Sexual Relationships
1 y

When is it OK to withdraw consent for sex?

I'm keeping gender out of this.

You have one group that says you can't withdraw consent once given. I get where they are coming from but it's simply wrong. You have one group that says you can withdraw consent at any time. Which I agree with, then you have this other group that says you can withdraw consent at any time even 10 years later after the fact. Which is correct until you mention after the fact. In my opinion you cannot consent to sex, have sex, and later, after its done, a day, a week, a year or a decade later decide you regret it and call it rape..
Updates:
1 y
To that odd guy, if your intent on my questions is to insult me or call me a rapist, rather than offer a sincere and logical response, I don't want you commenting on my questions, your comment has been removed for that reason. Do better.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • It’s okay to withdraw consent from sex anytime before and during sex. It’s also okay to regret it, but it is not considered rape if you regret it afterwards, that is considered a mistake. Rape is something that went against your consent. If someone says “I didn’t want to have sex” right after having sex, it’s just confusing, misleading, and wrong. Why not say anything before and during if you didn’t want to have sex? I can understand if it might be difficult to say it if you genuinely didn’t want to have sex, but there’s a definitive line between rape and regret…


    I could keep going on about consent, but I will try to keep it short and informative. There’s also intoxication which is a very common situation when it comes to rape/regret. When someone is intoxicated, they have poor judgement and decision making skills. Someone intoxicated could say “yes” and continue consenting before and during sex, but that is the issue… They’re intoxicated and likely won’t consent after they sober up, or remember at all… Thus, causing some issues with the concept of rape or regret. The other or both parties should be responsible and/or understand that when someone is intoxicated, they should not continue with the act, even if the other or both parities consented, because they lack the judgement and decision making skills as they would if they were sober. This is a situation where it’s a blurry line, because some states do say that it is rape, if one party is impaired while the other acknowledges that and continues. However, some states say that two consenting but intoxicated adults, is not rape.

    • Good response. When did you make mod? Congrats on that.

    • I think I got regular mod status in March, but I got Uber mod yesterday. Thanks!

    • Nice!!!

  • That IS the salient point. But there is this addendum.

    Many women are in denial about being raped. This is a problem. So, it might TAKE them years to REALIZE they were raped. Young and ignorant men think when they hear "No," it's a tease and will continue on to have sex. "She wants it, but she has to 'say' No." And eventually the woman will give up when it appears sex is unavoidable. This is rape.

    What the women truly "regret" is not REALIZING what constitutes rape. It's forced sex. This doesn't mean the man beat up the woman. It usually means he didn't stop when she said no, or pushed him away, or tried to get away from the situation.

    Husbands can rape wives. Boyfriends boyfriends or girlfriends. But the lines are MUDDY, which is the entire problem.

    Why did it take so long for all those women to come. out against Cosby? Because he was a man with power and money and they were frightened they wouldn't be believed. America's Dad? And they were at his. house or in his hotel room. Weren't they asking for it? No, they were asking for acting jobs. They weren't asking for mickeys and being raped in their sleep.

    But as clear as THAT case was, it took most of the women DECADES to come forward because of fear and the stigma. You have to consider all these factors.

    • While I agree with you, like most crimes I believe there should be a statute of limitations. Say 7 years.

    • Far two short. Look at the Catholic Church and all those little boys and the few girls who were raped by priests and brothers. None of them came forth until the men were in their late 20s and 30s. They were raped when they were 8, 9, 10... most weren't older than 12. Rape causes trauma! It takes years to work through it. Some people NEVER do and just bury it in their psyches and are fucked up forever. I've met some women like that. Its very sad. Twenty years is reasonable. And, in fact, this is how Cosby escaped more charges. It had been longer than THAT in about two-thirds of his victims. You've never been raped. I have, however, been mugged and pistol whipped. Because I was walking on a well traveled, well used street at 10 pm on a weekend night. My retina was torn, I was threatened with a gun. He never asked me for money, so what else was on his mind but rape? Luckily I flipped him over my back and got away. But I was flooded with questions about my behavior. Internal questions. Was I careless? SHouldn't I have stopped at someone's door since I noticed him following me? What could I have done differently? It wasn't my fault I was a crime victim. It was the criminal's fault. And healing takes a long time. This happened 43 years ago and it feels like it was yesterday because of the intensity of the experience. Thats called PTSD in some sense. And my body wasn't invaded. Think of yourself being raped by a man! How long would it take you toget over THAT?

Most Helpful Guys

  • You can choose not to have sex ANY time you want to. You have no must of having sex with someone unless you are married to them and hell even then it is not right to just have sex with someone who says no to you.

    That is called rape.

    Now AFTER the fact. Then you already done it. A man or a woman can not go out and cry rape if you both consented. If you feel bad for what you done then at that point it is on you to figure it out.

    Why I find hookup culture such a bad thing. Both men and women just destroy themselves and their morals with sex not to mention things like porn and masturbation

  • Dude this is actually super simple. And in general your inclinations are correct.

    1. You can withdraw consent at any time. The idea that you
    can't... is just some rapist-bullshit.

    2. You cannot withdraw consent after the fact. That doesn't even make sense. Its ridiculous. Just fucking absurd. I've never even heard anyone suggest that consent could be withdrawn AFTER sexual activity is no longer happening. Those people are so wrong... that I can't help but think they're joking and just fucking with you.

