My girlfriend may have given me an STD. Should I be angry?

im a 36 year old man and my girlfriend is 35

we have been together for just over a year now and I love her... a lot. she feels the same way and things have been great. we clicked from day 1 and we've not had a single argument in the year we have been together.

even after a year together we still have sex multiple times a day and i can honestly say its the best sex I've ever had, in fact she wants sex so much i sometimes find it hard to keep up.

things are great.

however, she occasionally gets cold sores and she woke up on boxing day with one... the problem is we had oral sex Christmas day and this morning i noticed a small spot on my penis and a tingling feeling in my lips so im worried she may have given me herpes.

I've never had an STD and have never suffered from cold sores so im hoping im over reacting but Im going to book an appointment at the sexual health clinic in the morning just to be safe, but i can't help but feel a little pissed off.

she said her lips were hurting but she thought it was from the cold weather. She feels terrible about it and i know its an accident but I can't decide how i feel.

the thing is, i also went down on her multiple times so its very likely she will have it too which im beating myself up about even though i wasn't to know.
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Superb Opinion

  • Its just fine I think. You should go to the doc as per the appointment and seek help for the same. Its nothing new, when we are approaching the intimate part of other's body we are prone to such problems and we should consult to get the cure. Worrying will just increase the problem and nothing much. Sex connects two soul and both of you decided to do it. If you went down it was something you were also interested in and there's nothing wrong. I know an aunt who died from animal infection. She had a soft heart for dogs and used to take care of a lot of street dogs, used to feed them, take them to the vet and all but when she died people were blaming the dogs. Is that even justified? What was supposed to happen just happened and has nothing to do with the dogs. Yea she could have taken precautions and all but then she did what she loved and died happily.

    My motive here is to calm you down and take it positively. Its good that you both are together and can help each other to cure the situation. Stay strong and come out of it together.

    Cheers.
    Get well soon.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I think in the rulebook you're only allowed to get angry if she got it from your brother or your cousin are your friend or her boss or her boss's friend or the guy that she went out with while you were babysitting her sister's kid to be honest with you I'm not really for sure oh and update I guess is written in the handbook that you can only be angry with your dick falls off or you can't have sex anymore in cars are motel rooms to be honest I'm not really for sure I always thought STD with something that you put in your car motor but it's ready to blow up or when you let somebody else drive it

Most Helpful Girls

  • I understand your frustration and anger over this, I myself only had cold sores above my lips and would be pretty pissed if I got it on my genitals.

    But it is what it is. It was accidental, and like you said yourself it could have also been passed to her genitals. I would just try to accept it and move on, and if you ever break up, I would be open and honest with future partners and use protection until you are comfortable discussing it.

    Even when there are no symptoms it can still be passed on.

    • That is a very mature prospective

  • Who tf does not have herpes (on lips)? Majority of people get it due to parents who kissed their kids when they were little. Then dont get intimate with anyone. You also get bateria, caries via kissing too. Like are you serious? 99% of human population have it. I am virgin but i got herpes from my parents. My parents also were virgin till marriage and their parents too and so on. Have fun finding someone who does not have it. And i seriously thought you got aids and worried about you

    • 100% serious. I've never had cold sores and there are millions of other people out there who also have never had them.

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What Girls & Guys Said

13 25
  • Like angry…at yourself?

    • just in general. angry that she may have given it to me, and angry at myself for then going down on her

    • @error-_ Kind of both faults really. Know what I mean? Like both should have been tested.

    • I've never had an std and was tested before we started having unprotected sex. the issue is she has a cold sore and we were kissing which means the herpes virus is more than likely on my lips so might have been transferred to her vagina when i went down on her. its also very likely that she's given me herpes by giving me a blow job. she didn't know she had a cold sore at the time

  • Not all cold sores are caused by Herpes Cold Sore She might have the HSV-1 strand.

    Best to get checked out to be sure though, she should get checked out as well.

    And just WOW congrats on not having a fight for a whole year.

    • Sorry I meant they are both technically herpes but only the second strand is genital herpes.

  • You shouldn't be angry at her unless she tied you up and forced you to receive oral sex. You clearly didn't know that this could cause genital herpes, so why do you expect her to know this?

  • If you love each other, I'm sure if she thought she was having an attack she would of told you. Got to the doctor and get treatment for the symptoms. Just ne mindful of it next time around and always be honest about such things.

  • No, you shouldn’t be upset. This was bound to happen eventually, if this is a chronic problem that she has. The only surprising part is that it took a whole year for you to catch it.

  • What for STD? There are 51 possible STDs from relatively harmless herpes infections to big calibers like hepatitis and HIV.

  • You have every right to how you feel. I would be angry and hurt.

  • Weyell, you both made a choice to be sexual active. You both accept the consequences. Ya know, like two people who choose to have unprotected sex and then get mad when they end up with a baby……
    Anyways, being mad won’t help. Go to a doctor.
    Not trying to be a jerk. Just being objective.

    • by the way, did you really create this question just to ask if you should be mad at her? I wouldn’t expect such a question from a 36 year old. More like a selfish/immature 20-year-old. Being mad at anyone won’t help anything.

  • Not sure what the issue is? HSV 1 is very common, pretty much the entire population has it. It can be transmitted sexually too. Just get it treated and be careful next time she has a sore.

  • I wouldn't be too angry about herpes HSV-1, ⅔ of the population have it and its not like it can be cured, it also doesn't have any long standing effect's in most cases. You could have caught it at any time just through skin to skin contact, it doesn't require sexual intercourse. Many people aren't even aware that cold sores are the herpes virus. Its also one of the most transmissible viruses out there, so there was no way you would have avoided it with her even if you'd known about it.

  • Listen I think hsv 1 goes away on its own. Just refrain from activities related to that body part for some time like few 2-3 months.

  • First, get tested to confirm you have herpes. If you do, I'm pretty sure she didn't give herpes to you on purpose. What purpose would getting angry do? Deal with the situation... together.

  • Go get tested.

  • Very annoying and abarrassing situation. Getting angry is not helpful at all. Just talk to each other and go to the doctor together. Once you're both healed, and if you have sex with another partner than your regular one, have at least safe sex.

  • Why get angry
    At someone with an undiagnosed disease
    that they didn't tell you they had
    because they were too irresponsible
    to get it checked out
    before they gave it to you?
    You know what they say,
    "Sharing is caring"

    • Herpes. The gift that keeps on giving!!!

  • Angry for what? If you knew she had a cold sore then why did you kiss her?

    • please go back and read my original post. she didn't have a cold sore on Christmas day which is when we had oral sex, but she did feel the tingly feeling that comes before any physical symptoms. herpes is still contagious at this point but she didn't mention she might have a cold sore outbreak coming.

  • Herpes is very common and it can be passed on by non-sexual situations, I got it while sharing a cup with my mom. It may be her case, unfortunately she wasn't aware she had an active infection while having sex.
    To be sure, you might want to get tested and see what's going on

  • Sounds like Herpes HSV-1
    It's hard to know if you have it because it's not on your typical STD testing. They don't even really consider herpes an STD because it's so common

  • Well it seems like you got herpes and if you're happy with her well you might as well just keep on going with it she probably should have told you unless you really didn't know I mean you can get oral cold sores on your genitals and back and forth they don't really care where they go but they go there so good luck

  • A little annoyed and frustrated at the situation, sure. I'm not sure if getting angry helps at all but if that's how you feel then...

    She SHOULD know that tingling sensation as a warning sign but I don't think it happens all the time.

    All that said, even if you do have an STD it's not the end of the world. You just gotta be a bit more careful.

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