Sexual Relationships 
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I'm married and Pregnant BUT... Do I tell the other man it is his baby?Abort?HELP PLEASE!
Anonymous
I had an affair. Husband and I are on the outs. So I don't take BC and the "affair man" knew that. I agreed to take the Plan B pill. I did take it, but it didn't work. I am pregnant now. 4 freaking months pregnant. Neither husband nor the "affair man" know about it. Its not my husbands because we didn't have sex and the "affair man" is the only one I have EVER been with besides husband. The "affair man" and I talked about having kids, but more for conversation sake, not for reality sake. I have a baby growing inside me now and I am a great mother already (I LOVE LOVE LOVE my children, and do everything with them and for them) but...I'm not sure the "affair man" is ready at this time to have kids. Its his baby, but what do I do? If you were in his shoes, would you want to know, or just have me abort it? I'm not eve sure I can have an abortion this far along. I don't show until I am at least 6 months along, despite being only 120 pounds...and I am cute when I'm pregnant...that's got to count for something...right...seriously though, joking around is my way of making light of a serious situation. My husband would claim it as his, but its not. Is that fair for my husband to step up, or should it be the other mans boundaries? He has a child now and he is a great dad. I mean super duper dad! I don't expect anything from either husband or the other man, just not sure if I should tell? Surely they are going to notice my little bun in the oven sooner or later. Please help guys...this is serious and I'm stressing over this big time. Just need advice. I have been going to counseling myself for this situation, so I have a clear vision of what I want, but any advice would be awesome!
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What Girls & Guys Said
20 21f*** it bite the bullet. you're gonna pay for your sins believe me! it will hurt you deeply if you have an abortion. and the lie can kill the truth of your relationships. bite the bullet. tell them, deal with it and move on. I can't tell you whether to have the kid or not but I think your looking at more pain long term if you don't have the kid. I'm sure theyll be fine whatever happens. I'm sure you are a good mother and I ain't anti or pro I just feel whilst you may have the right to your body, from hearing you between the lines the kidll be fine and so will you, but I don't see you having an abortion and lieing about it and pulling that one off intact as a person as easily.
oh honey I would love to say I am sorry for you but I'm not. you brought all of this upon yourself I'm not gonna lecture you about how you should have been using some form of birth control because you shouldn't have been sleeping around with another man in the first place you have a husband even if it is a "loveless marriage" as nyphoman had said. you should have talked to your husband and tried work things out between you two before you got into a big mess like this think about how this is going to affect your family sooner or later they're gonna find out lots of marriages fall apart and the kids end up resenting there parents I say you should talk to your hubby and explain everything to him. he deserves that much right? and if he wants to stay with you that's his deal but I think you should save him the trouble and break up with him and possibly find you a man you are capable of loving and respecting and as for the abortion I would say no because I am against abortion babies are a gift from god.
definitely tell him, he needs to know.
In all honesty, a man should know if he has a child coming into the world. You may not want to hear this but, Both of you were responsible enough to know (no condom+no birth control=possible baby). Have to take responsibility for the actions. If you think he's not ready, teach him and be patient. You're already a parent so you can be a good role model to him. Bad news is, husband is going to find out soon whether you tell him or not. Have to be ready for consequences whatever they may be. You're an adult, you can make your own decisions. We can't tell you what to do, but we can make suggestions. In the end I believe it will be OK. Postponing the inevitable will make more harder for you to tell the truth and be trusted. That's just an opinion, don't take that to heart.
You are absolutely right man I agree with you............
I agree... :]
It's a mess!
IMHO you only have four evident possibilities:
A.
you divorce and marry your lover, if he wants it.AND if you want it. Do you want that?
B.
You stay with your husband and keep the baby without telling him what happened, who's the real father. Dou you want that?
C.
You stay with your husband and keep the baby telling him you did a stupid thing. Do you want that?
D.
You get a secret abortion and forget the mess, living with the one you prefer. Do you want that?
Now the persons involved
1.
