their back. She was fed up with having a ghost husband/father/lover. He did nothing to change or help himself. So she was supposed to stay in this miserable relationship and suffer the rest of her life? Why? She left, got remarried and has a normal, happy setup and he takes the kids and does stuff with them weekly. Not until she LEFT did he make even the slightest effort to do anything with his own children. The stepfather seems to be a standup guy and does well with the kids too. He has a grown son. But has he changed anything else? No. So, if leaving him only changed that one aspect of their family life, it means she would've been miserable even longer than she already had been. There is no reason to SUFFER through a failed relationship. It didn't fail for won't of HER trying, but for lack of HIM trying. There is nothing you can do about someone who's given up on themselves. Nothing. Every minister, priest, psychologist and psychiatrist will tell you this is so. There is a time to leave. You don't have to believe this or act on it. But many people must do it so they have a modicum of happiness in their lives. Some marriages don't work out. Mine didn't. Hers didn't. We weren't failures. We had spouses who were too difficult to remain with. No matter what vows you SAID, actions speak louder. People SAY things all the time that they do not mean or do not understand the depth of.

[Jamie05rhs]

Nope. It's not. Those are relationship problems, and you need to deal with them. If he isn't willing, then pray. You NEVER give up on your spouse. Ever.

[Jamie05rhs]

"Every minister, priest, ... will tell you this is so.". False. And if they do, they're not following God. They are apostates, and they are teaching blasphemy. You keep conflating your experience with hers. You need to stop making excuses for her. She is NOT innocent. "No matter what vows you SAID, actions speak louder.". You keep trying to make this about HIM, when it is about HER. No matter what your spouse does, you are still responsible for YOUR side of the deal. You are responsible for your own vows, and it is your moral duty before God to keep them. Stop playing mental gymnastics. This concept is simple, clear, cut & dry. Remain faithful to your spouse. Period. That is the point I am trying to get through to you here, and I will continue driving that home, because it is VERY IMPORTANT. It is at the very core of the issue. "People SAY things all the time that they do not mean or do not understand the depth of.". I agree with you on that!!!

[Screenwriter]

You base your idea of marriage on a religious precedent. I do not. We fundamentally disagree on this and there is no compromise for either of us. I believe that if 50 percent of a relationship fails, in the case I'm discussing, HIS side, the vow is already broken. It is pointless for the other person to keep trying and be miserable. The relationship is over. Marriage IS a conditional relationship. Parenting is unconditional because you are responsible for giving life to your children and bringing them into the world. So you always try to help them and you always love them to some degree, even if you've had to distance yourself from them because they aren't living properly and they've wounded you. Marriage is not the same. Maybe in your religion it is. Adults must choose how they're going to live. Living with someone who affectively ISN'T living and interacting with you is the height of ridiculousness and pain. Being a martyr is not the way God wants us to get through life. Having joy and success is. You do you according to your religion. It's not the religion I practice.

[Jamie05rhs]

I think you are right that we fundamentally disagree. I believe you're position is 100% wrong, and I will fight you to the death on it (speaking figuratively, of course.). If marriage is conditional, then marriage is irrelevant. There's no point in even getting married at all if that's the case. I'm sorry that you do not feel the same love for a spouse as you feel for a child. To me, it's all the same. Family is family. Period. (But I do understand that your life experiences have brought you to this point, and I don't blame you for that.)

[Jamie05rhs]

your

[Screenwriter]

It's NOT my life experiences that have brought me to this point. I've always felt this way. Though I'd hoped to have a lifelong relationship with my spouse, due to a host of events, it did not work out that way. Simply because there are conditions with adult relationships does not make those relationships Irrelevant! You have the same arrangements with friends. Friendship is conditional. If your friend treats you badly or develops values that don't mesh with yours, your friendship will, most likely, end. I problem, etc., there will have to be a cutoff to that relationship. You reach a BREAK point. NO matter how much you love the person. LOVE is unconditional. I still realize that my former husband had his good points. He was smart, funny, a hard worker. I COULD have a relationship with him of SOME kind, but he is still violent and abusive. I could like him. He is the father of my son. But invest in loving him. He broke that possibility. Sometimes a child will ruin their relationship with a parent: drug abuse, prison, stealing from the parent. You won't stop loving the child. That is impossible as a parent. But you will have to remove yourself from their presence and from interacting with them to protect yourself. That removal is "divorce," per se. There is no point in risking your emotional, physical or financial health and sanity by dealing with emotionally and physically abusive people: a former spouse, a recalcitrant adult child. In the first case you CAN wean yourself off the person because you have not brought them into the world, you did not raise them and invest part of your life in them. THAT is the difference between people you bring into your life as friends, spouses and a child you bring into the world. It is a vast difference.

[Jamie05rhs]

You're contradicting yourself. You said that you were raised as a Catholic and you didn't believe in divorce.

[Jamie05rhs]

Friendship is not the same as marriage and you know that.

[Jamie05rhs]

So, if love is unconditional, then why is marriage not? Isn't marriage the epitome of love? Come on, now. Think.

[Jamie05rhs]

"In the first case you CAN wean yourself off the person because you have not brought them into the world, you did not raise them and invest part of your life in them." WOW. So you don't even believe I'm investing in your spouse? I'm sorry, but that's really sad.

[Jamie05rhs]

"in"

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks for the MHO. I appreciate it.

