Boyfriend gets mad when we don't have sex. Help?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I haven't had sex in 5 months. I am 24, he is 26. We've been dating for a year now. He's been wanting sex for a while. He's been so frustrated by a lot and he deals with so much stress from his job. The reason I haven't been giving to him is because of his ways. Talking to other girls, flirting with them, etc. He's been doing a lot to disappoint me and he says the only reason he's like that is because I don't have sex with him and I don't give him attention. But he's always been like that before the 5 months no sex phase. He will be a good boy for me but only like a day just so that he can have sex. This includes helping me, taking me out, treating me right, meeting his friends, etc (stuff he normally doesn't do). He has told a few people on how I don't give him attention and how we don't have sex. He doesn't just get angry when he doesn't get it but he will say or do something to hurt my feelings. I'm afraid to give him so much sex and attention because when I usually do, he will feel too good about himself. Not just in his confidence but his ego.

Advice?

[btbc92]

He is not entitled to having sex with you. He is a boyfriend you can easily remove. You are not married to him. If he's sexually frustrated he can have sex with any other woman he want. He's the type that just want sex and he doesn't care where he gets it from. He is not respecting you then why are you with him? See this is the problem that a lot of you people especially those who want to say you're not religious do not understand. Sex is a marriage and marriage is all about having sex. This guy is somebody you or fornicating with and he's expecting it. This is something that you guys made it as and now you're getting upset because of his ways? Correction, as much as you're entitled to your feelings, you cannot control how he feels. You cannot control what he does because you have no Authority.

He's going to do those things because that's who he is and he's been getting away with it because you women allowed him to get away with it. He does all that stuff because he wants what he wants and he knows how he can get it from you. What you don't need is advice. What you need is to make a decision about how you want to live your life. Because how you're living your life is why you're getting douchebags like him. Sorry to say but truth is truth. You only dating for a year and you started having sex for about 6 months? This whole thing is about 6 for him. Has nothing to do with the job, has nothing to do with him talkin all the girls, and flirting and doing all that stuff, he's just a guy that likes having sex and he doesn't care again when he gets it from. And it's the toxic side of liking it. Even if it did for mental to your well-being. I tell men all the time you act this way you're not going to be in good standing with a woman. And ladies you keep doing this and you keep attracting the same kind of guys and then you have problems with intimacy when you get married. I can't even call this intimacy that you have going on with this person. Because it's fornication. Once again you don't need advice. What you need is a figure out how you want to live your life. And I can't tell you how to live it. I can only point out your problem. So before you ask how you can try to fix this problem and fix him, you need to look at yourself and see where you need to be fixed. Because I can give you a hint, it's not just your lifestyle it's your mindset.

[Alpha09]

Lots of people seem to think your just withholding sex for no reason. But it sounds like he was a jackass before you decided not have sex. It's perfectly normal and acceptable to say no since him flirting with other people, and just treating you right to get in your pants was a turn off. It really kills the mood when someone goes back to thier old shit once they have you. Personally I'd dump his ass, you deserve better.

[MrOracle]

The answer to your boyfriend's poor behavior isn't withholding sex - that's just adding fuel to the fire. The answer is kicking him to the curb and looking for a guy who actually WANTS to be in a relationship and who respects what that means.

You are trying to change your boyfriend, but, guess what? IT CAN'T BE DONE! That's like buying a Mini Cooper when you really want a full-size pickup, and then trying to turn the Mini Cooper into a vehicle that can hold and carry a literal ton of cargo: it won't work and you will destroy the Mini by trying.

Your job is NOT to find a guy you're really attracted to and then change the things about him you don't like - that plan will fail EVERY SINGLE TIME. Instead, your job is to find a guy who is ALREADY the way you like, even if he's not as physically attractive or as cool, because you won't care about those things after a few months anyway.

[alleng12345]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but if it's ok I would like to ask you a question?

If he only treats you well for a day at a time, why are you still with him?

