How do you remove a splinter from inside your vagina?

How do you remove a splinter from inside your vagina?
Like maybe you were using a tree branch to pleasure yourself, hypothetically.
Updates:
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I was thinking of sticking the branch back up, but this time covered in superglue, and then leave it for a minute and hopefully when I pull it out the splinter will have stuck to the branch?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Hmm, I'd start with hemostats, calling over someone you trust who has a steady hand, local anesthetic, and some booze. Not for pain or anything, just to not think about it.

    An alternative would be to call someone you really don't like, but they like you, say you want to have slow sex with them, and just latch on like a tick, let that splinter get caught in their dick rather than your vagina, I mean, between the two, contest of wills type thing, I can wear out other women's bodies to claim supremacy in bed, but if we were an even match physically, the woman would win in a match of friction or chaffage.

    Pussies are pretty goddamn durable, babies pass through, you can slap them, stretch them, pound them like you're practicing to be a human jackhammer, and 10 minutes later she's ready for more action... I'm not lol

  • A pair of pliers, a lighter, and lots of booze.
    Or maybe going to ER.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Tell the truth, you were really riding your broom stick and not a tree branch. Stick a torch up there and burn that sucker out! That super glue hack won't work and is more likely to pull your insides out, but you would get the splinter. Do you know this lady by chance?

    A Walmart store in Cincinnati faced one the strangest shoplifting attempt in history Yesterday: a would-be thief lost consciousness while trying to insert a 7-foot tall plastic Christmas tree in her vaginal cavity.
    According to the police report, 43-year old Wanda Brown took a 7.5-Ft Slim Yuletide Pine Christmas Tree with her inside the store’s restrooms with the intent of inserting it entirely in her body cavities and steal it.

    Unfortunately for her, the pain caused by the insertion was too great and she lost consciousness before the end of the process.

    She was found lying bloodied and senseless on the floor in the middle of the restroom by other customers who immediately decided to call 911.

    Lucy Myers, one of the women who found Ms. Brown and called the paramedics, says she thought the woman had been the victim of an extremely savage aggression.

  • Don't worry, your body will naturally work it out. The vaginal mucosa is able to take quite a bit of punishment, but in such a hypothetical situation, a localized inflammatory response would lead to the splinter being coated and somewhat forced out in a short time without the need for a speculum, hemostat, or other implements. Typically, it's items such as old, forgotten tampons that tend to be found and removed in a clinical setting.

    • You seem to be a funny guy. How do you know so much?

    • @Daniela1982 As a healthcare provider, I've had to fish a few out. The stench is tremendous, but we do our best to keep a straight face, be reassuring, and provide accurate medical information in a non-judgmental manner.

    • Hard to imagine how someone can forget they had a tampon in.

    • Show All
  • Pop few woodworms up

  • I'm not a girl but if it were me I'd see my ob/gyn

  • Update! Lol 😂 Just don’t use Gorilla Glue! 🦍

    • Uh... Yeah... Especially after the recent news... LOL!

    • oh my god no dont use ANY glue 😂

  • Ok grab a funnel, stick it in your vag, and poor some termites in there, they will eat that splinter for sure, then just get eaten out by an ant-eater.

    Dosent get much simpler than that lol

    • Anteater? Wow, that tongue flicking in and out would drive her nuts!

  • lmao um.. tweezers?

  • this makes me squint and feel weird.

  • With my teeth.

    • I think it's a sliver, not a tooth pick.

  • Jesus fuck, go to a doctor

  • That sounds awful i’d run to the ER

  • Make yourself cum using something other than a tree branch (maybe rubbing your clit). The lubrication when you gush will help the splinter slide right out.

  • If I were you, I'd ask someone to removed it with their teeth. If it's too deep for that, I would go to see Paul McCartney, the local farm vet.

  • Go to ER - they have many strange things that some people do

  • I WOULD HAVE LIKED TO HAVE WATCHED THE PLEASURE PART

  • does it hurt😳😳😳😳😳😳😳

    • WTF WHO LIKED MY POST?

  • I would say use tweezers to pull the splinter out, if they stay in the skin they will fester and possibly get infected, really hard to say?

    • @psychoticanimaiiover Super glue is dangerous and can be another issue and it might not pull the splinter out but make the branch glued to the vagina

  • See a doctor.

  • This is a new one... I'd say go and see a doctor...

  • ouch, dude just buy a dildo 😂

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