Why do women lose their sex drive after being in a relationship for a while?

[Anonymous]

[MrOracle]

This is most commonly a side effect of promiscuity - a woman who is used to constantly having new partners will very often lose interest in the same partner after a while. Another common reason is becoming a mother and having to deal with the stress of young children - and that's legit, because young children are a huge responsibility. Men can help by taking some of the load off and by, maybe once a month, leaving the kids with the grandparents overnight and having a quiet evening alone - maybe even at a hotel, where she won't have to deal with the house.

[Asker]

What if they were a virgin before?

[MrOracle]

Virgins are, by a good ways, the most likely to be happy in their relationships after 10 years (81%), and that almost certainly includes sex drive. Having just 1 previous sexual partner drops reported happiness after 10 years to 63%, and at 5 partners, it's down to 30%. Obviously there are going to be exceptions, and aside from children, there are always going to be some women who are just miserable. Maybe they struggle financially, but many have self esteem issues for various reasons (often lousy parents), and, sure, some guys really are shitty partners.

[Nikki1989]

Where the hell did you get that from? Ignorant much?

[MrOracle]

@Nikki1989 It came from a fairly large US-government-funded study that's been discussed at length here since it came out about 4-5 years ago.. Ignorant much?

[Theworldislost]

@Nikki1989 is an ifs study and he got the percentages wrong. It's 60% for virgin marriage, and drops below 40%. I haven't been on here long enough to post the link.

[Samantha36]

Virgins and people I'm their first relationships, don't no any better so will likely settle for less. Those who know what they want won't settle for anything less. In any relationship, both parties should work to keep things fresh and exciting in the bedroom.

[MrOracle]

Which is exactly why those women are largely not able to find or keep a relationship - they "know what they want" and that is EVERYTHING, whatever that may be from moment to moment, even if they are contradictory. No man alive can satisfy such unrealistic demands, and so no man is good enough. She will want the best attributes of every man she has ever been with, and none of the problems or limitations, in a single man, became she legitimately believes that she "deserves it" and that SHE should not ever have to compromise or sacrifice anything. And so, she can't keep a relationship and just moves from man to man, running up her body count and her trauma, until she ages out.

[Samantha36]

Not entirely true at all! Everyone has likes and dislikes. You become more aware of those with experience. It does not mean that compromise is not possible or unlikely. It means you have better deal breakers in a relationship which is a good thing.

[MrOracle]

@Samantha36 It *IS* true and the numbers bear that out. The success rate of relationships is not difficult to calculate - if you are still together after 5, 10, 20, 30, 40 years, etc. is a pretty simple thing to determine, and the numbers are clear: the more sexual partners a woman has, the less likely she is to be able to maintain a relationship. And the biggest drop-offs happen between the steps from 0 and 3 partners. Men are also affected by this, but to a dramatically significantly smaller degree. You may not like the data, but you can't argue against it.

[Samantha36]

You can find data to support any argument and let's be honest most things relating to the u. s government aren't great. It's no interest to me and it doesn't affect me. Maybe I am an exeption to the "rule" or maybe it's just a u. s thing but it's my opinion that it's a load of rubbish.

[AmyHew1tt]

Depending on her age, hormones can come into it. Or being overworked/overstimulated and feeling underappreciated. But often it has to do with the husband/boyfriend. There's a saying that generally, women need to feel connected to want to have sex, and men want to have sex to be connected. Often in long-term relationships, the connection before sex is neglected.

Something that I've heard of from women and men in long-term marriages and relationships that often really helps is the man giving his partner nonsexual physical affection throughout the day.

Then of course there's always the sex just being bad.

[Juxtapose]

If the sex is bad then it is on you to communicate that and work with them to make it better.

[AmyHew1tt]

@Juxtapose Sure, in a good relationship. But everyone knows sex prowess is a touchy subject with men, and women are not taught to self-advocate with regard to physical intimacy. And especially in long-term relationships, men can get bored of taking extra measures to make sure the woman is satisfied and fall into selfish patterns. As long as guys are open to being told 'this needs to change', and especially validate women's common need to be given nonsexual physical affection without pressure to jump into bed, then I agree that communication can fix most problems.

