Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health Maybe it's a dumb question but recently somethings bothering me and it's a downer most off the time.
I am quite conservative when it comes to dating and relationships. I believe in monogamous relationships, loyality and would think of my self as a person who would never be down for a ONS and hookups. I want sex only with love and want a traditional marriage with kids. I also think I am rather prudish. I don't like showing much skin in public, I think sex and showing affections in for the private home not the public. I also have a strong moral concious. I am very law abiding and you could say I am rather strict about breaking rules and such. So basically like I said I strongly believe in traditional and conservative values when it comes to sex and relationships but I have this other side inside me which is the exact opposite. I don't wanna go into details but all of my sexual fantasies are really dirty and go against everyone of my values and morals. I don't know maybe they are there because of repressed feelings but it's not like I hate my strict personality so I don't know why I would need an outlet.
Eather way it's making me feel miserable because I don't know who I am anymore and if my values are even worth anything if I can throw them out of the window when something sexual is involved. I also feel like I am betraying my morals and feel dirty after engaging my fantasies. I feel like being two faced and I hate that. I know some of you will think its just a fantasy no big deal, but I really think I am starting to get into an existencial crisis over this because I really don't know myself, my moral compass and my true believes anymore.
What can I do?
How can you cope with conflicting feelings regarding your values and sexual desire?
Anonymous
2 6
What Girls & Guys Said
14 48It's difficult, I understand. Yet it's gotten easier for me with age. The older I get the more I get that feeling of... "I just don't give a damn of what people think of me".
Sounds like you need a boyfriend. Or maybe have a porn addiction.
This question needs to replace the definition of "Catholicism" in the dictionary.
It's about religion for me it's my inner concious which is the problem.
I meant *not* about religion...
An inner conscience that was formed and reinforced by religion though right? Or at least religious parents?
No like I said, I am an atheist I don't care about religion at all. It's that I am a prude through and through (in my rational mind at least). I have always viewed sex as something you should keep hidden from the public eye since it is something meant to be done in private and I think should not be shared with anyone but your partner. Same goes for public nudity. I don't like wearing a swim suit in public eather because I think that it's not meant for the eyes of strangers.
Ok then
Living on morals and rules in life is something important everyone should have his limits his own beliefs and thoughts... no one can say this the right way to live everyone decides and plan his own life style! So don't be confused you kniw what you want very well you sre mature i suppose and responsible... you can be conservative strict yet enjoy your time with your chosen one without limits and boundaries i am nit talking about one night stands... i am saying this because if it is really always in yiur head those thoughts this can be very annoying you have to do something about it in a very private way with someone very special and close someone you like that someone csn be trustworthy and have feelings for you!
I am not here tell you what to do i am just telling you don't think this is nit serious the feelings you have consider it can be very annoying!
Well, my dear Anonymous, you're what we like to call "human". The important thing is to realize that what your body desires and what your mind can live with are two different things. You will have to learn that fantasy is ok, so long as it doesn't cross boundaries that reality can't handle. What you want doesn't make you a bad person, just more of a sexual person than you'd want to admit, but it's ok! You don't have to be that sexual person all the time. Save her for special occasions. Freak out your SO. But align your higher mind with your lower self or you'll be battling yourself unnecessarily and having an unsatisfactory sex life when the time comes. Good luck, Prudie! I love you
I think everyone is multi faceted you can't see yourself as just the conscious maybe even idealised version of yourself we all have different parts and sexuality is one. Probably you're turned on by those things exactly because it goes against everything you think is right. If it's that bad for you you can also go to therapy and talk about it with someone, but I wouldn't worry too much.
I fully understand and feel the same way. Follow me if you wanted to talk.
Ask yourself why do you have such a strict moral code regarding your sexuality. Then decide if that code is truly yours or is it one that has been forced on you. Then take the appropriate steps to ensure your moral code is yours. Listen to your heart not the retoric of others. Your inner voice is God's way of guiding you. Stay true to that and you will be ok. If after asking yourself those questions and you find that your moral code is unchanged then there is nothing wrong with getting nasty with the one you love. If some of 5hose things are so out there 5hat you find them disturbing it ok. We all have vile shit in our heads that we don't act on that's what separates us from the animals. Recognize and embrace your dark side and you will have nothing to fear from it. Ignore and deny it and it will raise it's ugly head and control you when you least expect it
You're expected to have self control. Just like everybody else.
