Am I doomed to be with guys that only wants to have rough sex with me?

Question

My ex husband was a total sadist and he made me live in hell especially during sex. I had scary nightmares because of it and now my boyfriend. He was a good guy until recently he started having rough crazy wild sex and wants to control me on bed. My boyfriend isn’t sadist but he likes wild rough sex that makes me crazy sometimes. Is it my bad luck or there’s something that makes them treat me that way suddenly.

kkirk4442 · Accepted Answer

It's unlikely that you do anything that makes guys want to have rough sex with you. It is likely, that you either attract guys who want rough sex, or that you unconsciously are attracted to guys that want rough sex. You certainly are not doomed to be in relationships with these types of men. You can observe what kinds of guys you are attracted to, and get some understanding from that. A better way, is to get some personal counseling, and work on ways of understanding why you are attracted to these kinds of guys (personality type), and how you can change, so that you will be more likely to attract guys that will treat you in the ways that you want to be treated. Again, you are not doomed. This can change.

AustinMan · Accepted Answer

I'm really sorry you were treated this way. I suggest you sit down with him and talk about what you want and need as him. Hopefully, this helps?

Cassie94 · Accepted Answer

This is just bad luck - there’s no way you could ‘attract’ the kind of guy who only likes rough sex 🤷🏼‍♀️ so maybe try explaining how you feel and see if he will tone down the roughness - at least until you feel ready again to be treat this way, if you ever do. If he’s reasonable, he will totally understand your feelings and be able to work with you on this! 🙋🏼‍♀️ There’s nothing wrong with a guy wanting rough sex, but you should both be able to communicate your feelings and preferences and work together to make this just right for the both of you. Good luck! 🙂

SphynxUK · Accepted Answer

Isn’t all this discussed before you enter into a sexual relationship with someone?
And even if you didn’t, during the first occasion surely you would have stopped things, said how you feel and done things differently?

I’d things are similar this time around, speak up. Say what you will and won’t do and decide on a happy medium if you can.

Hogwheels · Answer

There is nothing wrong with the way you feel. There's also nothing wrong with your boyfriend, but your comfort is extremely important and if he's a good boyfriend and he really cares about you, then your comfort should matter to him more than rough sex matters to him. Talk to him about it. If he loves you, he'll slow down for you. If he doesn't then he's a prick who doesn't deserve you.

psychoticanimallover · Answer

Men either want to hurt us sexually, or they want us to hurt them. Try to find yourself one of the latter, Millie.

normalice · Answer

You are getting old enoigh that guys you meet are more likely to chill easier. Rough sex is nice when a guy has the energy for it, but after 25 or so the merits of taking the time to do it right become harder to ignore.

JPrez · Answer

Maybe you're putting off a vibe that you're submissive.

DavidFox · Answer

Once your boyfriend gets too rough why not leave?

bowenw · Answer

If you don't like rough sex you should tell him. A good guy will respect your wishes. If he doesn't, he should find a new girlfriend that's into it.

Angelo75 · Answer

How can you have an ex-husband while your profile says u're only 20? 0_o

chriscdi · Answer

rough sex is just seen as dominant sex so guys do it a lot

Andres77 · Answer

Spirit attached... that's what it sounds like.
If you're being treated in a way that you don't like then you have to confront the behavior. Be willing to lose the relationship if they're not willing to respect your demands.
No one should be treating you in a way that you feel demeans or uses you. No one.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.
My first wife was cruel to me, we divorced when I was 21. I know it's miserable. I didn't have any help in confronting her bad behavior. I hope you can get the help you need.

hellacray · Answer

You're 20 and you already have a ex husband? And now you say your current boyfriend is kinda the same.  Well what can I say you like that type of guys.

okeydoke · Answer

Have you communicated with your boyfriend that you don’t like how he’s acting sexually?

TheFlak38 · Answer

we all know you enjoy it. relax.

Stan_Control_ · Answer

It's bad luck. Not all guys are alike.

OddBeMe · Answer

Psychologist would say you can change. Behavior is tough once it’s set in.

Valnac · Answer

If you don’t like it tell them..

DanTheMan1995Xx · Answer

What have you tried telling him?

msc545 · Answer

Try telling your boyfriend you don't like it and ask him to stop. If he doesn't, leave him.

Dweezil · Answer

Find a new boyfriend. Rough sex is not pleasuable for either partner.

Yourman89 · Answer

You just have to set your boundaries

Avgbrisbaneguy · Answer

No you will find a guy that will be gentle with you in bed

Am I doomed to be with guys that only wants to have rough sex with me?

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