Is there such a thing of being TOO tight? 😩?

So I’m 19 and still a virgin. Not because I couldn’t get sex but because I wanted to save it for someone I felt was special. I have a boyfriend right now that I’m thinking of giving my v card to, but I’m really nervous. Setting aside all my insecurities and zero-experience, I’m really nervous about the whole penetration part.

First of all, I’m a petite girl. And when I masturbate, I tend to bleed sometimes. Even though it’s minimal, I hate it because it makes me feel so terrible about what sex will be like. I’d say I’m able to get in about 4 inch girth and even that feels tight to me. My boyfriend is a little above average and I’m dreading this! I know the vagina can stretch quite a bit, but I don’t think I’d be bleeding if that were my case. On top of that, I once tried masturbating every day for a week to see if my vagina would become more accustomed and it just doesn’t seem to work.

What do I do? Will my body adjust once it knows I’m sexually active? Is this something I’ll need medical help with? I want to experience sex but I’m scared I’m just one of those rare girls who are too tight and would even find sex painful. I’m stuck. If anyone could help give me a little insight, I’d really appreciate it. Girls who were tight and guys who have tight partners: what did you do? What were your experiences like? Please help, I feel terrible about this 😣
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I would make damn sure that this guy knows what no and stop mean.

    Im not telling you if you think he is sweet and kind and whatever other bullshit show some aniaml is giving you to get inside you.

    What Im telling you is, make damn sure this guy deals with being told no, being rejection and generally not getting his way well.

    You should look for how he handles these things outside of sex.

    How is he with others and other situations?

    I dont want to worry you as you already have worries but personally I am very turned on by the thought of a tight young girl for whom penetration is painful, not that I am an awful person but because my understanding is that for at least some if not many the pain is a good pain but also because it is ego stroking for me, it makes me feel big and powerful which are important sexual triggers to me and I dont think i am wrong to say men generally.

    But there is a world of difference between enjoyable painful sex with consent and intital consent that becomes rape because the guy you are with only cares about what he is experiencing.

    Vaginas are made to have babies come out of them, all dicks will fit but lube, patience, care, relaxation, etc could be requirements in some cases.

    4 inch girth is not much, quite a lot below average i would think.

    You should become more accomodating with arousal.

    • No I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. He 110% understands what “no” means. He’s been understanding with me since day one. I trust him, but it still doesn’t take away from the fact that I’m nervous. I hope it turns out better than I’m making it out to be. 4 inch girth isn’t much at all, but im just playing it safe with myself since I don’t want to seriously rip anything in there. And yes, I can see how lube+relaxing are definitely the ways to go here. I have no issues in the arousal department hah 😅

  • Without directly answering your question, the most important thing you can do is to not worry about it.

    I know, that probably sounds stupid, but if you're nervous/scared, you will tense up, and whether you're too tight, or not, that will make things more difficult. The best thing you can do is relax your body, which will make penetration not only easier, but less painful.

    A lot of girls will say that the first time hurts, but it doesn't have to. If you are relaxed, aroused, and the guy takes things slowly/gently, you will be fine. It's mostly inexperience that makes it hurt.

    A penis is tapered, slightly, in that the tip is smaller, and gradually widens towards where the head meets the shaft. Between that, and your natural lubrication (hence why you need to be aroused), it'll slide it much easier than you'd think. Just make sure he doesn't just cram it in, in a hurry.

    Take your time, and you'll be fine. Personally, I am quite large, especially in my girth, and I have been with very petite, very tight women. I don't say that to brag, but to emphasize that I've been in that situation, so I do have some experience with making it easier.

    • So slow and steady wins the race? You’re probably right and maybe it’ll turn out to be a lot better than I’m imagining, but ugh... still. I can’t help worrying about it. I trust my boyfriend though, so I hope you’re right on every point you made. What happens after we’ve had sex a handful of times? Will my tightness always be an issue, or will it get easier?