Over time I was able to become ethically comfortable with my sexual desires.
of course it’s all theoretical since I’m in a sexless marriage. But anyway, it does depend on your desires to some level.
I can feel you. Its the same with me as well. My values and rules for myself always come in between my sexual desires. Sometimes i feel like i have to let loose at any cost and that my values will be thrown out any minute but they always win and the desires are left hanging.
So how does it make you feel? Probably sad because you have these unfulfilled desires and your values are holding you back? But if you engage you feel sad as well because you don't recognise the person you've become anymore. Thats how I see it.
Its more like you have a treasure box in front of you. You know it's wrong to open it and it would only make you happy for little time after that it can be bad but the urge to open that box gets stronger day by day. Do you ever feel like your morals will lose this battle just now?
Hard to say. I mean if I "practice" the acts I fantasise about with a consenting adult I am technically not doing anything illegal and therfore nobody wold care what I do. So the problem is much less with what society thinks of it but rather how my mind makes me feel about it. It may be totally alright to some people but to me I will feel about doing it even though it doesn't hurt anybody. In the end I would just need to justify my actions in front of myself and this is a big hurdle for me because I pride myself of my strict values.
This is the same with me.. I don't care what others think. It's just that I'm not allowing my own self to cross the line. There's always something morally negative in the back of my mind that stops me from acting my fantasies out even in the simplest of forms. I think we both are going through the same thing.
Its just your mind some people might naturally zone out and think of fighting but that doesn't mean they would actually do it.
Ok I don't want to be the odd man out so I'm just gonna put it out there you sound way hot and you should follow me message me and tell me all about then hook up. Just playing. Don't beat yourself up. A lot of what everyone is saying is true. As far as it's normal. In my world as long as you're not breaking the law (not counting some of the stupid ones that's non of the powers that be's business like oral sex, anal sex, and such being illegal in some parts of the US) or doing things against someone's will then do what feels good. Seriously who really wrote this book of moral rules. Even the Bible isn't the original version it's the version that the power that where decided to let the people have and I've read it and other than what's in the OLD testament which there's a new law covered by Jesus on the cross right and only thing I can think of that is an absolute no no is homosexuality it says to stone them to death. Really though does stoning them to death sound like something that really fits or some over opinionated big shot trying to force his views on others? What I'm saying is if you're a good person and don't force your fantasies onto someone without there consent then I would believe your not breaking any reasonable moral code. I hope I didn't offend anyone referencing the Bible and definitely wasn't trying to preach I'm nobody to judge anyone and neither is anyone else. Get your freak on
The fact that you are asking this question shows that your morals are well and alive in you! I would think that most of us- if not all- have dreams/fantasies that are not in line with our moralities. Better to get get them "out of your system" in a dream than to act upon them. That in my opinion is the critical part: the ideas will come, but, are you acting on them? IE- Alcoholics will still have thoughts about knocking back a few shots, but hopefully they will be successful in not giving in to the sinful behavior.
I'd like to know what desires you have that somehow conflict with your conservative morals. I'm curious why they conflict.
We all change we're never the same. I understand though, I went through that. Sometimes you need to figure out what you want and not feel guilty. If not stick with finding the guy you want. Just have fun and don't regret.
"There are more of us than you know" with the same thoughts. Both, guys and gals. You are not alone in this.
What's immoral about sex if it is done with a partner you really love? Sex and any sexual act are only immoral when physical and mental integrity is in danger.
That's a verryy common dilema. And it's about navigating that paradox, not necessarily finding a solution to fix to it. You might prefer submission during sex, which is a different activity altogether than for example making decisions around the house, where you might prefer to be equal or dominant. That's a normal, nuanced personality. Hypocrisy is more like hating liars and cheaters, but then you lie and cheat. And then not only that but you lie and cheat, but you go a step further to excuse your own lying and cheating. You ought to have an existential crisis over something like that, especially if you are hurting other people and/or yourself. But by itself, being a "sub" sexually while prefering equality and/or dominance in other areas of your life is common and seems harmless. You can just own it.
**"And then [it's worse when not only do you lie and cheat], but you go a step further and excuse... "**
I'm naughty. Getting Coal. I just end up giving in and cheating.