[serious_miss419]

Because the guy changes his behavior and we aren’t into him anymore. Attraction itself is not always physical for women, it’s typically emotional and intellectual. Guys tend to lay off the intellectual and emotional behaviour towards us once they got us in a relationship with him. Also majority of guys only pump once and they’re done.

[Asker]

Why stay with them if you're not into them anymore?

[Agagagagaga]

“ Also majority of guys only pump once and they’re done.” Sounds like you need to be more discriminating and not sleep around so much.

[serious_miss419]

I’m very celibate. And without being interested them, some women like to make things work out instead of just tossing a guy away

[Beau2024]

Takes lots of communication and feeling safe to have the conversation. I had for a while same thing happening to me and my wife. She had a hard time talking to me about it but eventually we did and were able to fix things sexually now we’re working around some issues we had.

[Breanna_nonbinary]

Usually it’s because their partner isn’t good at sex. It’s kind of like driving to Disneyland but never going into the park. Why take the trip if it’s just going to end in disappointment? Just because you enjoy sex doesn’t mean she’s enjoying it. It’s the only reason I make sure she has at least one orgasm before I even get to sex. Besides it’s more fun to make your partner satisfied. If you do then they will reciprocate.

[bobby_bush_eater]

There's this magic thing in the called communication believe it or not... If a women completely abdicates any responsibility of mutually communicating this it's more her fault than the man's.

[Juxtapose]

@bobby_bush_eater ^^ precisely! "Oh he's bad at sex but I'm just going to lie to him about it and then act like he's the stupid one when nothing changes." It's dumb.

[Breanna_nonbinary]

@bobby_bush_eater @juxapose communication is important in any relationship. However I’ve found that most men have an ego and rather than asking what they need to work on would just assume they’re amazing. After all the two things men refuse take advice on are sex and how to bar-b-que.

[Juxtapose]

That's making generalizations and assumptions. If you don't like something your partner is doing, it's on you to be the one to bring it up.

[Juxtapose]

If you trust them enough to let them stick their dick in you or what the fuck ever, you should trust them enough to talk.

[Breanna_nonbinary]

@Juxapose and yet you also have made a generalization. Duh.

[Breanna_nonbinary]

@Agagagagaga Nope. Not confused at all. Especially when it comes to sex and sexuality. My 73% MHO I think shows that I’m not confused especially since all the questions I answer are from the sexuality category.

[Agagagagaga]

@breanna_nonbinary You don’t even know if you are a man or a woman. I’d say that’s pretty confused. So is scissoring women. And the fact that it’s such an important part of your identity shows that it’s all just ego and a vanity project for you to make you feel more interesting than you really are. Do you see anyone else on this site who puts things like “Cis-man” or “Cis-woman” as their username? Nope. But for you it’s a little badge to advertise. Because that’s the most interesting thing about you. Your pathology.

[ohsheeT]

Most of the time it's because the guy makes it all about himself gets on last 2 minutes and gets off done and over with no passion no romance no nothing just all about him and that sucks

When a guy makes it all about his girlfriend his wife his friend whoever they want it two to three times a day and they don't want you to stop.

[OlderAndWiser]

All women, all women you have been involved with in the past, the current girlfriend. . ?

[IslaTheWitch]

they don't... but it happens they are unsatisfied, and then what is a reason for doing it?

open communication... asking questions, especially about emotions, comparing perspectives, making alignments, compromises... negotiating things... being in the relationship is hard work...

[molonski2]

I do not think that statement is even remotely true.

Maybe the guy is an horrendous lover , or maybe he looses interest , or maybe he is a " wham bam " guy , your statement is not my experience at all.

[HelpfulWoman]

eh. i haven't, we're on like going on 6/7 years now. so depends on the couple i guess

[Asker]

How many times a week would you say usually if you don't mind me asking, it's going on 2 years next month for us

[HelpfulWoman]

sounds more like something to talk to your partner about.