The "affair man" knew that if he messed with a married woman his opinion is of no value at all. (or he should have known that) He didn't want a kid, since he was OK with you taking plan B. That voids any responsibility towards him on your behalf.
2.
Your husband: how good or how bad is it between you? How would he react knowing there's baby coming? Would he accept a baby that's not his genes?
3.
You: what/who do YOU want?
Think about it. Answer these questions and you'll know what to do next.
Here are the Planned Parenthood Federation adresses: link
On abortion: link
Keep courage!
let the affair guy know ASAP however you should have the baby and the affair guy should pay child support and you should go on and divorce your husband unless he and you can work things out and he can accept the new child! Hope that helps
Law makes husband support the baby.
All I can say is don't abort.
Forgive me if I'm confused by this soap opera... You said you "LOVE LOVE LOVE" your children, and yet your husband "has a child now and (he's) a great dad".
Singular or plural? Sorry, this just sounds like a troll post. In any event, you already know the answer. It's not something you can hide for long.
just let say why people becoming today to look to cheating like something normal and call it an affair when it is just a dirty nasty guilty relation for the sex the desire for a moment will finish and past so fast and the price is to lose all the value as a human the principles of life that we have to live by them to become an body with sexiel desire no love no heart no feelings no concern about the family or even don't give it any attention or take time to think about it , I think you need we need to wake up and see the really is infront of our eyes , is very clear and easy to know what s right or wrong to do stop to play games aroud and call things by thier names cheating is not a love not a relationship not even a life is a nasy dirty guilty mistake unvorgivable it is a choice not a destiny , we have the choice always for to live clean or a nasty dirty life but sure 100% that who they choose the secend choice they would never have the happiness in thier life or even know what is it , nothing better that to be real true person and stay away from anything can make me become an animal think about an object think only about his desire without any human's value or any principles of life .
well, there is the possibility of abortion ( up to 20 weeks is legal). but you're in your 30's , and I think that you should choose what's best for you, your husband, and your unborn child. you're a big girl now... I think you should decide on this one.
okay so what happened? Did you tell your husband?
You're a moron. You are the type of person who makes me lose all faith in humanity. Yes you were stupid for cheating on y our husband. Yes you were stupid to get pregnant by your affair. Yes you were stupid for not using protection. Yes you will tell your husband what happened. No you should not be a devious bitch and let your husband raise a kid that isn't his blood. No you shouldn't abort because you were retarded. Yes you should tell the affair it's his and he probably won't give a f*** about you or the kid. Yes you deserve everything for being ignorant, f***ing around and bringing an innocent child into this world. Please stay out of the gene pool. K thanks.
Lying to your husband and cheating on him had consequences. Yes, your marriage is on the rocks, but that doesn't excuse you for meeting someone. Before you dated this guy, you should have divorced your husband. This isn't a judgmental saying, I'm just telling you what's more logical to your benefit. Knowing you committed adultery doesn't help the divorce proceedings at all.
From what you wrote, it seems the guy whose the father isn't really ready to tackle a relationship, let alone a kid. And taking note of your humor, no matter how cute you are, he isn't going to be swayed into staying with you. My guess is, he will abandoned you most likely. What you should do right now, is admit to your husband what happened, and tell the father he has a child on the way. As for abortion, I have no comment on that, except you really look at your options.
What ever you do, DO NOT abort the child! You will regret it for the rest of your life. I think that for the child's best interests you should let your husband claim it as his. You have to think about the child. The child needs a mother and a father, don't leave your family. Ask your "A M" what he would want if you got pregnant and the child were his. But do not tell him you are. Based on his reactions decide if you will give up your child to your "A M" or keep it as your husbands. But when the child grows up it will need to know its true parents. You really are in a sticky spot and I really hope you find a reasonable way out, that does not involve the extreme.
wow that's f***ed up. so, don't let what you f***ed up ruin the chance for the baby to live. this child is no different from the ones you LOVE because it's already YOUR child.