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What Girls & Guys Said

12 25

  • You cannot withdraw consent AFTER something has already taken place. You can consent and then withdraw it any point leading up to sexual intimacy or even during. To think you can go back and say I didn't want this is ridiculous.

    No matter guy or girl, if you consented and carried out the act and it is over, you cannot then say "don't want that anymore". Too late and too bad. To think a week or month or even years (yikes) you can "take it back" is just wrong.

    That is the equivalent of buying a vehicle, using it for a month and then going to the dealer and saying something like "You know what? I really didn't mean to buy this and don't want it anymore".

    That dealer is going to laugh you right out the door. I would.

    • Always the voice of reason. I agree

    • Yep, just simple logic, right? Something that slips many people sadly. Thanks for the reply and have a great day/night!

    • You too!!

  • I would say its obvious that you can withraw consent at any given time during.
    I dont think you can withraw after BUT if something happend during or after that you werent aware of, AND told the partner or he told you and lied I think you dont have to rewoke consent as you never given it. Excamples for this: both parties say they are STD free and later one partner tells the other they knew but lied. Or you agreed to use some kind of birthcontrolle. E. G. The women says she is on the pill but lied or someone removes the condom with intention but with trying to be sneaky about it. In these situations I think the consent was never given under these conditions. So the other partner can "rewoke" consent as in they never agreed to if they had known, while the other partner tried to deceive them. Important here is the lying or doing it with intention part. Yes both parties can agree to have sex only with condom and if it breaks its not going to turn into rape.

    • I can see that as true.

  • I really like this one in regards to understanding consent

    https://www.youtube.com/embed/pZwvrxVavnQ

    Consent can be withdrawn at any time except afterwards. Can't withdraw consent for something that is done and over with.

  • I believe you should have a reasonable excuse for withdrawing consent. You've had enough time to make the decision to have sex so it's not unreasonable to just let the guy finish (which usually isn't long). Of course there's valid reasons and most guys would respect them.

    • As much as I disagree with you on just about everything, I definitely agree with this.

    • Yup my question says as much. It's more about the fringe group that feels like it's OK to withdraw consent after the fact

    • Withdrawal after the fact could be interpretated as a false allegation of rape

    • Show All

  • I think it is entirely unreasonable for a girl to let a guy get inside her and then tell him to stop. There is a point, at least for me, where animal instinct and desire supplant all rational thought.

  • The ONLY time it's ok to withdraw consent is during the act. If you and I are having sex and for whatever reason I no longer feel comfortable and I say I want to stop then and there, that should be the end of it. If you keep going, then that's a problem. Otherwise I can't penalize you for anything that happened before I withdrew.

    As for those who withdraw after the fact, they're just plain stupid and need to get punched in the forehead with a stapler

  • I would think that the obvious answer is that you cannot undo something that has already been done, thus you cannot withdraw consent after the fact.

  • Before or during sex. Anyone can regret having sex after but that's not withdrawing consent.

  • It's your body so you can withdraw consent anytime you want.

  • To any action yet to happen and if its happening now but within reason not 1 stroke was fine but u went again so now it's rape but saying I'm done for whatever reason I'm now stopping

  • I agree with all the girls who answered. You can withdraw it at any time except after it’s over. I really feel bad for girls who regret it but unless they were tricked (in which case consent wasn’t really given) there’s not much they can do. Which is why it’s really important to think carefully about who you have sex with and not jump into it right away.

    • If you were tricked or pressured into it it doesn’t count as consent

    • No disagreement here.

  • At any time even during an orgasm

  • You can withdraw consent before and during the act. If they don't want toanymore, you stop immediately. But you can't say you didn't want to have sex only afterwards.

    • Agreed!!!

  • You can always say no whenever it doesn’t feel right. If I say I wanna go for a walk and then change my mind and wants to go home in the middle of it you can’t force me to stay tf. It’s the exact same with sex where it’s even more important to respect boundaries. How is this even a question?

    • It's a question because some people do not understand it, read the entire question and you will get what I mean. Based on your response you definitely didn't read the whole thing.

  • If they say no then that’s withdrawing consent. woman could by lying next to you naked, you could have a condom on, and she could sit up be and say “I’m sorry, I don’t think I want to do this” then that’s her withdrawing consent.
    Y’all could already be having sex. If someone stops and says “I’m sorry I’m not feeling this” then that means stop

    • No disagreement. If you read my whole question, you'd see that. T was more about that fringe group that says they can withdraw consent after the fact.

  • From a practical standpoint, you can and should be allowed to withdraw your consent at any time. That being said, everyone also needs to understand that the other person is allowed to be annoyed with you for changing your mind.

    They have to respect your decision, but you also have to respect their right to feel annoyed.

    If I've been dancing with, kissing, and putting the moves on a girl for an entire evening and she changes her mind when my cock is sliding in and out of her; she doesn't get to give me shit for being mildly irritated that I had to stop having sex mid-act.

  • It's always okay to withdraw consent!

    • Even after, Say a week later?

  • It is difficult to go backwards in a relationship (once the proverbial cat is out of the bag). The ask has only been presented to me once in a young relationship in college….. a let’s start over. That lasted a couple weeks and Ali ended up moving on. It would work for me personally.

  • Would you want to have sex with someone who doesn't want you

  • You can withdraw consent at any time before or during sex or any other sexual activity

  • Show More (17)

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