[Mollynotgemma]

I truly believe that a sexual connection is priceless and whilst people may feel sad for the person who is being used for their money... they have something more than the person using them! I feel sad for the person who chooses money and average sex for material items.
Money can’t but that sex you have when you finally experience it! Sex can be just sex to please someone or to make yourself feel better and for many reasons. But when you have sex with someone you truly let go with and make love (corny I know) it’s something people would wish they could pay for!

[Screenwriter]

Those choices don't compute. If you don't KNOW that a person is not attracted to you sexually, how could it possibly matter? If you KNOW that you're paying the person to have sex with you and that's the CONTRACT for the several hours you're with them, then what does THAT matter?
If you're in a relationship and you somehow find OUT the person isn't attracted to you sexually, then it DOES matter. I'd never want to be with someone who didn't find me stimulating physically and emotionally. Dealbreaker.

[bambolinababy]

I would enjoy it

Don't buy the bs of guys claiming they wouldn't enjoy it. There is a reason:
* most prostitutes are women
* men regularly insist sex is an obliged duty in relationships
* men are fine guilting women with giving him a chance when dating
* plying women with drugs, alcohol, or begging insults to shit on her self esteem as tactics to get sex

The vast majority of men dislike even getting consent because they don't want to run the risk of being told no OR ruining a yes turning her off... that should show how much men are invested in having an engaged sex partner.

[Vickymoore9]

Obviously anyone who was like this would suck in bed and I wouldn’t waste my time. I can size up and read a guy looking and talking to him to figure out a dud in bed. That’s one skill girls who love sex have we can read into it and shoot that shit down. From vocabulary to the way a guy hold himself sex is a very readable trait lol. You print have that friend who talks to a dozen girls and gets shot down a dozen times that’s why 😂

[AffectionKing]

How can you tell by small talk with a guy if he's good in bed?

[Vickymoore9]

@AffectionKing it’s about interacting with so many people in my life my mind working the way it does. There are just those who get highly uncomfortable or defensive in nature. That’s the biggest give away

[AffectionKing]

Oh ok. The ones that are all for it is good in bed and don't mind sharing is what you saying?

[Vickymoore9]

@AffectionKing there’s a bit more to it nothing to do with arrogance the good ones don’t need to. They have the bedroom eyes and can be shy or out going they don’t get stirred up like most guys do about stuff.

[AffectionKing]

Ok cool. Thanks for informing me on this. I never heard a woman say something like this before

[Vickymoore9]

@AffectionKing I’ve been getting that feeling you haven’t talk to many

[AffectionKing]

I have. None that are this open about sex. Most are usually private or act like they're virgins but really are not.

[filjongrif]

I kinda like it when girlfriend can't be bothered but she'll shove her bum my way and throws me lube.. sexual horniness can consume your life , so a release of that with a hooker or a sheep can only be good for your day to day actions

[navyrobin]

Wait... Sheep?

[navyrobin]

What the f-

[filjongrif]

@navyrobin ask no questions , get told no lies

[Lliam]

Sex with someone who desires you sexually is the ultimate. I've had women make me feel like a sexual god based on how much they desired me. There's nothing like it.

[art_hoe]

lmaoo lowkey a part of a situation im in rn


no


love me whole or leave me

[MCheetah]

Not really, no. I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't want to be with me. Or least, can't do a good job PRETENDING. I won't get hard. It simply won't happen. I don't want to sleep with someone who has ZERO desire to sleep with me, but lost a bet, or had to because she gets paid for it, or something. That's why I'd never sleep with pseudo-lesbians ("bisexuals"). I hate them. I can't get off being with someone who doesn't desire/want men, or at least masculinity.

[lightbulb27]

that be manipulation so the answer is no, it's bad. hopefully can see past it. Isn't that what women seek... honest emotional connection?

[Primrose21]

Can't even imagine having sex with a person i'm not attracted with or don't find attractive. It would totally feel gross. Always wonder how hookers feels about it.

[Elliegirl]

Not at all. I don’t think I could ever get sexual with someone who didn’t desire me sexually too.

[Dongtai]

Nope and NOPE.

[Kaneki05]

C. Even though i only see sex as a carnal thing anyway. Sex don't equal emotional satisfaction for me, love does.

[TadCurious]

I would feel the same way you do about that scenario.

[Miristheiss]

No.
If she didn't want me and wasn't in love with me then I'd get out of the relationship with her.

Sex worker? The Earth would be 100% if sex workers and pervert John's didn't even exist. I'd never pay a whore for sex, that is disgusting.

[Finchie40]

I agree with you, I would totally end that relationship if someone was just having sex with me to get into my wallet. On top of that I would never pay for sex , I never have and I never would that does completely nothing for me to be honest, lately I been asked by girls on Snapchat to pay for their premiums and pay to meet up with them so I can have sex with them and I say no way , if I have to pay you to have sex with me then what is the point ? No connection what so ever, and how people can actually degrade themselves for money is dirty to me and a huge turn off

[Natehunter199]

Honestly it would be a turn off for me. I believe the whole experance would be different. Something about a woman that gets turned on and wants to pleasure you sexualy compared to someone doing it just for the money.

[Emperor2408]

Sex is a pure thing. If there are no emotions then I would rather use a sex toy. I like to have sex with people who want me bad because then they participate actively too, talk dirty with us and it's too fun, like my girlfriend :)

[Bandit74]

I don't know. I suppose it would be better than nothing but obviously I would prefer it if their desire was genuine.

[Liya0078]

as an ace, this is a problem for all my future partners to deal with

[magiusX26]

nope. that example is part of why i have an issue with paying for it.

[Kit_Kat88]

No I wouldn’t