My wife caught me watching porn and made it a big deal. What to do?

[sheperd]

Recently she is very busy and doesn't want to do it and I respect that but I have some needs so I thought I can have some fun. And she caught me watching it. I explained it to her she said that is okay at first. But after time passed she made it a big deal she keeps asking questions about what kind of styles I watch, is she enough for me, and sometimes she acts like I betrayed her. Actually I don't it regularly I just needed something to relax. She seems like she doesn't accept that. How to overcome this situation?

[SomothErgai]

That's a tough one man. My ex wife used to have a huge issue with me watching porn as well, despite the fact that she was almost never in the mood. And she would give me the whole, "am I not enough for you" spiel too. And to be honest with you man, and I think you know this already deep down, the answer is no. she's not enough. obviously. If your balls were getting drained at a satisfactory rate there not only wouldn't be a need for it, you wouldn't even be capable of doing it.

That is a HARD fucking pill to swallow. for both of you. But it's the truth. You want more than you're being given and there's nothing wrong with that. Your body and brain are set up in a way to have a certain level of sex drive. and that level isn't being met. If you have this conversation with her. which I think you should, you're going to have to decide if you want to tell her the truth. That no, actually, you need more. Or lie to her and tell her you're happy with things the way they are.

both of those options are going to probably cause a fight somewhere down the line. and that shit sucks man. it really does. the thing she is going to need to think about though is, what is it she's actually mad about? you didn't cheat. you were merely entertained by actors.

Is it that she wants to be your sole source of entertainment? She'll say no of course. So then is it that she want's to be your sole source of pleasure? it'll feel weird for her to answer that honestly because she will already be starting to see why that's kind of shitty.

So, if she wants to be "the place you get your pleasure from" and she's not providing it. Doesn't that kind of seem like she just doesn't want you to have pleasure? It has to. She doesn't want you getting it anywhere else. and she's not giving it to you. so... what else can that possibly mean other than she wants you to be sexually miserable.

She will realize, whether she admits it or not, that, that's an incredibly shitty way to treat someone and maybe, just maybe, if you're lucky, she'll either step up her pleasure game significantly, or she'll at least chill out about the porn. either one would be a reasonable rational response.

But if my ex taught me anything. Hoping for a reasonable rational response is... well, not going to work out so much.

[genericname85]

so the thing is that your girlfriend probably took a big hit to her ego. cause in her mind, she should be "enough" for you and seeing you watch porn, she now feels she's not enough for you. since she feels bad about that, now she tries to gaslight you into feeling what do isn't ok instead of addressing her own feelings and check if they are usefull and appropriate first. i'm not saying she's a bad person, women just do that naturally. they can often not see that they have the problem and go straight to blame mode. they make others responsible for regulating their emotions instead of regulaing them themself and as a good partner, you should try your best to help her with that.

so you have to take these 2 things apart. your girlfriend feels bad and that needs to be adressed for sure. but at the same time what you do (watching porn) is totally ok and not at all cheating.

just take your time and talk about these things with your partner.

here's a good argument that will probably help you a bunch: males that occasionally watch porn and get off to it actually have sex with their partner more often than if they didn't watch porn. so your girlfriend actually profits from you doing that.

i think you should try to figure out if she wants more sex and is sexually frustrated. that would also need to be adressed.

[genericname85]

tl;dr: you gotta make her feel like she's "enough" for you bro.

[Dinklex3]

Hmm..

I have a friend that haaatess when her partners watched porn because of her insecurities. She was always super insecure about her husband’s ex who was skinny, blonde hair, blue eyes. She’s the complete opposite Filipino and thick. She felt like he didn’t really find her beautiful if he was jacking off to women who looked like the complete opposite of her and didn’t care for her videos or pics. Which is fair. So that’s probably why she’s asking about style. She still resents him for it and it’s been over 5 years since then.

About her changing her mind, she could have mentioned it to a friend and her friend could’ve told her how disrespectful she thinks it is or something 🤷‍♀️

Ideally I think you his silence talked about your stances on porn beforehand. I think the only thing you can really do now is pick her brain and address her concerns. You said you did it because she was busy, so tell her that. Maybe ask her for her photos or videos instead?