The Way I see life is my partner is someone I want to SHAREy life with. My girlfriend is my best friend.

I want to do something fun, I want her there to laugh and enjoy it with me... my best friend wants the best for me just like I want the best for her... if she was only nice to me 'some of the time' that is not my best friend and I would consider it a one sided relationship and look for someone new who deserves to be part of mine...


Maybe it's time to figure out why you are with him?

I hope you the best and rest assured there is better out there...

[sejla]

'Break up with him. Don't use withholding sex as a punishment. He's isn't changing he's either giving into you briefly or he cheating. This is why you hear men complain about their wives doing stuff like this and rest of us get attacked for it.

[liburnia]

I don't know what are you still doing with this guy. You don't want to have sex because of how he treats you? What do you two have then? It's not a relationship. He treats you bad, you don't give him attention... hun, you got it all wrong.

[R_Cakes91]

Withholding sex just to be petty is kinda cruel. But you both sound kind of toxic towards each other. Go to couples therapy

[EmmaMary]

Sounds very much like you have a controlling nature.

[arabgoddess]

And you're still with him?

[slatyb]

Just end this destructive relationship. Then before you destroy the next relationship, figure out why you think it's ok to punish your partner be refusing sex. If you have a problem with your partner's behavior then tell him directly "When you... then I feel... and I'm not in the mood for sex. " If he won't change the behavior then either decide that you can live with it or end it.

[dmgstarfleet]

Girls want attention and guys want sex. If girls don’t get attention from their guys they seek it elsewhere and eventually break up with them for not meeting their needs. When girls withhold sex from guys they act like girls do when they don’t get attention. They seek it elsewhere and eventually break up with you. After about 6 mos couples begin to notice what they don’t like in a partner. If they survive this phase they usually make it to a LTR. Sounds like you guys are approaching the break up phase

[Blublub]

You might want to consider leaving him this is so toxic

[Miristheiss]

This sounds toxic and like you two should break up.

[Finchie40]

If you are holding off sex from him for that long then he should dump you and find someone that loves sex , when you start using sex as a weapon that isn’t a good thing , also you should dump him for talking to other girls behind your back , you both aren’t good for each other

[BeRealU]

Sex is not a solution to a lack of love. Love produces a desire for physical intimacy. If there is no love, the relationship does not merit intimacy. Protect your heart and find a mutual respect with someone who values you. Sex is not a bargaining chip, but if you love him and he has always been this way, then you need to love him for who he is and be intimate or realize that you don’t love who he is and cut it off.

[metalhead_66]

Are you two in love?

[reptocarl]

You’d think after a year you’d realize he won’t change

[0112358]

The two of you need to either get all in this relationship, or get out.

Right now you're pushing him away because you're unhappy with his behavior. This isn't sustainable.

Either you both do better, or just end things.

[Bananaman177]

Yeah, it sounds to me like deep down you know he's only using you but you're too scared to do anything about it, or you can't muster the will to dump him because you don't really mind it that much.

What you really wish you had was more self-respect. Without that, you'll just keep suffering forever and make him miserable as well.

Your plan sucks shit. Plans are supposed to be for victory, not for numbing yourself to a deadening status quo. Fight to win, not to. . . whatever it is you would call what you're doing.

[samisayaskme]

Sex isn't something that someone is entitled to it's something that's earned through emotional connection, love and respect but it's not something you use to make your man act right he's not a dog or a child you can't train him to act in a way that makes you want to have sex with him

[MannySimms]

Stop using sex as a reward.

[pigoat]

You are both fucking stupid for staying with eachother

I hope you two live the rest of your lives in misery together

[MackToday]

Get away from him, get away from men in general for that matter.

[Laozi]

Leave him. And find someone who respects you.

[Thatsamazing]

More like he should be leaving her, dude, to get someone who respects him. Did you not read the post?

[Laozi]

No. My eyes were closed while reading this question.

[Thatsamazing]

Great.