    • Well, yes and no. Having sex doesn't make you "looser" or anything, but you'll get more used to it, over time. Once you get past the first couple, you'll get much better at relaxing naturally. Penetration will become easier, despite your tightness remaining the same, and your boyfriend will be more in tune to your reactions, so he'll know when to slow down.

    • Oh I sure hope so 😩 thank you so much for your insight

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Most Helpful Girls

  • 1. Vagina shouldn't bleed during fingering, most likely you scratched yourself

    2. You are not relaxed enough, the vagina can stretch. My husband has fisted me and no it didn't stay that way it went down.

    3. You need to be very lubricated naturally, lube will only help with width not length. The cervix moves higher to allow deep penetration. Certain positions like missionary are not deeply penetrative so start with that.

    4. You can be turned on and not naturally lubricated. Happened to me many times. In this instance I ask for oral sex or use saliva. You can use lube be careful of hyper sensitivity issues if you are allergic to things.

    5. Research into what methods of contraception you will use and what types of std measures you will take. E. g. I am allergic to condoms and the spermicide in it. I can't also take contraceptive pills.

    6. Be open and not scared of your body to experiment. And no means no. :-)

    • Thanks for MHO :-)

  • Different people experience different things but if it’s any comfort at all my first time only hurt a tiny bit. Like mosquito bite level. So don’t stress too much. Just tell the boyf how you feel. He’s obviously not going to do anything that hurts y. Like as soon as you say ouch or anything he’ll back off. Also sex between two people isn’t usually great right off the bat because you have to learn what the other person likes. Only people with tons of experience already can do that very quickly. So just look at it as an experimental thing and don’t put any pressure on yourself to be any sort of way. Do whatever works and don’t do whatever doesn’t.

    • That is very sound advice! I trust my boyfriend. Obviously, if not I wouldn’t be thinking about it lol i feel like he may be much more understanding than I’m anticipating but I can’t help but stress it! He isn’t far behind me in how experienced he is either so it should be a nice experience for the both of us and really give us room to experiment as you said and to grow... hopefully 😅

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Most likely, it will hurt the first few times. Make sure you do a lot of foreplay so you are really wet.

    My experience was that I only had one guy who I was too tight for. He had sex with me like 8-10 times and it was kind of enjoyable but it hurt too. Other than that, after the first few times I have been okay as long as I was wet enough.

    • That’s a little relieving to hear! Thanks a lot! Any tips for approaching my boyfriend with this concern? I’m nervous to even mention it

    • Just say what you posted here. I think if you want to have sex with him, then you should be okay with talking to him about sex too!

    • Very good point. I just over-analyze everything lol

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  • There is, it's called vaginismus. It's the condition where the vagina clenches up due to emotional stress (such as nerves about having sex), can also happen when the girl doesn't even realise that she's stressed. In this case, having sex is impossible or painful.
    Treatment consists of therapy and relaxation exercises.

    • Oh... I did not know this

    • That is when using a vibrator might help relax one through the process

    • I don’t own one... yet lol @sejla

  • Never had the bleeding from masturbation issue, but there is such a thing unfortunately.
    The guy I’m currently seeing is way too big for me, but thankfully a little thing called lube was invented. And even though the lube helps A LOT, sex is still painful sometimes. But you just have to take it slow until you get comfortable.

    • So how do you deal with it besides lube? Is it something your vagina gets accustomed through as the session goes on, or does it stay the same pretty much the whole way through? Bc even if we start off kinda rocky, I wouldn’t want to end it that way; I’d hope it will get better lol

    • I never fully get used to it. I always feel a small amount of pain at the start but it doesn’t last for long, so nothing to worry about. I suppose it also depends on how often you have sex. I assume you’d get used to it if it’s nearly daily.

    • I’m sure you’re right and that I’m just over thinking it. The first time I’m sure is always kinda scary though lol thank you so much!

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  • If you bleed to the point where it is noticing when you masterbate, you should probably see a gynecologist...😕.