[Asker]

I worded that wrong I meant we've almost been together 2 years but we have talked about it

[Puppystarfish23]

Usually because the man stops putting any effort in to impress

[wiltingrosepetal]

Sex stops being fun and new, starts being another activity, i guess. There's that, and the fact that most guys stop being romantic about it

[Juxtapose]

If you repeat romantic gestures over and over they will become stale.

[Billlewis]

I don't think they lose their sexual appetite, so much as they lose their interest in their boyfriends and husbands.

[Asker]

Yeah could be right

[coachTanthony]

Is it sex drive or attraction to their partner. We used to have sex in the laundry room, kitchen, etc etc 5 times a week and now we never do but I cried to her one night about my job could that be it? Most guys have no idea.

[normalice]

Men tend to stop seducing a woman once they are in a relationship with them already. But the seduction is why they wanted sex in the first place.

[dustybiker2]

You have to feed the fire.

[dustybiker2]

The main culprit is hurt feelings.

[JonesT10Apr]

yeah hurt feeling... easily get hurt... after committing to relationships he is the only one she can ask anything with Adament... so after a no talk moments... have to crack jokes and make her smile... then that day will be great with happy ending

[ohvanillalattegal]

No I want more..

[MikeTheBartender]

Do you like Chinese food? We should. go to the new place this weekend?

[ohvanillalattegal]

@MikeTheBartender let’s go 😉

[MsBubba]

Because we also get tired of having the same thing over and over again just like guys.

[Soldieronmission1]

Would you rather not have a relationship and just see new guys?

[MsBubba]

@Soldieronmission1 of course

[Soldieronmission1]

And you just fuck anything now right

[MsBubba]

@Soldieronmission1 gotta be something clean

[Soldieronmission1]

You can clean it with your mouth

[Soldieronmission1]

@msbubba do you like them too talk dirty too you

[Princesspd]

It is not that we lose our sex drive. It is that he became boring in bed.

[KrakenAttackin]

@Princesspd Maybe he got bored with you.

[Princesspd]

@KrakenAttackin if he gets bore with me he would be the one losing his sex drive not me.

[KrakenAttackin]

@princesspd. He still wants to screw but he's probably tired of banging someone who acts like roadkill in bed.

[Princesspd]

@KrakenAttackin he is the roadkill doesn’t have the stamina to last hehe

[strateguy632]

maybe wikipedia has something.

[RealMarek]

There are many potential reasons: relationship problems can negatively affect sex, some men get perfunctory or lazy about the woman’s pleasure, hormonal changes can cause lower libido, changes in work or home responsibilities can cause tiredness. Not many couples will have identical sex drives. It’s important to communicate to resolve problems and try to “meet in the middle” when it comes to frequency of sex.

[MikeTheBartender]

If Tom Brady's wife can get bored of him, your wife can get bored of you.

[FunkyMonkee]

Got me but, she didn't lose it, entirely!! She stopped fucking me after 4 years telling me that I'VE had enough! And then she started fucking some other guy about 5 years later!!

[pethouse]

I’d leave her

[FunkyMonkee]

@pethouse I did! As soon as I found out about the other guy! Then, she left him a year later!!

[pethouse]

What did she do when you found out?

[FunkyMonkee]

@pethouse Nothing. She kept trying to keep me on as her friend! I told her when we first started seeing each other 10- years earlier that, if we ever broke up, as in: we both decided it'd be best, I'd still wanna be friends with her! Well, this wasn't a joint decision! She just CHOSE to cheat on me so, I dropped her chubby ass like a hot brick and she didn't wanna let go!

[Nikki1989]

Do they? Since when. I have been with my husband for over 9 years, and we are having more sex now than ever before, despite both of us working 6 days a week.

And MrOracle's comments below are just laughable. Maybe his ChatGPT is having issues.

[Samantha36]

@nikki1989 yes Mroracle likes to talk rubbish. I don't think he gets much sex.