I slept with my ex boyfriend' good friend, what do I do?

[Anonymous]

So my ex boyfriend broke up with me after a very intense, (but only 4 month long) relationship in which he'd told me repetitively that he wanted to marry me. I was slower to get so serious, but finally did, and fell head over heels. I knew he was going out of the country for a few months for school, but we'd discussed this a lot ever since we started dating, and didn't think it would be a problem. Well, he broke up with me a week after arriving there completely out of the blue (we'd just spent Christmas vacation together and there had been no doubts within that time period). Anyway, I was devastated; and while he was there, he quit talking to me entirely. Considering we spent all of our time together prior, it felt like I lost part of myself. His friends suggested it was because he didn't want to remind himself how he hurt me, which is what would happen if he talked to me. I don't know how right or wrong that assessment was. Anyhow, over the past 5 months since then, I've spent tons of time with one of his friends. Who made it very obvious that he liked me. However, he didn't want to do anything because he has morals (as he should) and because I wasn't over my ex. Eventually we got drunk and kissed. Inevitably. And I realized how much I actually liked him. Then we talked about how that couldn't happen again since he's my ex's friend, I still cared about my ex, he didn't want to ruin our friendship, etc. At the same time, it had started to feel like the whole relationship with my ex wasn't real and didn't happen and that he really wasn't coming back. However, my ex was arriving back in the US this past week. Immediately upon his return, I discovered he'd begun dating a girl seriously while being abroad. And the reason he'd given me for breaking up, was that we'd be living in different cities for the next few years while I finish school, and this new girl happens to live multiple states away. Anyhow. A few days after discovering this, I decided I was done letting him ruin my life and it wasn't fair that I couldn't date his friend when he'd obviously moved on and he was the one who ended our relationship. Soo. I told this all to the friend, and we ended up sleeping together. But now, I think he's confused and feels bad. And now, I don't know what to do. I almost want to talk to my ex boyfriend about the situation, and just tell him so that we're not sketchily doing anything behind his back, but then I feel almost like that should be his friend's job, and that it shouldn't come from me.

[Dollface-86]

Woe. That brings back some shit for me. The assessment that he didn't want to talk to you because it would be weird and stuff is probably accurate. Plus he knew what he was doing with that other chick he failed to mention. You are right. It is his friends job to tell this guy what happened. It would cause so many problems for him if he heard if from someone else. So let his friend tell him. You should not have one single guilty bone in your body. Usually you break up with someone you have lost those feelings for. He dumped your ass out of nowhere, wouldn't talk to you or have shit to do with you, and began seriously dating another girl that he had failed to mention. What are suppose to do? Sit home and knit? No. Move on and you did. Now I understand his friend's guilt tho. You should tell him that he needs to go and mention the situation to your ex. He doesn't have to tell him that y'all slept together and whatnot unless he wants to. He just needs to tell your ex "Hey, I've been talking to so-and-so and I really like her. He needs to make the points that I just did and let him know that with all of that said, he really should'nt care.

[confusedgirl22]

Yep totally agree! its a bit awkward but if your ex hadnt ditched you then this wouldn't have happened so he's only himself to blame. besides he gave you a crap reason for dumping you when this new girl lives far away too.

[gravygirl]

The guy should really be the one to talk to him here. If you do it he'll just think that you're trying to throw something in his face and make him jealous or something.

[sexwiseman]

Tough situation, but kind of a common situation. Your relationship with the ex is over. He broke up with you. You're not his property. As far as you're concerned, you're free to date whoever you like; now, as you said, the one that needs to deal with his guilt is his friend. Did your ex tell this guy that he couldn't date you even after he broke up with you? I highly doubt that. If I were you, I would find out what the details are as to why he feels confused, or feels bad about sleeping with you. I don't see why you need to talk to your ex; if anything, by talking to him, you're letting him know that he runs your life. The person you need to talk to is this guy you're seeing now, and basically he needs to be a man and tell his friend he is dating you. You say they are friends, is not like they are brothers, or best of friends. Plus, you mention the ex is dating somebody else, so why would he care his friend is dating you?

[DeltaBoy1983]

You hit the nail on the head in your last sentence with it being the friend's job. He has the relationship with your ex. Yours ended when he broke up with you. He must talk with him about the two of you. If the ex is not happy about it, there is not much he can do about it. It is your life and his friend's life, not his. Moral he has done nothing wrong to your ex. You two dated for 4 months and it has been 5 more since you two broke up. It is not like his did it next or while y'all were dating. Move on with your life and be happy with the new guy. Everything will smooth out eventually.

[Superstrength79]

Keep the ex out of the picture for the remainder of your days. This new guy is worth pursuing, just encourage him and walk him through this rough transition period. He needs to feel like he isn't the rebound guy.

If the ex has a problem with you both dating, it's his problem alone. Get used to thinking or saying "his loss" a lot; because it really is. He kept talking about marrying and rushing you just to end the relationship for someone else. Not someone to be concerning yourself about.