    • Really? It’s not a lot and only happens sometimes 😬

    • I don't know... but I would definitely check with a professional. Maybe call one?

    • I will definitely look into it

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  • As for your initial question, yes your body will adjust but not because it "knows you are sexually active" but rather because you are relaxed and comfortable with your partner. I am a bit concerned though. You shouldn't be bleeding every time you masturbate. I would talk to your gyno about that.

    • I didn’t say every time. Only sometimes

    • still, this shouldn't be happening

    • I read that minor bleeding here and there is normal

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  • Yes, there is.
    It can be painful if he's particularly hung, especially when he's in a rush to get in.
    However, we are all as we are. Just be thankful it doesn't sound like someone blowing on moonshine jug when you walk.

    • Haha that’s a funny way of putting it. He a little over the average so I’m hoping it shouldn’t be a total disappointment

  • I'm not sure! Perhaps your hymen is sensitive? Do you still have it? Perhaps, if you lose it, She'll stop bleeding? I hope all goes well!

    • Thats possible. I’ve never given that much thought after my first few times of bleeding. I figured it probably was. I’m not sure to be honest

    • Neither am I... However, perhaps the internet can help? I'm sure that some Girls have the same thing, and have updates, and solutions! Good luck!

    • Very true! Thank you for your insight

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  • You could be tight cause simply your too shy , scared of sex , afraid of certain things,
    maybe your afraid of pregnancy could result. My suggestion you could try is teasing
    yourself when you masturbate. Do not actually go inside , rub the outside of your
    vagina than slowly rub the inside but don't go in. Maybe get a mirror and look at
    yourself while you do , see what it looks like. You may need to do more sexy things
    to get yourself going. Teasing yourself and not going inside the vagina will help lot
    do not penetrate yourself lightly rub yourself and think of things that make you horny
    just like another user said, blood flow does increase to the vaginal area when your
    sexually aroused but try some teasing and do the same with your boyfriend also
    may want suggest it to him, get mirror look inside and see what's going on inside
    down there don't be afraid. Best Wishes :)

    • I feel a big part of it is because I’m nervous, so I “tighten up” so to speak. So you’re probably right. I guess extra foreplay would help offset that a bit

    • Yes i agree. Hope this helps you

    • Yes it definitely does! Thank you, I appreciate it 🙌🏼

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  • The first couple of times you have sex you will bleed, there is no way around it. Lube helps a lot, it anything he won't be able to get it all in but he will be able to get some of it in

    • That’s what I was afraid of hearing 😩 I don’t want to be so delicate or finicky. Ok so after the first few times, what then? Will my tightness always be an issue?

    • You will loosen up enough for sex to be comfortable

    • So this is something my body will get used to?

  • Make sure you are horny first (the vagina will expand to accommodate objects when you are horny) buy a dildo or get a cucumber at the grocery they come in many sizes wash it first and take your time with putting it in. You must be wet and aroused first use lube if you need it.

    • Yes, I do own a dildo. I didn’t mention that in my initial question. Sorry about that

    • Ok lol 😂 if you keep having no luck putting stuff in see a gyno for the answer 😘

    • I think I over analyze it and just tense up easily 😩 I might look into seeing one though

  • ... No.

    • No? 🤔

    • Correct. No.

    • Lol well thank you?

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  • Best advice? Talk to your doctor or OB/GYN, they can let you know if you HAVE a problem or reasure you about the situation if you don't.

    As to the event. go slow, have yourself control the penetration/depth so you can limit it if it's too much (girl on top/cowgirl)
    If he's not willing to be patient and gentle then he's not likely to be a good partner.
    And don't put pressure on yourself, it's not about getting to penetration, it's about having fun and enjoying yourself, if it is too much, go with some oral/mutual masturbation, other fun. Take the pressure off.
    If you like this guy and trust me, test that, talk to him about it, how he handles that will tell you a lot about how he feels about you and what he might be like moving foward.