[Koneko911]

Honestly tell her to grow the fuck up. If you aren't gonna have sex with your partner everytime they want (even of they have a ridiculous sex drive) then let them go jerk it to porn. Women gotta fucking stop with this whining about men watching porn crap. Grow up it's porn, he's not cheating on your crazy ass

[JacobJordan]

Facts but also she could just be intimate with him and that would solve the whole problem. It is literally in her hands or I guess legs whether or not he does that

[Koneko911]

@JacobJordan shit I feel like you can fuck your partner 5 times a day and if they still wanna watch porn and masturbate it ain't a big fucking deal. Let them go enjoy me time

[JacobJordan]

I doubt most guys would have enough energy left in the tank after that lol

[MrNameless]

Sad that there are women out there that say porn is "cheating" because they aren't comfortable. Even if its breaking boundaries, it's not cheating.

[Koneko911]

@MrNameless I don't even think it's breaking boundaries. You aren't fucking someone. You're watching people have sex, you aren't involved. It's literally just a visual for masturbating boohoo

[mattthefatbat]

I had a previous girlfriend that was a little bit like this, she was like "why watch porn when I'm right here?" Which not gonna lie is quite hot, but she is your wife after all so I would assume she probably would prefer if you relieved your thoughts to her whether it be in communication or other ways

[V_Injector]

I'm the wrong guy to ask... because I ask chicks to come over to Netflix and chill... and then I just put on porn and start cutting the lines of cocaine.

She don't love me, she just loves my doggy style.

[SlutSaverVulture]

So this influencer is frozen... I should be tagging @d_bone_steak now.

[SlutSaverVulture]

@v_injector finally unfrozen?

[ThrobbingMeat]

@d_bone_steak @_pig_droppings_ look at that lowest pink anon Ever have an embarrassing gym moment? If so, what happened and how did it turn out? ↗

It's the former uber janitor nikki... month or two ago lost the janny badge. No wonder reporting alsmot doesn't happen anymore.

That fat cunt hates gym goers. What do we reply there?

[V_Injector]

@ThrobbingMeat Unfrozen... yes... this must've been recent.

[ThrobbingMeat]

@v_injector you're the 5th most helpful guy in the past 7 days www.girlsaskguys.com/xper?xt=mho&f=seven-days but pig droppings for 30 days

[ThrobbingMeat]

Oliverlogan would be 99% mho by now if not roosterbreast, cousin stacey and bokbslayer.

[V_Injector]

@ThrobbingMeat It's crazy how I can come back from being frozen and then find out I'm on a list for being helpful. Meanwhile, I'm just trying to figure out if I got banned from here or that other post where I declared I wanted to pee on everybody. I got to find that post about the pee pee so that I can pitch my "streaming service."

[V_Injector]

@ThrobbingMeat Interesting stuff looking at my -7 points... it seems I pretty much get the -7 points when I rag on Biden. Oh the pee pee poo poo dog sex stuff is fine, but don't pick on that old man. Definitely a left-leaning audience here.

[D_Bone_Steak]

@ThrobbingMeat V_ Injector seemes to have the account banned forever. Bunch of faggots wanted to get mad because he took both positionions on the abortion debeate. You shouldn't kill babies, but kill those babies.

[molonski2]

I'd buy her some hot lingerie and a giant dildo , and tell her this is the part you want her to play while you slap her arse , if she does not want to partake she needs to reconsider why she is possibly in this relationship.

[LazerBean]

Tbh she is just going to have to deal with it. If she didn't want a man who watched porn, she should have figured that out before marrying you.

[MasterKS]

@lazerbean point to be noted.

[Apple1996]

You should respect her more, stop watching it and apologize. Porn ruins lots of relationships. It's not worth losing your marriage over or even just making her feel that way.

It was discussed early on in my relationship that porn is a no go for my husband. If he watched it I would feel worse then if he physically cheated on me

[Apple1996]

by the way never say you have "needs" that is disgusting considering that getting off is simply a want. If my husband dare ever said that shit I'd go crazy

[vicphilips]

Will you look at my messages? 😡

[Apple1996]

@vicphilips sure

[sawno]

I respect you being so up front to your man about it, but the part I don't get is how you consider it worse than physical cheating. Isn't physical cheating way more intimate?

[Apple1996]

@sawno because at least he'd be cheating with a real girl. Not with something that's unrealistic and faked.

[sawno]

I thought its usually the opposite, the more real the more objectionable, to the point where some don't want their guy to watch porn unless its hentai or AI generated. Makes me curious though, lets say your guy has needs you can't always fulfill and he needs a visual to fulfill his needs. Would you object to home recordings for your lover he can then use instead? Or are you so against anything pornographic on principle that you'd never want to make that for him?

