Sexual Health
+1 y

Why does it take me so long to get turned on?

People tell me that I'm at an age where I should be at my horniest (in my 30s) but the opposite is true. I feel like the older I get the longer it takes me to get turned on and the more complicated my turn-ons. I used to be able to just strip down and get it on. I can no longer do that, it doesn't do anything for me, I require more... attention to my mind and details, which makes me feel defective. Anyone in my age range have similar experiences, and if so, what did you do about it?
Updates:
+1 y
I should add that I also have four kids. Having them constantly around definitely makes it harder to "prep" for sex.
1 0

Most Helpful Girls

  • I agree with you and I can add to that. The kids, work, stress and all that kind of stuff have a role it plays on our sex drive. I am 33 and I know what your talking about. I think it's normal. Isn't our sexdrive highest when in puberty and in our 20's.

    What I do or what we do is arranging early in the day that we're planning on having sex that night. If gives a little time to and planning to relax and switch of from the day, a little fantasizing and to get the mindset right.

    I don't know about you but the turn offs is also quicker and more and it kind of mess up the entire sex. I hope this helps, take a few minutes before and like, meditate. Just relax, sit with you eys closed and think about it, think about your fantasies and get your self mentally en the mood.

    • If I can also add, then I get those days where it's like your hormones is going bananas and your in the mood not even thinking about it.

    • Thank you! Great idea. I never liked the idea of scheduled sex before but I think I'm gonna have to tap into that!

    • Yea. It's also not that fir me cause it's better when it just happens but if it help, why not. Specially with kids.

  • I think you answered your own question in your update as it must be hard to focus on sex when there are the important every day responsibilities of parenting going on.
    Maybe if a babysitter is affordable you can take a night off every week or two to focus on your sex life and make it special for you and him.

  • My mom told me jt is easier to orgasm lol as she gets older.

    • The opposite is true for me.

Most Helpful Guys

  • " I should be at my horniest"
    I don't find that to be true at all for women.

    I have known maybe one woman over 30 who was hornier than when younger, but most start to lose interest in sex, some a by a little, others by a lot.

    One 44 year old woman I know refuses to have sex with her husband except one day a month. She was normal in her 20s. But at about 35 or 36 her lights went out. They have a great relationship otherwise, so she suggested that he get a girlfriend, so he did and they are all happy.

  • Yes it's the same for guys, not saying all but a lot , I know I can't get hard like I used to when i was in my younger years , I think it's just cuz we r getting older. I still enjoy sex don't get me wrong just the thrill of it isn't as intense as it was when I was younger , it's like getting your driver's license you were so excited you drive now it's a pain in the ass. So I still like to drive but I need something new and exciting

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 20

  • Well if you're talking about your constant partner (husband, boyfriend, etc.) To keep the mojo running he has to improve himself all the time. Like body shape, hair style, clothes, shoes. At least those who take their woman to vacations 1-2 times a year (different place every time), they already add enough wood to their chimney. The opposite also works: if you improve your body shape, style, etc. you get your sexual activity improved. Or more lovers, if you are lucky =D

  • Its probably more you need to get into a sexual gear or mode. Your mind needs to change from mother and evening wife back to sexual woman. Just cause your different does not mean much.

    My cousin had that problem and her doctor was able to give her a shot for it that helped her sex drive.

    • Ah, nice to know there's something I could take to help me. I'll ask my doctor!

  • I suspect you and your partner are putting too much time into everything other than each other. You need to spend quality time and continue the dating process... have a date night. But also have you time away from the husband and kids to recharge.
    Working on the relationship with the significant other will probably increase the attraction again.

  • I'm about to hit 31 myself... my horniness takea the same time now as when I was young. No faster or slower... pretty much exactly the same. But then again my mental state sexually hasn't changed much if at all.

    I have had some issues here and there when having mental issues but never any long term change. It may be a mental health thing.

    Everyone is different though. I think you just need the right man that fits you.

  • Maybe because you are a mother of two young kids and that sort of shifts your instinctive focus from getting another baby to keeping alive the two you already have.

    • Four kids sorry. I thought two.

    • It's ok. Yeah, I think it has a lot to do with it.

    • Anyway, this: " I require more... attention to my mind and details, which makes me feel defective." You are not defective. You are normal and, furthermore, as such (attention to mind and details) it does two things: 1. Turns you more into an interesting human being as opposed to the animals we are when we ate young which... 2. Actually makes you hotter especially to older guys because they appreciate your growing classiness and they too are no longer rutting animals. There is a certain fun regarding the mental aspects of courtship and sex at this age compared to when young. When young, it us all new and exciting; when older, it is more of a sexy game.

    • Show All

  • The reason in my opinion hides behind kids, work, excienty, e. t. c. generally I am talking about the things that may lower your psychological energy. I believe there is nothi g to do with age

  • Women do tend to get really bored, especially if there's no interest in procreating.

    With four kids you're likely tired a lot, and you likely don't get enough exercise even though it feels like you do chasing the kids around.

    Diet and exercise, an understanding lover, are what will make improvements for you. You could also have a hormonal imbalance, and that will mess with your head and feelings as well.

  • The kids are definitely a distraction. I know how that goes.

  • I believe your "tastes" have become more refined, and as such, you deserve special handling. Nothing wrong, just refined.

  • Your more mature! You need the guys to titillate your frontal lobe as well as your pleasure centres

    • Yes! Very true.

  • Ypu mist have a messy mind.

  • Do you have high anxiety?

    • I do. I take meds for it, too.

    • There's your why

  • not everyone is the same.

  • Sounds like your just bored of what you have done and need something new and exciting... that applies to everything in life.

  • Mmmm taking the time to get horny is the best way to enjoy a relationship. Why hurry when the journey can be as fun as the arrival
    And think of yrself as well as yr family

  • I'm hornier than ever probably kids thing but relax free your mind think filth

  • May be it is the main reason for that is your kids because you alawys feel worried of them and their life.
    Sex need clear mind?

  • no on your age now u can turned on very fast but it is up to the second part i guess

    • Huh? I don't understand what you're saying.

    • you said that you are in 30s in your age now it is very easy to make you turned on but it is upon to the guy

  • Most women I know with kids have lower drives than when they were younger. Some are higher. Hormone wise most women likely peak early.

    While some women come into their own later, especially ones who had hangups they overcome the idea all women are hornier with age is a huge myth.

    • Thanks. I believe it is a myth, too.

  • You probably need a better partner.

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