Sexual Relationships
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Should I care that my best friends sleeps around alot?

she gets heart broken and sad when she meets a guy and sleeps with him too early and they dont reply.. but she does it all the time and always goes home with a different guy. i tell her to have standards because she a beautiful girl etc and to be careful. then she started crying last night because she thought i was judging her when really i was trying to be a good friend. should i not say anything from now on? i just dont like seeing her get hurt. a lot of guys like her but only for her body. i want her to find the right guy who doesn't want to use her for the night. also she's pretty lonely henced why she does that. im not slut shaming but it does get out of hand sometimes.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • What you did was exactly what a real friend would do, you care. Another point you haven't made is that most guys who want a genuine, loving, intimate relationship won't see her as suitable no matter how attractive she is, if they know and understand her promiscuous past, how she has allowed herself to be viewed as disposable by the way she behaves. How do I know this? I was exactly like your friend, exactly like her, and I know that situation inside out. I loved sex and still do, nothing wrong with that. But being so blatant about finding and having it with numerous partners also showed how cruel they treated me afterwards. People viewed me as disposable, even the nice ones who you think won't, they do! You need to show more tough love girl, in her interests

  • Sounds exactly the way I used to be and my best friend used to worry about me, but you know what it's something I had to realize and change on my own.

    If you curious, the reason why I did it was because my self esteem was so damaged, plus I had developed a very needy attitude. But if I was giving myself advice, so many years ago, I would probably just want someone to have been there for me. To pick me up when I was down and make me realize that I was worth so much more.

    But at the end of the day it comes down to self esteem, like I said before. And self awareness is also a good thing to have, which many people lack.

    • she does have family issues and self esteem issues.. i wish i could help her. i am there for her though but i can't change her

  • So basically if we're being honest - and even though we don't want to slut shame anyone, especially on this site - she's acting slutty. As a friend, you've to worry and tell her your opinion but the thing is, apart from pointing out that this route might not be the thing she desires for herself and that it will shape her character, that isn't much you can do.
    You cannot give standards to those who don't have them to begin with... I don't know her, but from what you wrote, she seems to already be in a spiral and soon will be a bit late to say 'it was a mistake, I've learned my lesson'. If it isn't already.

  • I have a friend like that. The only you can do is provide support or distance yourself a bit. If you hurt when she hurts and she's constantly doing it to herself then find a few ways to cheer her up and do it.

    I also set boundaries for her. I hang put with her more and try to introduce her to new people that WON'T sleep with her.

    it's hard but she bad to realize it HERSLEF that she is more than her body.

Most Helpful Guys

  • It sounds like your friend is in a vicious cycle; she gets heart broken - she seeks male company to feel better - guy has fun and doesn't call back - she gets heart broken - she seeks male company to feel better... and so it continues. She isn't a slut, she just needs to figure out that instant gratification often leads to long term dissatisfaction. Don't feel like you're a bad friend by mentioning this to her, you're not slut shaming and just let her know you'll always be there for her.

    • Thanks for the MHO.

  • Her problem is that she probably complains about all these guys sleeping with her once and not seeing her again which is a massive turnoff. No guy wants to listen to a girls barrage of emotional sob stories. So they just have sex with her and get a relationship with a decent girl who has value beyond her looks.

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What Girls & Guys Said

7 15

  • I don't think there's anything wrong with it for some people, but it seems like it's not making your friend happy. But now that she's reacted badly to your advice, I wouldn't give any more advice unless asked.

  • I have the same type of friend, you just have to let her realise on her own how her actions will affect her in the future. Sleeping around will make it harder for her to get a relationship with someone trustworthy.

    • Has this ever happened to you in your life?

  • i think you can care but ultimately she has to make decisions for herself so for how much you intervene you may want to step back. it is a tough situation because you want the best for her and i imagine you have to hear a lot of her grievances over the relationship issues.

    perhaps try to tell her about the difference between good guys and guys who will just use her and how she can go about finding these guys.

  • Tell he that you are not judging her but only that you care about her. I hope she is using birth control?

  • I've always said hookup culture is detrimental to women...

    • Men too

    • I believe it's more detrimental to women. For biological reasons

  • Well you should but it's really not your problem. This is her problem and her problem only.

    Also being lonely is not really an excuse for slutting around to be honest. I think there's more going on there than just loneliness

  • You are being a good friend. I like your screen name.

  • yes it shows that you love her. I love that you asked this because that in itself shows the amount of love and respect you have do your friend. I think you should have a long heart to heart with her and try to understand why she does this.

  • Be A Good Friend & Open Her Eyes 4 Her.

  • Is your name a reference to runescape?

  • Your best briend is an emotional and impulsive mess. Nothing you can do there. Especailly if she gets overly defensive (aka crying) by you showing concern.

    People can only change themselves, but not be changed.

  • she's going to have to realize what she's doing no matter what you say it's not going to help her it's like a drug addict going to rehab if they don't want help don't matter how many times they go they going to come back and do the same thing they have to make up their mind to do what they're going to do

  • Yeah, if she's doing out of dysfunction, that's bad for her.

  • You should care only to the extent that guys might think you sleep around as well. That and if you get tired of hearing her sob stories.

  • Advise her as best as you can but don't let their issues fuck with you too much

  • why would you care?

  • All of you young people with little life experience, boys get off your high horse most of you would sleep with her and not think twice. Everyone is different I would bet she really enjoys the exhilaration of someone new, I doubt she expects a call back most of the time. Trying to control someone will just make someone hide their behavior from you, accept them or let them go you won't change them.

  • I think ur friend needs to stop and just date a guy and go on maybe 3 dates then if he is still around maybe then

    • right but they buy her drinks and she can't control herself and does it. she's the type that finds it hard to say no if they are nice

    • Ye I see but that's why they buy drinks cause that's what works

    • I think if she had a decent lad looking out for her and stay with her she would see the difference

  • You can't make a nice girl from a whore. Nobody ever could

  • You've just summed up why I will never marry... but to keep things on topic. There is no point telling your friend anything, she will simply find you insulting, get more defensive, and even try to use her behavior to gain attention from you.

    The better question is ''should I be spending time with someone that is destroying their health and life, and how does that effect me?''

    Each of us absorbs what ever energy we get from the people we spend time with... be careful what you absorb...

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