[Apple1996]

@sawno nah I can't compete with fakeness. A real girl I know I can be better than her lol And yes he has vids and pics of us and we also cam if he's gone. That stuff is fine but I wouldn't want him using it if I'm available or can get to him later that day. He should be able to wait

[sawno]

Ah I see, but that does still bring an interesting twist on the anime part. Its awesome that you provide your guy with a fantastic alternative, and I completely agree. If sex can happen masturbation is off-limits. Personally in a relationship if she wasn't around much for some reason i'd want either one, homemade or third party as long as there is something to help me if she's not there. Up to the girl what she's comfortable with, I don't want to force either option on her.

[Apple1996]

@sawno that is good you'd do whatever she is comfortable with. And also I think if someone is so desperate for a visual to get off to or get turned on that they aren't acutally horny. Or they have no imagination.

[sawno]

Closer to the last one, my primary kink relies heavily on unpredictability since I am into intense teasing. Unknown visuals work best, known visuals still work since its hot but do get old if viewed to often. But when I imagine I already know what happens next, the reactions aren't genuine if I imagine teasing her, the anticipating isn't there if I imagine her teasing me.

[Apple1996]

@sawno still if someone is so horny they wouldn't even have to turn to a visual. They are forcing themselves to be horny at that point if they do need visuals

[Apple1996]

@sawno porn tends to kill off a person's imagination. That's why it becomes addicting

[RebelinSteel]

Just tell her that her sister does not mind watching it with you, sorted

[normalice]

Girls tend to think the reason men watch porn is because the women are more attractive in some way and so get insecure about that. Women don't seem to be able to comprehend that the best feature porn has to offer is that it is convenient. No waiting or seducing needed. Just turn it on.

[EmmaMary]

She might actually be cheating and getting it from someone else.

[genericname85]

that could actually be the case, i agree with you there. however i would rather go with the assumption first that she realizes she can't offer him sex as often cause she's busy and now she feels she may not be enough for him anymore. because if that is the case, you can actually fix it. if she's cheating, that relationship went down the drain. so i think it's best to assume the worst last.

[EmmaMary]

@genericname85 But what exactly is she so "busy" doing!

[genericname85]

well the point is: i don't know that right? you don't "know" either. does "i don't know" warrant the worst possible assumption? not in my mind.

[EmmaMary]

@genericname85 Possible, possibly not... I guess we'll never know!

[genericname85]

yeah. i think generally in life you'll be happier if you look for the least bad explaination first, instead of the very worst one xD but to each their own

[MsBubba]

Anyone who say they don’t watch porn is lying.

[sawno]

Alright, so let's address the fundamental problem first. Your girl was not honest with you, she minds you watching it A LOT. She didn't admit that since she was probably fearing it may cause issues between you two if she didn't allow you. But trust me, she is more hurt than you imagined she would be when you were watching it and does feel betrayed deep down.

What to do? Validate her because you made her insecure. Do something special sexually to show her you want her and only her. That she matters to you, and that she turns you on incredibly. But also be honest, if she asks why you watch what you watch then just tell her. But do so in a way that lets her understand that it never got in between you two and that you prefer her over whatever you watch.

And in the future I recommend stopping with porn altogether, or if you are the kind of guy who needs content sometimes because she's not around propose to make your own private video you can jerk off to instead.

[ApplePie409]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8taP-ELKIzI

Next time, let her hold the remote control. LOL
There's a classic line in the movie "Clear and Present Danger." The president is trying to dissociate himself from a bad person from his past. Harrison Ford tells the president that he's going about this in the wrong way. Harrison brilliantly advises the president to say he was NOT friends with the bad person. He was BEST FRIENDS with the bad person. The president said that to the reporters, and they had no story.

[Create21]

Talk to her about it. Ask her to watch some with you and see what she thinks.

[Bricealan]

Well, like any red blooded, macho man would do... beat her up and then throw her down the stairs! What else? Next question?

[RealMarek]

An ideal situation would be to cut back on the porn use and for you and her to “meet in the middle” when it comes to the frequency of sex.

[JacobJordan]

If she wants to make it a big deal then she can always be intimate and then you won't have to

[dreamstar72]

Tell you are learning better ways to please her

[David94358]

Tell her it's 100% up to her actions on if and how much porn you watch. Plan A is you are fucking her.. if she shuts down plan A then she can't get upset you moved onto plan B and took care of your own needs yourself

[Sophia001]

I think she isn't interested in doing it with u

[MrNameless]

she sure as hell doesn't want him doing it with porn lol

[Nikki1989]

She needs a new man, obviously.

[David94358]

More like he needs a new woman, I mean she stops having sex with him and then is shocked he takes care of his needs himself? And then gets upset about it? Crazy

[DrPepper12]

Why?

[TheSpaceGnome]

Watching porn isn't a problem.

[Akam93]

Get a divorce