How do you remove a splinter from inside your vagina?

Question

Like maybe you were using a tree branch to pleasure yourself, hypothetically.

razelove · Accepted Answer

Hmm, I'd start with hemostats, calling over someone you trust who has a steady hand, local anesthetic, and some booze. Not for pain or anything, just to not think about it.

An alternative would be to call someone you really don't like, but they like you, say you want to have slow sex with them, and just latch on like a tick, let that splinter get caught in their dick rather than your vagina, I mean, between the two, contest of wills type thing, I can wear out other women's bodies to claim supremacy in bed, but if we were an even match physically, the woman would win in a match of friction or chaffage.

Pussies are pretty goddamn durable, babies pass through, you can slap them, stretch them, pound them like you're practicing to be a human jackhammer, and 10 minutes later she's ready for more action... I'm not lol

Jean-Marie_Céline · Accepted Answer

A pair of pliers, a lighter, and lots of booze. Or maybe going to ER.

JuliaStyles · Answer

Tell the truth, you were really riding your broom stick and not a tree branch. Stick a torch up there and burn that sucker out! That super glue hack won't work and is more likely to pull your insides out, but you would get the splinter. Do you know this lady by chance?

A Walmart store in Cincinnati faced one the strangest shoplifting attempt in history Yesterday: a would-be thief lost consciousness while trying to insert a 7-foot tall plastic Christmas tree in her vaginal cavity.
According to the police report, 43-year old Wanda Brown took a 7.5-Ft Slim Yuletide Pine Christmas Tree with her inside the store’s restrooms with the intent of inserting it entirely in her body cavities and steal it.

Unfortunately for her, the pain caused by the insertion was too great and she lost consciousness before the end of the process.

She was found lying bloodied and senseless on the floor in the middle of the restroom by other customers who immediately decided to call 911.

Lucy Myers, one of the women who found Ms. Brown and called the paramedics, says she thought the woman had been the victim of an extremely savage aggression.

insatiable_curiosity · Answer

Don't worry, your body will naturally work it out. The vaginal mucosa is able to take quite a bit of punishment, but in such a hypothetical situation, a localized inflammatory response would lead to the splinter being coated and somewhat forced out in a short time without the need for a speculum, hemostat, or other implements. Typically, it's items such as old, forgotten tampons that tend to be found and removed in a clinical setting.

purplepoppy · Answer

Pop few woodworms up

Poppykate · Answer

Update! Lol 😂 Just don’t use Gorilla Glue! 🦍

summiter · Answer

I'm not a girl but if it were me I'd see my ob/gyn

TonyV · Answer

Ok grab a funnel, stick it in your vag, and poor some termites in there, they will eat that splinter for sure, then just get eaten out by an ant-eater. Dosent get much simpler than that lol

strawberrylipstick · Answer

lmao um.. tweezers?

EyebrowChewie · Answer

this makes me squint and feel weird.

0112358 · Answer

With my teeth.

Inexpensivefurniture · Answer

Jesus fuck, go to a doctor

frenchfriesnoketchup · Answer

That sounds awful i’d run to the ER

Gwenhwyfar · Answer

Make yourself cum using something other than a tree branch (maybe rubbing your clit). The lubrication when you gush will help the splinter slide right out.