    • Yes thankfully he’s a really sweet guy. Super patient. Very understanding. I don’t really know how to bring up the subject though. I get shy about conversations like that, especially being a fear of mine. I really hope it’ll work out better than I’m making it out to be

    • There is a good chance it will work out better than your fears. That said, being able to talk about things is critical in a relationship. In this case, don't do it in the bedroom, that will add a lot of pressure to the discussion. Pick a time where you have some time, make or buy some coffee or whatever the two of you like to share and have a chat. Glad to hear he seems to be a decent guy, that most likely means he'll be receptive and helpful in such a conversation.

    • That is really sound advice! Thank you so much, I really appreciate it 🙌🏼

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  • Kinda. I dated a girl forever that was like a chore to get in. It was fine. I’d eat her out etc. Work it in. No complaints. One of the girls I dated since was pretty loose. That was kinda nice after someone so tight forever.

  • It did happen that i could not penetrate my girlfriend, not even the head of my dick... she can be really tight lol

    • So what did you guys end up doing to make things work better?

    • She sucked me to get herself ultra wet ;)

  • no that is good

    • How so? I’m really nervous about it bc I feel like I’m too tight

    • nope, guys love it when women are extremely tight. now because your a virgin your first time will probably hurt, maybe a few times after that. i dont really know because i am not a female and i have read that your first time is painful for some women

    • “Extremely tight”? That seems a little too much 😟

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  • When you are sexually aroused and soaking wet, blood is rushing to your vagina swelling it to accommodate a cock.

  • If i were you, i'd first try to be 100% sure he was the one to give it to, then talk a lot with him about it. Say that you're scared and all that so he knows to take it careful, then use a LOT of time on foreplay, to get you wet, and then start really really slowly and then go forward from there. Also tell him that if you start bleeding it shouldn't be a problem.

    • I feel like he’d be a lot more understanding than I think but its still kind of scary lol I don't know. Finding a way to talk about it is a little hard. Thank you for the tips, foreplay is definitely something we’re good at (my boyfriend enjoys a lot of foreplay but nothing has escalated to sex after that yet)

  • Hey, first of, don't get soo stressed up.
    And its a good thing u waited. I'm an old fashioned guy when it comes to sex and I kinda wanna have it after the girl is completely mine. It kind of makes it more special.
    And speaking about your bleeding problem, which isn't a problem at all. It's a basic human thing. I'm sure every girl bleeds the first time. Don't feel so bad about it. On the contrary that guy should be lucky to have ur virginity.
    First times are memorable, but u both gotta work together. So don't stress yourself much.
    All the best😊

    • I can’t help it, stress is my middle name lol but yeah I’ll try my best not to. I’m just afraid I won't be able to enjoy it. Neither would he

    • Good. Its a team work dude. U aren't supposed to handle it alone. And don't worry, you will do great 😊

    • Thank you!

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  • Get some dildos and and experiment with stretching your pussy out.

    • I do! That’s what I meant. I didn’t specify that in my question bc I thought it was obvious. Sorry about that 😣

    • No problem. Just keep at it. It will stretch out.

    • Well I tried everyday for a week and nothing. It just bounces back. I don't know if that’s normal or if im too tight 😕

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  • Unless he's literally too big for you, you should be fine. The vagina stretches during sex and then shrinks again. I guess the only way to test it would be to use a vibrator that is not small prior to having sex. If you do decide to go ahead and have sex just have him be gentle the first time and have some basic KY lubricant if it's needed on hand. You can get condoms with lubricant on them too.
    Like someone else said a visit to the obgyn before you do anything might ease your mind.

    • I have yet to buy a vibrator. Never knew that helped ease things up. Lubricant is definitely a must! Haha thanks for the insight, i appreciate it

    • I haven't had sex for 5 years after my divorce and with aging stuff starts changing. I asked the nurse if things could start closing up because my cervix closed up. Didn't know that was part of aging. She told me it shouldn't be a problem with the entry since I've used a vibrator.

    • Wow that’s interesting. I really had no idea! Guess I should start shopping around for some good ones soon

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